* ALL Questions about Relationships *

[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about flirting?


Answer

The Bible does not specifically talk to us about whether or not flirting is wrong, so what we should do is examine the definition of flirting. According to Merriam-Webster, flirting is "a) to behave amorously without serious intent, or b) to show superficial or casual interest or liking." It is synonymous with the word trifle, which is something of little value. The next thing we should examine is what people are usually trying to accomplish when they flirt. Are they trying to get attention from others, whether it is negative or positive? Are they attempting to show sexual interest or attraction? Do they see it as “innocent fun,” even if they or the other person is involved with someone else, even married?

Having casual contact with someone while purposely entertaining sexual undertones can be dangerous for us spiritually. Although most people believe that as long as nothing physical takes place, what goes on in our minds is irrelevant, the Bible tells us otherwise. “But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust in his eye has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So if your eye – even if it is your good eye – causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell” (Matthew 5:28-29).

Sin begins in our minds and then moves to our hearts. Matthew 12:35 tells us that “a good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person produces evil words from an evil heart.” It is a fact that whatever we surround ourselves with, whatever we indulge ourselves in, and whatever we fill our minds with is what we will become. This is why Philippians 4:8 says, “Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.”

Although flirting is almost always described as “harmless,” it rarely, if ever, actually is. The first thing to consider is what people generally think about those who flirt. A woman who flirts, for example, will develop a reputation as being promiscuous. She will find that other women look at her as a threat and take an instant disliking to her. A man who flirts will be viewed as a womanizer who is not interested in serious relationships. Anyone who flirts may enjoy the attention, but the interest shown to that person is almost exclusively sexual and will probably lack any sense of respect.

The Bible tells us that we are to be a good example, showing others the love of Christ through our behavior (Ephesians 5:1-2). It is possible that a man or woman who is being flirted with has been struggling with lustful thoughts themselves. When a person of the opposite sex is hanging on them, winking at them, touching them, or showing off their body to them, it will make the person’s struggle all the more difficult. The Bible strongly warns us against tempting others to sin (Matthew 18:7). We should do all we can to bring others into God’s Kingdom and never do anything that would cause a person to stumble in his Christian walk (Romans 14:21). First Corinthians 10:31 reminds us, “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about age differences in relationships?


Answer

If you do a Bible search for the phrase age differences in relationships, you will find exactly 0 results. In fact, a person’s age is rarely mentioned in Scripture, and this holds true for married couples in the Bible. We just don’t know of couples’ age differences in the Bible.

Abraham and Sarah are the exception; we do know the age difference between those two. When God promised Abraham that he and Sarah would be the start of many nations, “Abraham fell facedown; he laughed and said to himself, ‘Will a son be born to a man a hundred years old? Will Sarah bear a child at the age of ninety?’” (Genesis 17:17). Based on Abraham’s mirthful questions, he and Sarah were ten years apart—not a huge age difference, but noteworthy. There are no other couples in the Bible where both individuals’ ages are given.

It is often assumed that Boaz was significantly older than Ruth. This is based on a passage in Ruth 3. When Ruth asks Boaz to be her kinsman-redeemer, Boaz replies, “The Lord bless you, my daughter. . . . You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor” (verse 10). The implication is that Ruth, rather than seeking a husband among those closer to her own age, either in Moab or in Israel, sought to follow Jewish custom and place herself under the protection of the more mature Boaz. The Jewish Mishnah sets Boaz’s age at 80 and Ruth’s at 40 (Ruth Rabbah 7:4; Ruth Zuta 4:13), but that’s pure speculation, since the Bible does not reveal the age difference between the two.

It’s also commonly thought that Joseph was significantly older than Mary. However, there is absolutely nothing in the Bible to indicate that.

Given the Bible’s silence on the issue, we can say that, in the end, age differences in relationships are not a major concern to God. Age can be important in a marriage, of course, but it is far less important than other issues such as salvation, spiritual maturity, compatibility, etc. As people get older, age differences mean less and less. Obviously, a 40-year-old marrying an 18-year-old will raise some eyebrows, but no one thinks twice about an 82-year-old marrying a 60-year-old.

