In step

[RiverOL]

5 No Good, Very Bad Reasons for Divorce​

He gets on your nerves. Maybe he’s lazy, works too much or is bad with money. Or you think you might be happier with someone else. Do you find yourself pondering, “Should I get divorced?”

I get it. Marriage can be a struggle. People sometimes use struggles as an excuse to divorce.

Divorce may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can improve your marriage.

Everyone struggles at one time or another in marriage. You’re not alone. Just because you’re struggling, doesn’t mean you ought to call it quits.

In some cases, divorce may be the only solution.* I’m not knocking anyone who’s chosen that option.

Women initiate divorce more often than men, according to a study by the American Sociological Association.

Sometimes poor excuses motivate wives to call it quits when they could be focusing on ways to make the marriage better.


More times than not, there may be other solutions.

If you’re currently struggling in your marriage, please check out my complimentary resources.​

Here are five common reasons for divorce that may not be reasons at all.

1. You don’t love him anymore

If marriage was based on feelings, everyone would be divorced. That bubbly feeling you got in your tummy when you saw your husband in the early days of your marriage is short lived. Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision, a commitment. You can choose to love him. Many days your love will be based on your commitment, not the way you feel. It’s easy to look for reasons not to love him. Look for reasons you can.

2. He won’t change

Every husband has issues. As tempting as it is to try to change him, it’s not your job. It will lead to a whole lot of frustration. Instead focus on what you can change. You can only be responsible for you. Change the way you respond to your husband, and chances are, he’ll change the way he responds to you.

3. You can’t forgive him

Someone once said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” It only hurts you. You’re going to get hurt in marriage, but refusing to forgive won’t help. When you divorce someone you refused to forgive, you may leave the marriage, but you’ll take the bitterness and hurt with you. And it will continue to affect your life. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’re letting him off the hook. It means you’re no longer going to allow the hurt to hold you prisoner. If you need professional help, get it.

4. Your girlfriends think you should leave him

Other people are always willing to offer solutions to our problems. Their solutions are often based on their own experiences, which may have nothing to do with your marriage. A lot of times, the advice is lousy or advice she wouldn’t take herself. Your girlfriends don’t live in your marriage. Chances are they only know the bad stuff about your husband because that’s what you share with them. They don’t experience the tender moments between the two of you. If your friends don’t support your marriage, get new friends. Find women who want better marriages and are willing to work to get them.



5. You think you’d be happier with someone else

You deserve to be happy is one of the biggest myths about marriage. Happiness in marriage isn’t something you deserve. Staying in an unhappy marriage can affect your mental and emotional health. But you don’t have to settle for dissatisfaction and mediocrity. You can learn to see your marriage differently. You don’t deserve to be happy, but you can choose to be.

*I am not referring to cases of abuse. If you are being physically abused, get to a safe place immediately.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 16:6-10, 15-19, 34

“This is to be a lasting ordinance for you: Atonement is to be made once a year for all the sins of the Israelites.”
Leviticus 16:34

When I was 12 years old, I told my father a lie—and I soon found that I had to tell more lies just to keep the first lie going. It felt like something ugly had taken over my soul, and I couldn’t get rid of it. That was guilt, and most of us learn at a young age how destructive it can be. Guilt festers in our soul; it can wear us down, even physically; and it can erode our relationships. Guilt is related to a moral standard, and since we fall short of God’s standard, we all live with guilt.

Leviticus 16 is the thematic center of God’s law. The Day of Atonement illustrated how God would remove the guilt of all his people. Because sin contaminated the community and everyone in it, the priest made atonement for his own sin, his family’s sin, and the sins of all the people; then he did the same for the tabernacle, since it was contaminated by the people’s uncleanness.

Two goats were chosen. One was killed, and its blood was poured out to signify that the penalty of death was paid. The other goat became the scapegoat and was sent out into the wilderness.

But the Day of Atonement ritual couldn’t deal fully with our guilt. No sacrifice of animals could truly pay our debt. But when Jesus cried out on the cross, “It is finished” (John 19:30)—the price for our sin was paid once for all! When we confess our sin, we can be assured that Jesus has atoned for us and that our guilt no longer counts against us!

Gracious God, in Jesus’ name we confess our sins and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you! Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 17:10-16

“The life of a creature is in the blood. . . .”
Leviticus 17:11

We have about 30 trillion blood cells moving through about 60,000 miles of blood vessels in our bodies. And if we lose more than 40 percent of our blood, our life will be at serious risk. The words of Leviticus 17:11 are true: “The life of a creature is in the blood.”

Many of our readings in Leviticus this month have mentioned something about blood. Leviticus 17 explains why. First, blood is treated with respect because it represents life, and life is a gift from God. Our culture may emphasize that we should do as we please in life. But because life is God’s gift to us, God is the rightful authority over our lives. For this reason Israel was called to safeguard the well-being of God’s creatures. We must value and protect all life against needless harm and death.

