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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

yinyang

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
Sherlock Holmes?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
 

yinyang

Alfrescian (Inf)
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Does an Engineer ever retire ......in hell or heaven ?

The Engineer in Hell

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

He’s talking with Satan and says, “What a terrible place! It’s very hot, dark, smoky and extremely bad!”

Satan said, “Well, what did you expect? After all, this IS Hell!”

The engineer said, “Do you have a compressor, some tubing, and wire?

Satan said, “Yeah, we might have some of that stuff laying around somewhere. I’ll check and see what I can find for you.”

Satan finds the stuff. So, the engineer starts designing and building improvements. After a while, Hell has air conditioning, iced water, good lighting, flush toilets, and escalators. The engineer is a pretty popular guy!

One day God calls and tells Satan, “Say, we had a mix-up. I was checking records and discovered that by error an engineer got sent down to you. He should have come here in Heaven. All engineers go to Heaven. You need to transfer him up here instead.”

Satan says, "Why, things are going great. We've now got air conditioning, iced water, flush toilets, great lighting, and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next. We like him! We’re going to keep him.”

God is horrified. "That's clearly a mistake! He should never have gone down there in the first place! Send him up here immediately!"

Satan says, "No way! I really like having an engineer on the staff. I'm
keeping him.”

God says, “Send him back up here or I'll sue you!”
Satan laughs, “Yeah, right, God. Good luck on that. Where are you going to find a lawyer?!"
 

yinyang

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
Kittens and Najib?

A pretty little girl named Suzy was sitting on the pavement. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures, with a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big cars pulled up beside her.

Out of the lead car stepped a grinning man.

"Hi there little girl, I'm the leader of the Barisan Nasional, Najib Razak.

What do you have in the basket?" he asked.

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Najib.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

"Barisan Nasional supporters," answered Suzy with a smile.

Najib was delighted.

As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two of them agreed that he should return the next day, and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again on the pavement with her basket of "FREE KITTENS,"

When Najib's motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from Bernama, Utusan Malaysia, TV 3 etc.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Najib got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're Pakatan Raayat supporters."

Taken by surprise, Najib stammered,

"But..but..yesterday, you told me they were Barisan Nasional supporters!"

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know.

But today, they have their eyes open."
 

yinyang

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
Important to listen good

*Clergy Day Special*.

In a church in one Sunday morning a preacher said,

"Anyone with 'special needs' who wants to be prayed over, please come forward to the front of the altar."

With that, Peter got in line and when it was his turn the Preacher asked,

"Peter, what do you want me to pray about for you?"

He replied,

"Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The preacher put one finger of one hand on Peter's ear, placed his other hand on top of Peter's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm.

After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked,

"Peter, how is your hearing now?"

Peter answered,

"I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the magistrate court."
 
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