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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

Discussion in 'The Courtyard Café' started by yinyang, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    Jump start funnies, and if you got funny bone or 2 pls contribute:p 1st one maybe deserve to be in religious folder?


    Here are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
    1. He called everyone brother
    2. He liked Gospel
    3. He didn't get a fair trial


    But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
    1. He went into His Father's business
    2. He lived at home until he was 33
    3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God


    But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
    1. He talked with His hands
    2. He had wine with His meals
    3. He used olive oil


    But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
    1. He never cut His hair
    2. He walked around barefoot all the time
    3. He started a new religion


    But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
    1. He was at peace with nature
    2. He ate a lot of fish
    3. He talked about the Great Spirit


    But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
    1. He never got married.
    2. He was always telling stories.
    3. He loved green pastures.


    But the most compelling evidence of all - three proofs that Jesus was a WOMAN:
    1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food
    2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it
    3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do!


    Can I get an AMEN!!
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2012
    7 people like this.
  2. erection2015

    erection2015 Alfrescian (InfP) + C

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    jesus was a man not a woman....thats why we say Amen not Awoman....and sing hymns not hers :p
     
  3. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    Hip look for ah tiongs

    china1.jpg

    china2.jpg
     
  4. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    Breast feed's best to avoid stunted growth
    kidmilk.jpg

    Directions?
    directions.jpg

    Tango
    dance with me.jpg
     
  5. halsey02

    halsey02 Alfrescian (Inf)

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    "And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do!"

    You sure, there is one who is Hakka & Baba, can get up when summoned & still want to do his work??
     
  6. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    OFFICE:
    A place
    where you can relax
    after your strenuous
    home life

    work.jpg
     
  7. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    cigg.gif
    CIGARETTE:
    A pinch of tobacco
    rolled in paper
    with fire at one end
    and a fool at the other!
     
  8. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    A father went to the hospital
    as his wife was having a baby.

    Upon arriving he sits down, and the
    nurse says, "Congratulations, your
    wife has had quins, 5 big baby boys."

    The Redneck boastfully says, "I'm
    not surprised, I have a penis the size of
    a chimney."

    The nurse replies, "You might want
    to consider getting it cleaned, the
    babies are black."
     
  9. erection2015

    erection2015 Alfrescian (InfP) + C

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    A Golfer accidentally overturned his cart.

    Elizabeth, a "beautiful" real golfer who lived in a villa on the
    golf course heard the noise and yelled over to him.

    "Hey, are you okay, what's your name?"
    "Willis," he replied.

    "Willis forget your troubles. Come to my villa,
    rest up and I'll help you get the cart up later."

    "That's mighty nice of you," Willis answered,
    "but I don't think my wife would like it."

    "Aw come on," Elizabeth insisted.
    She was very pretty and persuasive.
    "Well okay," Willis finally agreed,
    And added, "but my wife won't like it."

    After a hearty drink AND sexy driving and putting lessons, Willis thanked his host.
    "I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be real upset."

    "Don't be foolish!” Elizabeth said with a smile , she wont know any thing. By the way, where is she?"

    "Under the cart!"
     
  10. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    cannibal1.gif

    A cannibal was walking through the jungle. And came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Cannibal Restaurant

    Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

    +Tourist: $5.00
    +Broiled Missionary: $10.00
    +Fried Explorer: $15.00
    +Politician: Baked Labor or Grilled Green $100.00

    The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
    "Why such a high price for the politicians?"
    The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one?
    They're so full of shit, it takes all morning
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2012
  11. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    Santa's early!:p

    A cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street,
    horse.jpg

    when a little girl On her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

    'Nice bike,' the cop said. 'Did Santa bring it to you?'

    'Yes Sir,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

    The cop looked the bike over and handed
    the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

    The cop said, 'Give this to your Dad, and next year, tell Santa to put
    a reflector light on the back of it!'

    The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
    'Nice horse you've got there Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

    Playing along with the girl, he chuckled and answered,
    'Yes, he sure did!'

    The little girl looked up at the cop and said,
    'Next year tell Santa;
    The dick goes underneath the horse, not on top'!!!
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2012
  12. erection2015

    erection2015 Alfrescian (InfP) + C

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    Old Chinese proverb:


    Confucius say,“If you are in book store and cannot find the book you seek, it is obvious you are in the ..



    419733_3416474656818_1418660303_3251113_1290710617_n.jpg
     
  13. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    Bro hard-on, you are my partner in crime:p

    Closer home to Sinkie radio breakfast show.

    No slip of the tongue and no fault of the naive straight talking Singaporean's mind, here!

    MORNING BREAKFAST SHOW in Singapore
    Below is an innocent conversation that really happened on a Singapore radio recently. You may have heard it.

    DJ : Good morning. This is Power 98 and do you want to play a game ?

    Contestant ( a young Lady ) : Yeah, why not ?

    DJ : Good. It is a simple game. When I say something, you have to give an answer that is opposite to what I have said. For example, when I say Sharp, you have to answer Blunt. OK ?

    Contestant : OK.

    DJ : Sun.
    Contestant : Moon.

    DJ : Black.
    Contestant : White .

    DJ : Tall.
    Contestant : Short.

    DJ : Dog.
    Contestant : Cat.

    DJ : Man.
    Contestant : Woman.

    DJ : Cock.
    At the spur of the moment , under extreme stress, this was what the young innocent lady said :
    Contestant : CHIBAI !!!

    [RADIO SILENCE !!!!!!]
    The nation-wide listeners roared with Laughter, including the sick & mental patients at the hospitals and rehabilitation homes.

    The correct answer ought to be "hen" while her answer would be right if the question was "Lanchiao". Ooph!


    ATT00006.gif
     
    Last edited: Jul 24, 2012
  14. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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  15. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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  16. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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  17. erection2015

    erection2015 Alfrescian (InfP) + C

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    Georgia

    The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
    He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
    The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."




    Louisiana
    A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying: "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana."
    When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."


    Mississippi
    The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
    Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
    The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."


    North Carolina
    A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.
    A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.
    The man replied, "I got a flat tahr."
    The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"
    The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither."


    Tennessee
    A TennesseeState trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
    The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

    Texas
    The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
    "Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "



    Y'all kin say whut y'all want 'about the South, but y'all never heard o' nobody retirin' an' movin' North.
     
  18. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    This Red Indian boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look.

    "Mom, why is my bigger brother named Thunderstorm?"

    She told him, "Because he was conceived during a mighty storm."

    Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower?"

    She replied, "Well, your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her."

    "And why is my other sister called Moonchild?"

    "Because we were watching the moon landing while she was conceived."

    Thoughtfully, Mother paused and asked her son,
    "Tell me, Broken Rubber, why are you so curious?"
    *
    *
    Now Ladies prefer Branded Condoms ! Take your pic

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  19. drifter

    drifter Alfrescian (InfP) Old Timer

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    the usage of amen, meaning "so be it", as found in the early scriptures of the bible is said to be of Hebrew origin . which means even if jesus is ah gua " SO BE IT " ;)
     
  20. yinyang

    yinyang Alfrescian (Inf)

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    just to brighten up boring monday:p

    [​IMG]
     

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