- Joined
- Aug 20, 2022
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28F and never had a relationship — I need to know what I’m doing right, or wrong.
I need advice!Exactly as the title implies! And CW: a possible amount of humble bragging in the word vomit below.
I’m 28, female, and I’ve never dated. Never had anyone confess to me in school, never found a good match on a dating app. My friends and colleagues are always surprised to hear about my inexperience, however, and I never know what to make of that.
I’m confident enough to consider myself a 7 or 8 on a good day, but it’s mainly women and non-straight men who have complimented me. I’ve been told I’m tall, slim, polished, elegant, erudite; that I smell good and dress well. A lady once told my mother after I left her store that I was “很美，很有氣質” — very beautiful and sophisticated, so I must be doing something right.
But — I’ve never had a straight man compliment me; and because of that, I’m not sure if I’m too intimidating to be approached. My colleagues love setting me up randomly with other colleagues, but they seem to be all in jest.
I know what everyone is going to say — “You’re beautiful the way you are! Don’t define your self-worth through male attention!”
My hobbies: I love writing. I’ve written and published poetry; I’m in the arts industry; I know my Heifetz as well as my Hikaru Utada, and I appreciate tea and Old World whites. It’s all rather lovely, but that also meant every man I know in the world I operate in is either married or… not interested in women.
So I tried going to mixers, and when I mentioned my interests (just listing out, and definitely in a manner not as grating as this post), I’ve had men raise their brows, and I don’t know what to make of it. I guess I probably come across as too snobbish and high maintenance, but I also come from a blue-collar family and worked hard to where I am today.
But I digress. What I meant to say is this — I don’t know the baseline that everyone is operating at, because I’ve never been interested in all the things that people list on dating apps. I don’t care for pets, I don’t care for supper runs, I don’t care for mahjong. People mention running and travelling as their interests all the time — is this true at all?
For the ladies, if I may ask: Besides dating apps and mixers, where have you found the most success in finding prospective partners? Friends of friends? Siblings of colleagues? And do you enjoy being pursued, or you doing the pursuing?
For the gents, if I may ask: Would you be open to approaching a 1.7m tall lady in heels, sitting at a cafe alone, with a book? And would you mind a lady approaching you randomly, asking if you were single?
[Oh, if I could just add — I was chased by a man exactly once, and he was my exact type: tall, articulate, and attentive. It was intoxicating, until I found out he had intentionally hid his long-term, long-distance relationship from me and I nearly became The Other Woman. So I do know I am attractive to a certain extent, but it also cast doubts over whether I tend to only attract one type of man — someone emotionally needy, vacant, and looking to cheat.]
