http://kementah.blogspot.com/2009/10/blue-on-blue-part-6-fathers-pain.html
VIOLENCE AT MEET-THE-PEOPLE SESSIONS
By Lawrence Loh
It started with MP Seng Han Thong being set on fire. Then came MP Denise Phua who was threatened by a rag-and-bone man. Now it is MP Cynthia Phua who was subjected to a display of violence by a constituent.
Although these incidents are disturbing and a cause for concern, I wonder whether the constituents are solely to be blamed.
Allow me to relate my personal experience.
In February 2001, my older son died in a naval accident whilst serving National Service. In that year, my younger son was due for enlistment. A friend, a very active grassroots member, suggested that I approach my MP, for help in exploring the possibility of getting an exemption for my younger son. I was reluctant but he went ahead to fix an appointment for me at the Meet-The-People Session (MPS). I subsequently relented and he accompanied me there. It was in March 2001. That was my first appearance at a MPS, and it was to be my last.
I waited until midnight before I could meet the MP. Prior to this, he was given the case paper which detailed the objective of the meeting and the circumstances of my case.
When I entered the room, his first remark was “Yes, what can I do for you?”. There was no attempt at offering a word of sympathy or condolence. I then related my situation and said that both my wife and I were very traumatised.
His next remark was:“What traumatic? After two months, you won’t be traumatic.”.
With that, I decided to end the meeting. And with that, my respect for him hit ground zero. I was too stunned and grief-stricken to react. Someone who was less-controlled and less-measured than me could have flown into a rage and become violent.
MPs are elected or appointed to serve the constituents. People who attend the MPS are those who have real problems and need help. In a lot of instances, they are stressed, distressed and troubled.
What they need is a caring soul, a helping hand, a gentle voice, and words of hope and encouragement. To dispense these, MPs need good interpersonal skills and a high EQ. Arrogance, a patronizing, chiding and belittling attitude, aloofness and lack of empathy will only trigger acts of rashness and violence.
Many of our politicians have a high IQ, some are scholars. However, a high IQ is not the only attribute needed in a political career. A high EQ is equally, if not more critical, especially when it comes to dealing with the constituents.
In my case, I would have felt good if my MP could have been a warm and caring person. If he could have been empathetic, consoling and helpful. All these qualities can only come from the heart, not from the mind.
How many of our MPs can stand up and be counted for this?
***
If you don't know, Mr L Loh's son was 2LT Daryl Loh, killed when thrown overboard from a RSN ship that suddenly accelerated. The younger son/brother did get exempt. Only because Mr Lawrence Loh was a senior SPH official.
https://kementah.blogspot.com/2010/02/remembering-2lt-daryl-loh.html
https://kementah.blogspot.com/2009/10/blue-on-blue-part-6b-fathers-pain.html
A Father's Pain
By Lawrence Loh
WHEN I read stories of SAF (Singapore Armed Forces) deaths, I will think of my son Daryl. He died in a naval accident in February 2001.
In an interview I gave to The Sunday Times in January 2003, I spoke of a deep-seated sadness that will never go away. (This was after four Republic of Singapore Navy (RSN) women sailors died after RSS Courageous collided with a merchant ship.)
We’re now in 2009. We have moved on, but memories of my family’s ordeal remain as fresh as the day the accident took place.
Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) and SAF personnel will never know the anguish that families who have lost their loved ones have to endure whenever we read about a training death. People in charge of handling training accidents must know that many more families will feel the hurt and the pain, other than those of the next-of-kin of the latest accident that makes the news.
I don’t believe in grieving alone which is why I’m sharing our experience. It is a form of emotional release.
The 26th of February 2001 was the day my life turned upside down.
It was a Monday and I was walking back after lunch to my office at Paragon Shopping Centre when my wife called at around 2pm. She said Daryl had fallen into the sea.
It came as a shock and she had to repeat the Navy officer’s telephone number three times before I got it down.
I called the officer and learnt that Daryl had fallen into the sea 40 minutes earlier. Naval divers were looking for him.
I was in a daze and went back to work.
My wife called me and asked me to go home immediately. That’s when the seriousness of the news sank in.
At home, the wait for the Navy’s call seemed like an eternity.
The Navy called me back around 3:30pm asking me to go to Changi General Hospital. I was in no position to drive, so my sister-in-law drove us there.
When I peeked into the resuscitation room, I saw the doctors pumping away trying to revive Daryl. At around 4pm, I identified his body.
His body was placed on a gurney, covered with a blanket and with only his face exposed. He looked like he was asleep.
My wife and I were devastated and we couldn’t eat for several days.
We had to decide whether the wake would stretch for three or five days. We decided on five because Daryl’s friends were overseas and his girlfriend was in Cornell. They needed time to fly back to Singapore.
The next day, I was anxious to see what The Straits Times had written about the accident. It was a very moving article.
