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[RiverOL]

5 No Good, Very Bad Reasons for Divorce​

He gets on your nerves. Maybe he’s lazy, works too much or is bad with money. Or you think you might be happier with someone else. Do you find yourself pondering, “Should I get divorced?”

I get it. Marriage can be a struggle. People sometimes use struggles as an excuse to divorce.

Divorce may be a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You can improve your marriage.

Everyone struggles at one time or another in marriage. You’re not alone. Just because you’re struggling, doesn’t mean you ought to call it quits.

In some cases, divorce may be the only solution.* I’m not knocking anyone who’s chosen that option.

Women initiate divorce more often than men, according to a study by the American Sociological Association.

Sometimes poor excuses motivate wives to call it quits when they could be focusing on ways to make the marriage better.


More times than not, there may be other solutions.

If you’re currently struggling in your marriage, please check out my complimentary resources.​

Here are five common reasons for divorce that may not be reasons at all.

1. You don’t love him anymore

If marriage was based on feelings, everyone would be divorced. That bubbly feeling you got in your tummy when you saw your husband in the early days of your marriage is short lived. Love isn’t a feeling. It’s a decision, a commitment. You can choose to love him. Many days your love will be based on your commitment, not the way you feel. It’s easy to look for reasons not to love him. Look for reasons you can.

2. He won’t change

Every husband has issues. As tempting as it is to try to change him, it’s not your job. It will lead to a whole lot of frustration. Instead focus on what you can change. You can only be responsible for you. Change the way you respond to your husband, and chances are, he’ll change the way he responds to you.

3. You can’t forgive him

Someone once said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.” It only hurts you. You’re going to get hurt in marriage, but refusing to forgive won’t help. When you divorce someone you refused to forgive, you may leave the marriage, but you’ll take the bitterness and hurt with you. And it will continue to affect your life. Forgiving doesn’t mean you’re letting him off the hook. It means you’re no longer going to allow the hurt to hold you prisoner. If you need professional help, get it.

4. Your girlfriends think you should leave him

Other people are always willing to offer solutions to our problems. Their solutions are often based on their own experiences, which may have nothing to do with your marriage. A lot of times, the advice is lousy or advice she wouldn’t take herself. Your girlfriends don’t live in your marriage. Chances are they only know the bad stuff about your husband because that’s what you share with them. They don’t experience the tender moments between the two of you. If your friends don’t support your marriage, get new friends. Find women who want better marriages and are willing to work to get them.



5. You think you’d be happier with someone else

You deserve to be happy is one of the biggest myths about marriage. Happiness in marriage isn’t something you deserve. Staying in an unhappy marriage can affect your mental and emotional health. But you don’t have to settle for dissatisfaction and mediocrity. You can learn to see your marriage differently. You don’t deserve to be happy, but you can choose to be.

*I am not referring to cases of abuse. If you are being physically abused, get to a safe place immediately.

 

[RiverOL]

Scripture Reading — Leviticus 16:6-10, 15-19, 34

“This is to be a lasting ordinance for you: Atonement is to be made once a year for all the sins of the Israelites.”
Leviticus 16:34

When I was 12 years old, I told my father a lie—and I soon found that I had to tell more lies just to keep the first lie going. It felt like something ugly had taken over my soul, and I couldn’t get rid of it. That was guilt, and most of us learn at a young age how destructive it can be. Guilt festers in our soul; it can wear us down, even physically; and it can erode our relationships. Guilt is related to a moral standard, and since we fall short of God’s standard, we all live with guilt.

Leviticus 16 is the thematic center of God’s law. The Day of Atonement illustrated how God would remove the guilt of all his people. Because sin contaminated the community and everyone in it, the priest made atonement for his own sin, his family’s sin, and the sins of all the people; then he did the same for the tabernacle, since it was contaminated by the people’s uncleanness.

Two goats were chosen. One was killed, and its blood was poured out to signify that the penalty of death was paid. The other goat became the scapegoat and was sent out into the wilderness.

But the Day of Atonement ritual couldn’t deal fully with our guilt. No sacrifice of animals could truly pay our debt. But when Jesus cried out on the cross, “It is finished” (John 19:30)—the price for our sin was paid once for all! When we confess our sin, we can be assured that Jesus has atoned for us and that our guilt no longer counts against us!

Gracious God, in Jesus’ name we confess our sins and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you! Amen.