Benitez: "I want to apply for Man U manager job! I confess I am really a Man U supporter, not Liverpool, not Chelsea!....No chance? Wait, wait, how about considering me as an Interim Manager? I'm very good at that."
Baines: "I will join you on conditions. Of course, you must drop Patrice Evra in favour of me. Then I want you to sign Gareth Bale to play in front of me on the left. Also, buy a big target man like Lewandowski so that my crosses will not be wasted."
Ferguson: "Eh Moyes, you have only a few minutes left to decide and accept the job offer. In fact, time's up and you are on Fergie (injury) time liao."
Mourinho: "KNN, this backlash against foreign talent has cost me the job at Man Utd. It is obvious that I am a better manager than Moyes. But Man U prefer local talent lah. Don't give me that bullshit about my behaviour is not Man U manager quality."
Ferguson: "Moyes, I am handing over to you a great squad. And I am also going to give you my biggest weapon: my magic watch that can add precious seconds to injury time."
Moyes: "Awesome! The legendary Fergie Time watch."
Man Utd players: "The boss is retiring. We are going to do what we have not dared to do all these years: pull his hair and see if it is a wig as we have long suspect."
Ferguson: "These are all my grandchildren but I was a bit busy with work the past 26 years; I don't even know how many grandchildren I have and what are their names."
Rooney: "Son, do you like red?...No?...You prefer blue?...OK, OK, daddy will get you a blue Champions jersey...I will force through my transfer to Chelsea then."