- Joined
- Aug 20, 2022
- Messages
- 29,114
- Points
- 113
sexuality concerns during ns
Questionthrowaway acc here but i hope this reaches the right audience? for context i’m gay, turning 19, have pes B1 and going next year.
i didn’t grow up in a very supportive environment & i genuinely think my parents would hate me or do things to me if they ever found out, but that doesn’t bother me much. i grew up being ridiculed for it in an all boys sec sch and id get mocked in trains & buses in public, mostly by boys cause they can tell apparently(?). the only ppl who know im gay are my few close friends and my grandma that i cherished sm & fortunately was so open and loving.
i was a v reserved, softhearted n sensitive kid (i think i still am but its better now), so growing up being badly ridiculed for the way i am or act washed away most of the self esteem and confidence i have when interacting with male friends or teenage boys in general. im in a better state now and have been surrounding myself with the right ppl. my only fear is that the moment i step back into such a hyper-masculine environment when the time comes is when i spiral again.
if given the chance to do NS, i wouldn’t mind. i genuinely think it’d be a good period of time for me to try new things, lead a more active & fit lifestyle, better myself as a person, be more responsible and all those stuff. i would very much love to do all this properly and peacefully while being the person i am (maybe ill be terrified of combat vocations idk). but the social environment that i’ll be in is whats making me super anxious & whats making me think i wont perform or carry out my service properly because i’ll be stuck in my head like the state younger me was in, especially with my grandma gone. the stories from tekong that im hearing from gay people or other friends don’t rlly help much either
so i guess i just wanna ask for advice on what i can do? like do i downpes? (if thats possible) or do i suck it up? or what can i do to mentally prep? are things even as bad as it seems? or what would i be able to do if things truly do get bad for me during the course of my service? to be honest, i don’t even know the right questions i should be asking. just anything to help/reassure i guess, thank you