The person we marry should be of the opposite gender (Genesis 2:21–25), and he or she should be a believer in Christ (2 Corinthians 6:14). And, of course, we should marry for the proper reasons (lust and greed being improper reasons). Beyond those guidelines, we have a certain amount of freedom concerning whom to marry. Age differences are a matter of consideration, and we should certainly ask for wisdom when the difference is great (James 1:5), but the Bible does not treat age differences as a moral or spiritual issue.

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

How can I know if I am in love?

Answer

Love is a very powerful emotion. It motivates much of our lives. We make many important decisions based on this emotion, and even get married because we feel that we are “in love.” This may be the reason about half of all first marriages end in divorce. The Bible teaches us that true love is not an emotion that can come or go, but a decision. We are not just to love those who love us; we should even love those who hate us, the same way that Christ loves the unlovable (Luke 6:35). “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7).

It can be very easy to “fall in love” with someone, but there are some questions to ask before deciding if what we are feeling is true love. First, is this person a Christian, meaning has he given his life to Christ? Is he/she trusting Christ alone for salvation? Also, if you are considering giving your heart and emotions to one person, you should ask yourself if you are willing to put that person above all other people and to put your relationship second only to God. The Bible tells us that when two people get married, they become one flesh (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).

Another thing to consider is whether or not the loved one is a good candidate for being a mate. Has he/she already put God first and foremost in his/her life? Is he/she able to give his/her time and energy to building the relationship into a marriage that will last a lifetime? There is no measuring stick to determine when we are truly in love with someone, but it is important to discern whether we are following our emotions or following God’s will for our lives. True love is a decision, not just an emotion. True biblical love is loving someone all of the time, not just when you feel “in love.”

For Further Study

Get Lost: Your Guide to Finding True Love by Dannah Gresh

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

Is it wrong to have a romantic relationship with a close relative?


Answer

The relationships that God forbade in the Old Testament Law are listed in Leviticus chapter 18, verses 6–18. In that passage, the Israelites are commanded not to commit incest, which is a defiling sin (Leviticus 18:24). The law lists relationships, whether involving marriage or not, that God defined as incestuous. An Israelite man was not to marry or have sex with the following people:

His mother
His stepparent
His sister or half-sister (and possibly step-sister of no biological relation brought up as the daughter of his biological parent)
His aunt
His daughter-in-law
His sister-in-law, as long as his wife was living (Leviticus 18:18)

Interestingly, marriage between cousins is nowhere forbidden in the Bible. The other relationships listed above are immoral.

Before the law was given, in the early days of humanity, there was a need for marriage between close relatives, as there were a limited number of human beings. Adam and Eve’s children married their siblings, by necessity. Even in those days, however, marriage between parent and child was not allowable, as Genesis 2:24 implies: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” A man was to leave his mother, not marry her.

It was not until humanity increased greatly on the earth that people no longer needed to intermarry among relatives. In the early days of humanity, the human genetic code was not corrupted to the extent that it is today. Therefore, marriages between close relatives carried little risk of genetic abnormalities in the children they produced. Once the human race expanded and, due to sin, the human genetic code grew more corrupt, God commanded against the marriage of close relatives.

There is nothing essentially wrong with marrying a first cousin or other, more distant relative. There are other considerations, though. One is the civil law in the place where we live: many places disallow marriage between first cousins, and the Bible commands us to obey the laws of the nation we live in (Romans 13:1–6).

While Christians are no longer under the Law of Moses, the moral principles still stand. That means that the relationships listed in Leviticus 18 are still immoral. No one should marry a sibling or a parent. The only moral exception to the list is that of marriage to an in-law after the death of a spouse.

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

What is the difference between dating and courting?


Answer

Dating and courtship are two methods of beginning relationships with the opposite sex. While there are non-Christians who date with the intention of having a series of intimate physical relationships, for the Christian this is not acceptable and should never be the reason for dating. Many Christians see dating as little more than friendship and maintain the friendship aspect of their dating until both people are ready to commit to each other as potential marriage partners. First and foremost, dating is a time when a Christian finds out if his or her potential marriage partner is also a believer in Christ. The Bible warns that believers and unbelievers should not marry each other, because those living in the light (of Christ) and those living in the darkness cannot live in harmony (2 Corinthians 6:14–15). Christians who date should limit their physical contact with each other to avoid temptation (1 Corinthians 6:18–20).

