Wendy, consider doing a Hilarion Reading at this point in your life?
Wendy, I've aware of the rough outline of what you're going through, from what you shared on your original older thread here on this forum. My sincere condolences.
Although you'll probably just ignore this suggestion, but I still wish to mention it : as long as you're a free thinker or open minded enough, you really should consider doing a Hilarion Reading. A Hilarion Reading is, of course, not intended to be a magic bullet to solve your problems (which from what I've followed, is pretty much unsolvable), and neither is a Hilarion Reading intended to console or patronize you, but instead, if you're fed up enough with the situation to try anything (not necessarily to solve the situation, but at the very least to hear another perspective on it), then perhaps Hilarion might offer you a new perspective to your situation, as well as suggestions on how you could make the best of it and move on with your life.
On the (slim, no doubt) chance that you decide to try it out (USD 150 via credit card), you can apply and settle the Reading yourself (I'm *not* affiliated, commercially or otherwise, with the person doing the Reading, who's located in California USA), or you can PM me if you'll like some suggestions on the phrasing and/or interpretation of the questions and/or Reading itself.
Take care, Wendy.