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Fathers' Chatgroup Thread
- Thread starter Byebye Penis
- Start date
I am sharing, not debating, so pls don't take it wrongly.
As a parent myself, to a 22yr old now doing her Master's at Uni of Mel, I hv had my share of what's the right & what's the wrong stance to take on many many incidences.
Am I the perfect know it all parent?? Trust me, I am no where near, but to date, I dare proclaim I'm not a F type parent.
My objective:
a) I don't want my kid to lose out when she enters society
b) I want to impart as many life experiences I went thru in my blessed yet F type life
c) I do not dictate my child, since she was a kid living in sinkie till we migrated here in 2014. Even when she finished college here till uni till now Master's, I hv trained her to discuss everything, listen to opinions & make her own informed choices, and thus be responsible for her own decisions.
d) I train my kid to look at the end game, and from there, she'll know what are the steps needed to take to reach her FINAL aim in life. I personally practice this mantra, that's why I'm retired and now 52yrs young.
e) do not be worried about how others look, wear. It's them not you. What you are, is you.
Back to the iphone crap.
My kid was from CHIJ, yes, she has spoken many times to me abt iphones whilst in primary school, I always said no but gv her an old nokia phone of mine instead. Take it or leave it. Give me 1 reason why you deserve an iphone? She could never reply.
At the end of Pri.4, I finally bought her one. Why? Cos she was warded into Mt E Orchard for a nasal/dental surgery. Half her face was swollen after, she was in very low spirits, so I walked to lucky plaza, and bought her one without hesitation. It worked. She was so engrossed with that phone, she didnt even need to take pain killers. Believe it not!!!
As she grew up, it became an achieve & reward thing between dad & her.
But mom was different. Mom was from a poor family. Parents were cleaners. For me, let's just say I was born & stayed in a 3digit unit along Mountbatten Road all my young life.
So through her mom, she acquired the habit of being thrifty. Mom became the OB marker for her. I would buy jeans & stuff from Ralph Lauren at Taka, but she would not even let me buy her anything. Fearing reprisal from her mom.
We don't live a poor or middle class life that's for sure, but I dare say, we do not live a materialistic one. My most expensive watch is a Tag Heuer 3000 series which I bought with my 1st paycheck whilst I was a regular in RSAF decades ago & still wearing it now.
Wife's most ex bag is a Guess bought in sinkie donkey years ago & wear a Raymond Weil also bought long long ago by me.
When she was offered Scholarship at Uni of MEl, I brought her to a watch shop here which specialises in Rolex. Told her, well done, super proud of her, choose anything you want, its yours. She said waste money. Lets go for your fav cuppa & ice cream dada.
I teared.
Educate your child abt peer pressures. Looks mean nothing. I always teach her, most who act rich are either not aka empty shells or prolly had loaded parents which also makes them useless riding off their parents wealth. Some may strike it, see how long they can sustain it.
The only material thing I bought her is her GLC 300. This I also must explain. Its more for safety than anything. Melb is not as safe as it was when I studying here ages ago. Other than that, her credit card bill never gave me a shock. Even at the age of 22.
Train from young. Don't gv yourself excuses. "They're like that one." These type of parents, their kids no brainer one
You got a very good wife. I got a wife better than me as a father.
The father can be good, but if the wife is fucked up, the family collapses.
The father can be fucked up but if the wife is good, the kids will still have a chance.
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paiseh typo earlier
The father can be good, but if the wife is fucked up, the family collapses.
The father can be fucked up but if the wife is good, the kids will still have a chance.
Interesting thread. I'm not a father but I would like to say something regarding this subject.
To be a successful father or husband the key is still to stay clear minded.
To be clear minded means acknowledging all good and bad things eg if your child is born a loser, acknowledge it and find alternatives I.e if they are not cut out in academic, don't waste your money borrowing money to force them to university just to make yourself or them feel good.
Eg2 do not need to justify you are good father and force do things to please them to gain respect. If they are filial child they would be filial by nature.
I have seen too many unclear minded fathers living in misery and living with debts and depression .
To be a successful father or husband the key is still to stay clear minded.