My mind was in a daze. On Tuesday, friends said I had not placed an obituary and helped to arrange for one in the newspaper. I took a day to write the obituary for Daryl. I had always thought he would be writing my obituary.
(The Loh family’s tribute to Daryl read:“Daryl, you are our pride and joy. We love you and will miss you dearly. The emotional pain we are going through is indescribable.”)
You know, we may be Catholics but we’re still Chinese and the Chinese believe parents should not send off their children at funerals. I said we must be there for Daryl, so we all went to his funeral.
The real pain came after the funeral and I was on an emotional roller-coaster.
During the grieving period, every trigger point brings a flood of memories.
I remember our last dinner at the Island Club where Daryl ordered a club sandwich. It was our last meal together and I still keep the receipt. For a year, my wife refused to return to the club as that’s where we last saw him alive. (Rich man)
It took me about six months to get over the intense grieving. My wife took about a year.
I wrote to Dr Tony Tan (then Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for Defence) to request an exemption for my second son Clarence. MINDEF said the Enlistment Act did not permit this, but offered to downgrade him to a non-combat vocation. You know, before Daryl’s accident, I actually wanted to put Clarence through a rigorous regime as I felt it would be good for him.
Lui Tuck Yew (Rear Admiral, then Chief of Navy) offered to place Clarence in the Navy so the Navy could look after him. I took up his offer.
Admiral Lui visited my family regularly during the wake and for many years after the funeral. Rear Admiral Tan Kai Hoe also provided much needed emotional support, for which we are grateful.
It has never occurred to me to close up. I’ve kept all the obituaries, friends’ emails, SMSes, condolence cards and stories from newspapers in a file.
I try to get over the tragedy by talking to others and hope the findings from the accident can be used to prevent future accidents… I don’t think I will ever get over it.
Lawrence Loh-- SPH https://www.sph.com.sg/media_releases/74
https://www.tnp.sg/news/singapore/t...es-coping-after-their-children-died-accidents
https://www.straitstimes.com/forum/...fference-between-risk-taking-and-recklessness
My older son died in a naval training accident in 2001, while doing national service. The several commissions of inquiry concluded that the lack of a proper equipment maintenance regime, inadequate supervision, poorly designed training plans, scant attention paid to risk assessments and violation of training safety protocols contributed to an accident that was waiting to happen, as it did on Feb 26, 2001.
Those found guilty were given varying forms of punishment, I received a meagreworkmen's compensation payout and the case was closed.
VIOLENCE AT MEET-THE-PEOPLE SESSIONS
By Lawrence Loh
It started with MP Seng Han Thong being set on fire. Then came MP Denise Phua who was threatened by a rag-and-bone man. Now it is MP Cynthia Phua who was subjected to a display of violence by a constituent.
Although these incidents are disturbing and a cause for concern, I wonder whether the constituents are solely to be blamed.
Allow me to relate my personal experience.
In February 2001, my older son died in a naval accident whilst serving National Service. In that year, my younger son was due for enlistment. A friend, a very active grassroots member, suggested that I approach my MP, for help in exploring the possibility of getting an exemption for my younger son. I was reluctant but he went ahead to fix an appointment for me at the Meet-The-People Session (MPS). I subsequently relented and he accompanied me there. It was in March 2001. That was my first appearance at a MPS, and it was to be my last.
I waited until midnight before I could meet the MP. Prior to this, he was given the case paper which detailed the objective of the meeting and the circumstances of my case.
When I entered the room, his first remark was “Yes, what can I do for you?”. There was no attempt at offering a word of sympathy or condolence. I then related my situation and said that both my wife and I were very traumatised.
His next remark was:“What traumatic? After two months, you won’t be traumatic.”.
With that, I decided to end the meeting. And with that, my respect for him hit ground zero. I was too stunned and grief-stricken to react. Someone who was less-controlled and less-measured than me could have flown into a rage and become violent.
MPs are elected or appointed to serve the constituents. People who attend the MPS are those who have real problems and need help. In a lot of instances, they are stressed, distressed and troubled.
What they need is a caring soul, a helping hand, a gentle voice, and words of hope and encouragement. To dispense these, MPs need good interpersonal skills and a high EQ. Arrogance, a patronizing, chiding and belittling attitude, aloofness and lack of empathy will only trigger acts of rashness and violence.
Many of our politicians have a high IQ, some are scholars. However, a high IQ is not the only attribute needed in a political career. A high EQ is equally, if not more critical, especially when it comes to dealing with the constituents.
In my case, I would have felt good if my MP could have been a warm and caring person. If he could have been empathetic, consoling and helpful. All these qualities can only come from the heart, not from the mind.
How many of our MPs can stand up and be counted for this?