Those who advocate courtship instead of dating take the position that the couple should have no physical contact at all (no touching, no handholding, no kissing) until marriage. Many in a courtship relationship will not spend any time together unless family members, preferably parents, are also present. In addition, courting couples state up front that their intentions are to see if they are suitable marriage partners. Courtship advocates claim that courtship allows for two people to truly get to know each other in a platonic setting without the pressures of physical intimacy or emotions clouding their view.

There are problems inherent with both relationship approaches. For daters, spending time alone with a member of the opposite sex whom they find attractive can present hard-to-resist temptations. The Christian dating couple must have boundaries in place and be committed to not crossing them. If they find this hard to do, they must take steps to ensure that Christ will always be honored during their time together and that sin is never given a chance to take hold in their relationship. If the dating couple are still under parental authority, then the parents should be involved, knowledgeable, and available.

The courtship style presents its own set of difficulties. While many courtship advocates see it as the only choice for finding a mate, others find it oppressive and overly controlling. In addition, it can be hard to find the “real” person behind the public face presented in front of the entire family. No one is the same in a group setting as he or she is one-on-one. If a couple is never alone together, they never have that one-on-one opportunity to relate and get to know one another in emotional and spiritual intimacy. In addition, some courtship situations have led to something akin to an arranged marriage, which can foster resentment in the couple.

Neither dating nor courtship is mandated in Scripture. In the end, the Christian character and spiritual maturity of the couple is far more important than the exact nature of how and when they spend time together. The result of the process—whatever method is used—should be godly Christian men and women marrying and raising families that honor God. “Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Corinthians 10:31, NKJV).

Believing one’s personal preference—dating or courting—is the “only way” is a pitfall. Looking down on those who make the opposite choice is prideful. The unity of the body of Christ is something we should strive for, regardless of personal choices others make pertaining to relationship issues on which the Bible is silent.

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

If an unmarried couple has sex, are they married in God’s eyes?

Answer

The Bible says that marriage happens when “a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). It is the “one flesh” aspect of marriage that has led some people to assume that, if an unmarried couple has sex, then they are married in God’s eyes. Is it as simple as that? Or is there more to marriage than the physical act of sex?



We do not believe that the act of sex alone constitutes marriage. We have three reasons for saying so.

First, a reason based on logic. If it were true that premarital sex makes a couple married in God’s eyes, then there would be no such thing as premarital sex. The instant an unmarried couple have sex, they would lose their “premarital” status, becoming each other’s de facto spouse. The Bible’s warnings against premarital sex—a type of fornication—would thus be rendered irrelevant. Premarital sex could not be considered immoral because, the moment sexual intercourse occurred, it would become marital sex. To avoid immorality, couples are counseled in 1 Corinthians 7:2 to get married; but if sex equals marriage, the counsel simply becomes, “To avoid immorality, have sex.” And that’s not the advice Paul was trying to give.

A second reason that the act of sex alone does not constitute marriage is based on the meaning and significance of marriage. The biblical picture of marriage involves the union of a man and woman in every way possible: mentally, emotionally, morally, spiritually, economically, and, yes, physically. Sex joins a man and woman physically and to some extent emotionally, but there is no other union that results. To reduce marriage to the physical union of two people is to disrespect God’s design and ignore most of what marriage is.

Third, marriage requires commitment, and sex does not. In fact, sex cannot provide a sufficient basis for establishing an ongoing relationship. The 1994 movie Speed closes with the two main characters, Jack and Annie, embracing. Jack tells Annie, “I have to warn you, I’ve heard relationships based on intense experiences never work,” to which Annie replies, “OK. We’ll have to base it on sex then.” And they kiss, and the credits roll. Such dialogue is comically fictitious and only works in Hollywood. Committed relationships are grounded in the union of will and intellect and material resources. That’s why cultures worldwide have developed accepted ways of formalizing the marital relationship to make it socially and legally binding.

