Dating in your 30s in Singapore is quietly heartbreaking
Hi everyone, just wanted to share something that’s been sitting on my heart.
I’m in my early 30s, F, and recently started dating again after taking a year off. Before that, I had gone on over 50 dates in five years, through apps, events, mutual friends, even blind dates. I really gave it my all, but eventually, it just became too emotionally draining.
In between, I had two short lived relationships. One ended because our values didn’t align. The other left a deeper scar - he pressured me for sex early on, and when I said no, he ended things immediately. That experience shook my confidence and made me withdraw from dating for quite a while.
Now that I’m dating again in my 30s, things feel quite different.
For one, the pool of available men does seem to have naturally gotten smaller.
Secondly, I’ve had people express surprise that I’m still single, given my personality and how I carry myself. But despite that, I rarely get approached. I’ve even tried being more upfront lately, initiating conversations or flirting a little, but it hasn’t led anywhere.
And for those who do show interest, many seem emotionally unavailable or are only looking for something casual, which can be even more disheartening.
Out of curiosity, I asked my family what they thought. They suggested maybe I could soften my energy, be more feminine, and avoid posting photos with guy friends on Instagram so I don’t come across as unavailable. And to be honest… I tried. Looking back, it’s hard to admit that I adjusted parts of myself just to seem more appealing. A part of me feels sad that I felt I had to do that.
Career-wise, I’ve had a few changes over the past few years and I’m still finding my footing financially. I do wonder if that makes me less attractive as a partner, especially at this stage in life, when stability tends to matter more.
The part that weighs on me the most is that I want a child someday :( The biological clock is very real. I’ve looked into freezing my eggs, but given my financial situation, it’s just not something I can afford right now. It just feels like I’m running out of time without the stability or resources to plan anything hahaha.
There are moments I wonder if I’m too late. Too much. Or just not enough.
But deep down, I still hope someone will see me for who I truly am, and choose to stay.
How has dating in your 30s been like for you? Does it feel lonelier or harder than before?
EDIT
Thank you so much everyone for sharing your thoughts and personal stories 
it really means a lot and made me feel a little less alone.A few of you mentioned it might be the physical attraction bit. For context, I’m around 165cm and 50kg, and I usually wear makeup when I head out. I wouldn’t call myself pretty, but I’ve gotten quite a few comments from both guy and girl friends that I seem to have a certain aura (like confidence or presence?) that makes people curious. So I guess that’s why people often wonder why I’m still single.
As for the 50 dates - if I may be honest, I turned down most of them. I was lucky that quite a few people were interested in me, and I’m really grateful for that. But the ones I liked didn’t feel the same. That was in my late 20s though, so now that I’m dating again in my 30s… it feels like the tables have turned! Maybe it’s karma hahahaha.
Editing this the next morning with a clearer head… and I don’t really think it’s about looks anymore. Maybe it’s just… me - This is quite similar to what some of you mentioned. My family’s specific comments were that I’m “too independent,” that I should speak less, think less, and be more of a 小女人.
Thank you again for holding space and sharing your own experiences
It means more than you know.