***
If you don't know, Mr L Loh's son was 2LT Daryl Loh, killed when thrown overboard from a RSN ship that suddenly accelerated. The younger son/brother did get exempt. Only because Mr Lawrence Loh was a senior SPH official.
https://kementah.blogspot.com/2010/02/remembering-2lt-daryl-loh.html
https://kementah.blogspot.com/2009/10/blue-on-blue-part-6b-fathers-pain.html
A Father's Pain
By Lawrence Loh
WHEN I read stories of SAF (Singapore Armed Forces) deaths, I will think of my son Daryl. He died in a naval accident in February 2001.
In an interview I gave to The Sunday Times in January 2003, I spoke of a deep-seated sadness that will never go away. (This was after four Republic of Singapore Navy (RSN) women sailors died after RSS Courageous collided with a merchant ship.)
We’re now in 2009. We have moved on, but memories of my family’s ordeal remain as fresh as the day the accident took place.
Ministry of Defence (MINDEF) and SAF personnel will never know the anguish that families who have lost their loved ones have to endure whenever we read about a training death. People in charge of handling training accidents must know that many more families will feel the hurt and the pain, other than those of the next-of-kin of the latest accident that makes the news.
I don’t believe in grieving alone which is why I’m sharing our experience. It is a form of emotional release.
The 26th of February 2001 was the day my life turned upside down.
It was a Monday and I was walking back after lunch to my office at Paragon Shopping Centre when my wife called at around 2pm. She said Daryl had fallen into the sea.
It came as a shock and she had to repeat the Navy officer’s telephone number three times before I got it down.
I called the officer and learnt that Daryl had fallen into the sea 40 minutes earlier. Naval divers were looking for him.
I was in a daze and went back to work.
My wife called me and asked me to go home immediately. That’s when the seriousness of the news sank in.
At home, the wait for the Navy’s call seemed like an eternity.
The Navy called me back around 3:30pm asking me to go to Changi General Hospital. I was in no position to drive, so my sister-in-law drove us there.
When I peeked into the resuscitation room, I saw the doctors pumping away trying to revive Daryl. At around 4pm, I identified his body.
His body was placed on a gurney, covered with a blanket and with only his face exposed. He looked like he was asleep.
My wife and I were devastated and we couldn’t eat for several days.
We had to decide whether the wake would stretch for three or five days. We decided on five because Daryl’s friends were overseas and his girlfriend was in Cornell. They needed time to fly back to Singapore.
The next day, I was anxious to see what The Straits Times had written about the accident. It was a very moving article.
My mind was in a daze. On Tuesday, friends said I had not placed an obituary and helped to arrange for one in the newspaper. I took a day to write the obituary for Daryl. I had always thought he would be writing my obituary.
(The Loh family’s tribute to Daryl read:“Daryl, you are our pride and joy. We love you and will miss you dearly. The emotional pain we are going through is indescribable.”)
You know, we may be Catholics but we’re still Chinese and the Chinese believe parents should not send off their children at funerals. I said we must be there for Daryl, so we all went to his funeral.
The real pain came after the funeral and I was on an emotional roller-coaster.
During the grieving period, every trigger point brings a flood of memories.
I remember our last dinner at the Island Club where Daryl ordered a club sandwich. It was our last meal together and I still keep the receipt. For a year, my wife refused to return to the club as that’s where we last saw him alive. (Rich man)
It took me about six months to get over the intense grieving. My wife took about a year.
I wrote to Dr Tony Tan (then Deputy Prime Minister and Minister for Defence) to request an exemption for my second son Clarence. MINDEF said the Enlistment Act did not permit this, but offered to downgrade him to a non-combat vocation. You know, before Daryl’s accident, I actually wanted to put Clarence through a rigorous regime as I felt it would be good for him.
Lui Tuck Yew (Rear Admiral, then Chief of Navy) offered to place Clarence in the Navy so the Navy could look after him. I took up his offer.
Admiral Lui visited my family regularly during the wake and for many years after the funeral. Rear Admiral Tan Kai Hoe also provided much needed emotional support, for which we are grateful.
It has never occurred to me to close up. I’ve kept all the obituaries, friends’ emails, SMSes, condolence cards and stories from newspapers in a file.
I try to get over the tragedy by talking to others and hope the findings from the accident can be used to prevent future accidents… I don’t think I will ever get over it.
Lawrence Loh-- SPH https://www.sph.com.sg/media_releases/74
https://www.tnp.sg/news/singapore/t...es-coping-after-their-children-died-accidents
https://www.straitstimes.com/forum/...fference-between-risk-taking-and-recklessness
My older son died in a naval training accident in 2001, while doing national service. The several commissions of inquiry concluded that the lack of a proper equipment maintenance regime, inadequate supervision, poorly designed training plans, scant attention paid to risk assessments and violation of training safety protocols contributed to an accident that was waiting to happen, as it did on Feb 26, 2001.
Those found guilty were given varying forms of punishment, I received a meagreworkmen's compensation payout and the case was closed.