If an unmarried couple has sex, does that mean they are married? No. The idea is foreign to the Bible, in which premarital sex is considered the sin of fornication. Sexual intercourse may have joined the couple physically for a moment, but that is quite different from God joining them together as husband and wife. It could be that premarital sex will lead to a “shotgun wedding” and a ceremony that “makes an honest man” of the groom. But it’s the ceremony that ties the knot, not the act of sex.

Sex is an important aspect of marriage according to God’s design of intertwining a man and a woman in a committed, lifelong relationship. Sex between unmarried people, though it mimics the physical act of marriage, does not equal marriage.

For Further Study

Hope and Holiness: How the Gospel Enables and Empowers Sexual Purity by John Fonville

Men -

Every Young Man’s Battle : Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation by Stephen Arterburn
.
Women -

Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

Does Sex Equal Marriage in God's Eyes? | GotQuestions.org

 

[Patriot]

Should a married person have a close friend of the opposite sex?


Answer

Genesis 2:23-24 describes the creation of marriage with verse 24 revealing the closeness of relationship that a husband and wife share: “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” The marriage relationship is to be honored as the most significant, yet a husband and wife will still have other relationships. Should married men and women only have relationships with those of the same sex? Is it sinful for a married person to have a close friend of the opposite sex?

God designed marriage to be a unique union between a man and a woman in a covenant for life. God’s design for marriage includes sex, the consummation of that union, which is to be experienced only between a married man and woman. Any sexual expression outside the marriage covenant is sin. Yet, God calls believers to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. Married or single, male or female, believers are called to have relationships—same sex and opposite sex—that reflect Christ to the world by our love for one another (John 13:35).

Believers are a family (Ephesians 2:19), and God calls us into meaningful relationships with each other. Our love for one another is governed by loving God and loving each other as brothers and sisters in Christ (1 Timothy 5:1–2). The Bible speaks of the value of friends (Proverbs 18:24; 27:17; Ecclesiastes 4:9) and gives us dozens of “one another” commands showing us how to relate to each another. We are called to love one another (John 13:34; Romans 13:8), serve one another (Galatians 5:13), encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 4:18), and spur one another on toward love and good deeds (Hebrews 10:24). These instructions are for all believers, not simply those of the same sex.

At the same time, having a close friend of the opposite sex has led many into sin. First Corinthians 6:18 instructs us to “flee from sexual immorality,” and Ephesians 5:3 declares that there “must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, impurity, or greed” among us. These are strong warnings. The many failures of men and women of God over the centuries reveal the reason God warned so clearly of the dangers of temptation in opposite-gender relationships.

What should be the response then? Should a married person not have any close friends of the opposite sex? Clearly, it is not God’s will for us to cut ourselves off from meaningful relationships with 50 percent of the world’s population the moment we get married. Still, there are clear barriers that should not be trespassed, and it is wise to not even come close to those barriers.

Some have chosen to live by what is commonly known as the “Billy Graham rule” of not allowing yourself to ever be alone with a member of the opposite sex other than your spouse or an immediate family member. This is a good option and will surely minimize opportunities for temptation and/or accusations. For this reason, many pastors and counselors avoid meeting alone with a member of the opposite sex. They ask an additional person to be present in the room, and, if the door must be closed, they make sure the room has a window. Setting such personal boundaries is wise, and having rules that go beyond the scriptural prohibition is likely the right decision for some.

Care should be taken, though, that following personal rules does not result in legalism. The biblical commands are “Do not commit adultery” and “Flee temptation.” However, there is a difference between explicit commands and personal applications. “Never, under any circumstance, be alone with a person of the opposite sex” is not a biblical command. Neither is “Never be vulnerable or have any degree of emotional intimacy with a person of the opposite sex.” Developing biblical convictions that work for us is good and right. But they may not be the same convictions that God desires for everyone else. Our personal convictions should not be treated as if they were universal biblical commands.

For those in Christian leadership, even more care should be taken. Christian leaders are to be “above reproach” and have a “good reputation with outsiders” (1 Timothy 3:1–7). Accusations, even when proven false, can have a devastating impact on a ministry. Therefore, ministers should do everything possible to not give anyone an opportunity to slander (Matthew 5:11; 1 Peter 3:16). Keeping that in mind, 1 Peter 5:1 instructs elders to shepherd the flock, not half of the flock. Can a flock truly thrive if half of the sheep lack meaningful contact with the shepherd?

