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Need some opinions about navigating finances as a married couple
Excuse my username lol.
I’m a female in my early 30s, married for 6 years to my husband who is in his late 30s. We are both self employed so our earnings can vary month to month but the gap between us is quite wide: approx 3-5k a month for me and 10-20k a month for him. I’m curious to know how others would navigate finances as a married couple if the income of both parties differ by so much? Most of my friends earn quite similar to their husbands so I can’t get much feedback due to us being in very different situations.
Lately my business hasn’t been doing so well, so my income is on the lower end and my husband has been making constant comments every time I want to spend money on a non-essential(eg. Going to get my lashes done/buying a $14 dessert etc). I don’t usually take money from him though he has provided me with some cash for certain things(mostly expensive stuff I wanted to go for that I don’t have the cash for) throughout our relationship(approx 25-30k total). I pay him back mostly by taking on nearly all of our household chores. Without oversharing, I would like to state that I do contribute to our monthly shared expenses by putting out a percentage of my monthly income + paying for nearly all of our meals when we order in(which we do quite often) + paying for my own monthly expenses myself. He pays 80-90% of our travels and when we eat out. When we need to buy big ticket items(eg. A new TV), he would usually pay for it out of his own pocket but aside from that, I’m pretty self sufficient for someone who is earning so little in this day and age lol. IMO, I think I have been quite reasonable.
I’ve been feeling quite unhappy because I feel like a married couple should share an equal lifestyle(my husband doesn’t have to downgrade his lifestyle in any way but seems to expect me to do so by making comments whenever I want to spend my own money on something that he deems unnecessary). And I don’t think I’m spending too excessively too.
Happy to gather some opinions/feedback!
*Edited to add:
Based on all the comments I’ve received so far, I’m starting to wonder if we might’ve married wrongly. I do see why it’s not fair for him to come up more money to make up for the difference in our income. But it is also very difficult for me to live a life led by someone earning 10-20k a month and be expected to live as someone earning 3-5k a month. I’m unsure how we can navigate this significant income difference and have both parties feel content.
