Very well written. I just wonder though why you use a nick like yellowarse?
Hate yourself? Poor self esteem? schadenfreude?
That you find 'yellowarse' insulting is more an affirmation of your own perverse conditioning and self-loathing than of a lack of self-esteem on my part:
Yellow is inferior to white in your internalized racist worldview; and
arse refers to a part of your anatomy you find disgusting. Ergo,
yellowarse is derogatory. Ergo, I must hate myself to have adopted this moniker.
I, on the other hand, see
yellow as one of seven colours in the rainbow - a beautuful metaphor for diversity; and
arse as simply a humble organ that all humans possess and none can do without - in other words, an utter necessity.
See how your chain can be yanked by such an innocent nick?
Piece of advice: prejudices exacerbate your dysthymia, aggravate your irascibility, and heighten your sense of injustice at the world around you.
Take a deep breath, and let go. Peace.