To be clear minded means acknowledging all good and bad things eg if your child is born a loser, acknowledge it and find alternatives I.e if they are not cut out in academic, don't waste your money borrowing money to force them to university just to make yourself or them feel good.
Eg2 do not need to justify you are good father and force do things to please them to gain respect. If they are filial child they would be filial by nature.
I have seen too many unclear minded fathers living in misery and living with debts and depression .
How to qualify for CHAS?
There are some fathers whom I know belong to those doesn't know own head size to choose correct size hat to wear kind.
They earn little money but family got money. They need to scheme together with wife daily to brainstorm how to inherit the family wealth. During the course of scheming they planned out a living that is way beyond their affordability but not from their own earning capability. Is this successful ? I just find them pathetic .
@glockman is paying you such an extremely high salary.
Hence, you may not qualify.
Anyway, details are ::
https://www.singsaver.com.sg/blog/chas-card-singapore
Everyone qualifies.
But to get the most subsidies, you got to be low-income (eg. retired) and stays in HDB. Then with the max subsidies, u get to enjoy many dirt-cheap benefits that the middle-class need to think twice before going, eg. regular teeth cleaning, skincare with GP, everything is dirt cheap.
I believe every sinkie can apply for a chas card. Just that the subsidy qualification is different. Low SES, Mid SES, High SES.
Yes, I got useless uncles and relatives who panic over the tiny amount of savings that my grandmother had, while they themselves never contribute time or money towards caring for them at old age.
yes, even if u are middle-aged, if u hide in HDB and hardly declares any income, not only u get the Blue chas card, your kids can enjoy so much bursaries in post-secondary education that they can buy the latest iphone every year.
Our system had been so for the past 30 years.
Actually, whilst I was last back there not too long ago, I also see many of these young working in Coffee Bean, Starbucks, Collins & even as part time waiters/waitresses in hotels when I patronise them. I think both sides of the spectrum are everywhere. Of course, for a kid to be at these joints daily, it's obviously they're funded
In addition, we've also bought several boxes of seaweeds, which costs only S$2 per box of 12 pieces and with many flavors to choose from: Teriyaki, Pizza Cheese, Pizza Seafood, Korean Squid Chilli, etc. We've bought more than a dozen boxes altogether with some already given to our neighbours.
Not to forget also their crispy pork and chicken floss, which are always delicious to go with your porridge.
There's also the fish maw, which are cheaper and good quality And of course a few bottles of the BURAPA Concentrated Wild Bird's Nest (about S$50 for each bottle after discount) for my wife.
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I feel this is applicable to all aspects of life
No child is ever a born loser. This characterisation is so wrong & uncalled for.
Allow me to share more. My kid was an express student in CHIJ & took higher chinese in Pri. Was always a good student till she went sec but then her grades dropped to either pass or fail. Major drop. If I had that kind of mentality, which my mom had, who scolded my kid stupid many times, i would think like what you said. But I didn't. Instead remembering how I benefited here when I too did my degree & Master's here in the 90s, I told myself the edu sys in sinkie may not fit my child.
Why? Coming from "N" Lvl. Doing Tafe in RMIT then to Monash Uni for Bach & Masters. Oh trust me, I know the diff between sg & aus edu sys.
After we came here, I enrolled her to PLC (Presbyterian Ladies College) where she had to start from Yr10. Aced it by the way. Went to Monash Clayton aced it again & was offered scholarship at Uni of MEl. What I observed. In SG, she was always so tired, drained & very low morale. When she came here, I saw my long lost child appear again. Happy, bubbly full of life & NOISE!!! Yes, noise. She was 14 or sec 2 when we came up here.
If I had left her to continue there in sinkie, like even she herself says nowadays, she'd prolly be working somewhere already.
Of course, if even this option failed, then I agree, they're not cut out academically but how many even tried this other way before casting that judgement to their child?
Borrowing that part is very subjective. Always 2 sides of the coin. Imagine kid wants to study & can study but parents no moolah how? That's why I say subjective.
Sad ya
Result of upbringing as mentioned earlier. Wife prolly married him for the same token he's eyeing on
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