The shedding of blood also symbolized how one life was given in exchange for another. Blood was God’s gift for making atonement, showing that sin was serious and would lead to being cut off from God and his people.

On the night of his arrest, Jesus explained how his blood would be poured out, and his life given, for us (Luke 22:20). Though we are guilty, Jesus was cut off from his Father and his people so that we could be restored to the joy of God’s presence. God not only requires a sacrifice as payment for our sin, but he also provides it through Jesus!

Lord Jesus, your blood was poured out so that we can have full, eternal life! Though we cannot repay you for this gift, help us to live in thankfulness to you. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 16:6-10, 20-22

“The goat will carry on itself all their sins to a remote place; and the man shall release it in the wilderness.”
Leviticus 16:22

Limburger cheese has a smell that is sometimes compared to sweaty feet. Even worse, the smell can linger long after the cheese is gone!

Similarly, shame can linger long after our sin has been dealt with. Shame is a result of the voice of Satan whispering into our heart that we are not good enough. When we fail in a project at work or do poorly on an exam, shame makes us feel we are worthless. When we give in to temptation, or make a parenting mistake, or let our spouse down, shame implies that our failures define us. We try to work harder, chase status symbols, and make ourselves too busy, but nothing can cover the shame we feel.

In today’s reading about the scapegoat, we see that this goat was not slaughtered. Instead the people’s sins were symbolically transferred to that goat, and it was released into the wilderness, never to be seen again. The message was clear. God not only covers the guilt of his people but also removes the effects of sin—including shame—from their lives.

Jesus, serving as our scapegoat, has carried our sin away so that it is never seen again. This means that when we hear Satan’s accusations, we need only to look to the Savior and remember that God, the one person who could actually accuse us, has declared that in Jesus our sins are gone forever!

Lord and God, thank you for removing not only our guilt but also our shame. Help us to know and trust that we are fully forgiven in Jesus’ name. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 23:1-3

“You are not to do any work; wherever you live, it is a sabbath to the Lord.”
Leviticus 23:3

Our culture tends to wear busyness like a badge of honor. We work long hours; we juggle family, church, and school responsibilities; and we take our work with us when we go on vacation. When people ask us how we’re doing, though exhausted, we take pride in sighing, “Busy!” We need to ask, “Are we doing all this just to be seen, valued, and affirmed?”

Leviticus 23 opens a section about feasts and festivals that God called his people to observe. These events created a sense of rhythm and structure for God’s people, and the first of these was the weekly Sabbath. Every seven days, the people were to set their work aside and rest. As noted in Exodus 20:8-11, resting reminded Israel that God, not their labor, sustained the world, and Deuteronomy 5:12-15 made clear that God, not their labor, was their salvation.

Today most Christians observe Sunday as their day of rest and worship. Why? Because Jesus, who rose on the first day of the week, gives us a greater rest than the people of Israel had in the time of Leviticus. Jesus’ death and resurrection mean that the work of perfect obedience has been completed; he has provided the rest that our souls long for. In Jesus we are free from the relentless work of trying to earn our worth and to live as if we bear the weight of the world on our shoulders.

Are you weary and burdened? Jesus invites you to find rest in him. Set aside time this week to enjoy the rest and worship that God graciously gives us.

Lord, you invite us to find in you the only true rest that can satisfy our souls. Help us to enjoy the rest you provide. Amen.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 18:1-6; Hebrews 13:4-6

“You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you.”
Leviticus 18:3

Our culture today is immersed in sex. Many advertisements use suggestive messaging to promote fast food, clothing, video games, and more. Streaming services allow viewers to watch provocative scenes on demand. Sex is presented as bringing ultimate joy and fulfillment.

Leviticus teaches us how the Lord’s presence transforms every part of our lives. God’s presence shapes the boardroom, the family room, the classroom, and, yes, the bedroom.

While our culture’s moral compass is set by individual desire, God calls his people to look to him and his Word. Since God liberated us from slavery to sin, we must not become enslaved again by sinful desires. Anyone who has struggled with sexual temptation or sin can testify to the way it can imprison us. Instead of indulging in an “anything-goes” approach to sex, we are to honor God’s design for sexuality by enjoying it in the context of marriage between a husband and wife.

While this message may seem outdated or restrictive, God’s Word leads us to true enjoyment and flourishing. Sexual sin promises excitement but leaves us feeling empty and ashamed. Jesus has graciously paid the penalty for our sin and removed our shame so that we can live into the full enjoyment of all that God intends for us. May we live free from the slavery of sin and instead delight in living out all parts of our life in the joyful presence of God!

God, help us to live in the freedom you have won for us in Jesus. Amen.