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<!-- headline one : start --><TR>'Why I chose a China bride': Women should seek to understand men better
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<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to Ms Sherry Aw's letter last Thursday, 'It's an insult to Singapore women', in reaction to my letter, 'Why I chose a China bride' (Oct 19).
First of all, I strongly suggest Ms Aw to read the article 'Love me, spoil Me' (Feb 24). It provides a view into Singapore women's psyche.
I would also like to reproduce a remark in the same article by Ms Iben Wan, a Danish woman married to a Singaporean:
'If you expect the man to accept you as his equal, you can't also expect him to run around treating you like a porcelain doll on a pedestal. It just does not make sense in our modern world.'
Second, Ms Aw's statement, 'what also puzzles me is how Mr Tan manages to equate wanting a date to be gentlemanly with wanting to be the weaker sex', inadvertently proves my observation that Singapore women interpret feminism in their own way. Yes, it is precisely because it is a puzzling matter that women like Ms Aw should seek to understand what and how men think, preferably from men instead of relying on one-sided women's magazines. My view is that true equality means women do not need men to take care of their every need, emphasis is on 'every'.
Third, her comment that 'not wanting to escort your girlfriend home means you don't care about her' is again one sided. If the man has done 80 out of 100 things a woman expects her date to do, yet does not escort her home, does this one act invalidate his 80 others? Men generally tend to be practical. With rising car ownership and usage costs, heavy reliance on public transport is prevalent. On the other hand, salaries do not increase in tandem with costs. In such a Singapore context, I am not surprised that Singapore men may find their dating plans limited by bus and MRT schedule (regular taxi usage is excluded because it is costly). However, sadly, such a practical and real concern will likely be seen as cheapskate by Singapore women.
Ms Aw is free to keep her definition of 'boyfriend material'. However, any relationship is a two-way street: You have to give as well as take.
To dispel the notion that I am an 'old-fashioned' man from the 1950s and ignoring any cynicism on my 'honeymoon period' of marriage, I go grocery shopping with my wife and I offer to carry, without my wife asking, the groceries home because I am physically stronger than her. My wife and I have a common understanding that whoever cooks is exempted from washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Yes, I do cook and reasonably well at that. Notwithstanding this, there are times when I both cook and wash up, especially if my wife has guests over as this will free her to spend time with them. Yes, I also cut and serve fruit, with or without guests, and with no one 'keeping score' on kitchen duties.
When it comes time to clean the apartment, my wife and I clean together, with me usually mopping a bigger area as it is physically more taxing. There are many more examples but these few are enough to prove I am not old fashioned. I intend to do all this, and more, as long as my marriage lasts and I am physically able.
Alvin Tan <!-- end of for each --><!-- Current Ratings : start --><!-- Current Ratings : end --><!-- vbbintegration : start -->
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<!-- headline one : start --><TR>'Why I chose a China bride': Women should seek to understand men better
</TR><!-- headline one : end --><!-- show image if available --></TBODY></TABLE>
<!-- START OF : div id="storytext"--><!-- more than 4 paragraphs -->I REFER to Ms Sherry Aw's letter last Thursday, 'It's an insult to Singapore women', in reaction to my letter, 'Why I chose a China bride' (Oct 19).
First of all, I strongly suggest Ms Aw to read the article 'Love me, spoil Me' (Feb 24). It provides a view into Singapore women's psyche.
I would also like to reproduce a remark in the same article by Ms Iben Wan, a Danish woman married to a Singaporean:
'If you expect the man to accept you as his equal, you can't also expect him to run around treating you like a porcelain doll on a pedestal. It just does not make sense in our modern world.'
Second, Ms Aw's statement, 'what also puzzles me is how Mr Tan manages to equate wanting a date to be gentlemanly with wanting to be the weaker sex', inadvertently proves my observation that Singapore women interpret feminism in their own way. Yes, it is precisely because it is a puzzling matter that women like Ms Aw should seek to understand what and how men think, preferably from men instead of relying on one-sided women's magazines. My view is that true equality means women do not need men to take care of their every need, emphasis is on 'every'.
Third, her comment that 'not wanting to escort your girlfriend home means you don't care about her' is again one sided. If the man has done 80 out of 100 things a woman expects her date to do, yet does not escort her home, does this one act invalidate his 80 others? Men generally tend to be practical. With rising car ownership and usage costs, heavy reliance on public transport is prevalent. On the other hand, salaries do not increase in tandem with costs. In such a Singapore context, I am not surprised that Singapore men may find their dating plans limited by bus and MRT schedule (regular taxi usage is excluded because it is costly). However, sadly, such a practical and real concern will likely be seen as cheapskate by Singapore women.
Ms Aw is free to keep her definition of 'boyfriend material'. However, any relationship is a two-way street: You have to give as well as take.
To dispel the notion that I am an 'old-fashioned' man from the 1950s and ignoring any cynicism on my 'honeymoon period' of marriage, I go grocery shopping with my wife and I offer to carry, without my wife asking, the groceries home because I am physically stronger than her. My wife and I have a common understanding that whoever cooks is exempted from washing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. Yes, I do cook and reasonably well at that. Notwithstanding this, there are times when I both cook and wash up, especially if my wife has guests over as this will free her to spend time with them. Yes, I also cut and serve fruit, with or without guests, and with no one 'keeping score' on kitchen duties.
When it comes time to clean the apartment, my wife and I clean together, with me usually mopping a bigger area as it is physically more taxing. There are many more examples but these few are enough to prove I am not old fashioned. I intend to do all this, and more, as long as my marriage lasts and I am physically able.
Alvin Tan <!-- end of for each --><!-- Current Ratings : start --><!-- Current Ratings : end --><!-- vbbintegration : start -->
:o 