With all that said, here are some principles to consider:

• We have to stop looking at people of the opposite sex as potential objects to fulfill our lusts. Men and women are to relate to each other in meaningful and appropriate ways. We are to see those of the opposite sex as fellow bearers of God’s image (Genesis 1:26–27) and believers of the opposite sex as our brothers or sisters.

• If married, we have to give our spouse priority in all relationships (Genesis 2:24). We should never seek to get something from an opposite-sex friend that we are not receiving from our spouse. We must always be open and honest with our spouse regarding our relationships—all of them, not just those that involve the opposite sex. If your spouse has concerns about a relationship, take those concerns seriously.

• While we must be careful to not even give the “appearance of evil” (1 Thessalonians 5:22), we can’t constantly worry about how everything might be misperceived by others. Romans 14:4 declares, “Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.” We must live above approach and seek to please God not man (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

• Men and women are different. If you only spend time with people of the same sex, you run the risk of creating an echo chamber. It is important to have meaningful relationships with members of the opposite sex. They will see different things in and about you. They will encourage, love, serve, and spur you differently. They may even notice areas of needed change that your spouse has grown accustomed to—or that you’ve ignored when your spouse pointed them out.

The Bible clearly calls us to have meaningful relationships in the body of Christ. We will be spending eternity worshiping and serving God together. Male and female are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28). Yes, we should set safeguards to protect our reputation. Absolutely, we must flee temptation. But impactful relationships in the body of Christ, male and female, married or single, can be beneficial, edifying, encouraging, and most importantly, honoring and glorifying to God.

For Further Study

The ESV Study Bible: Helping You Understand the Bible in a Deeper Way

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

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Earthquakes​

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[COLOR=revert-layer]Two powerful earthquakes struck northern Venezuela less than a minute apart Wednesday evening, killing at least 188 people.​

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[COLOR=revert-layer]First, a 7.2-magnitude quake struck ~100 miles west of Venezuela's capital, Caracas. Just 39 seconds later, a 7.5-magnitude tremor hit ~10 miles from the first.[/COLOR]​

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[COLOR=revert-layer]The earthquakes are among the strongest to hit the country in over a century. Over 1,500 people were injured, 150+ remain missing, and collapsed buildings left the region a “disaster zone” according to Venezuela's Acting President Rodriguez, who declared a state of emergency yesterday.[/COLOR]​

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[COLOR=revert-layer]Rural Northern California also experienced an earthquake Wednesday morning; the 5.6-magnitude quake was the region's strongest since 1940, causing mild shaking and some injuries but no major damage. Meanwhile, a 7.2-magnitude earthquake struck off the northern coast of Japan during rush hour Thursday, injuring eight with no reported deaths.[/COLOR]​

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[COLOR=revert-layer][COLOR=revert-layer]BE DOERS
[COLOR=revert-layer]Times of great tragedy can open doors for hope, and Convoy of Hope is on the ground in Venezuela. In the midst of the rubble, they're providing life-sustaining relief, including food and water from mobile kitchens. You can be a part of that response, and TPO is matching the first $5,000 given to COH's Crisis Relief Fund[/COLOR][COLOR=revert-layer].[/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR]​

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[COLOR=revert-layer][COLOR=revert-layer]“If a brother or sister is without clothes and lacks daily food and one of you says to them, ‘Go in peace, stay warm, and be well fed,’ but you don't give them what the body needs, what good is it?”
James 2:15-16 (CSB) (read full passage[COLOR=revert-layer])[/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR]​

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[Patriot]

What is the Christian view of engagement?


Answer

In the Bible, there were three steps the Jewish people had to take when getting married. The families first had to agree to the union, and then a public announcement was made. At this point, the couple was betrothed, or engaged. Finally, they were officially married and began to live together. Betrothal, then, was somewhat similar to what we call engagement now, except that our society does not honor the seriousness of engagement as they did then. When a Jewish couple was betrothed during Bible times, they were already bound together by a contract that could only be broken through death or divorce.

Any Christian who is considering marriage needs to realize the depth of this kind of commitment and not jump into it lightly. God intends marriage to be a lifelong commitment, not a temporary arrangement. The Bible says this about marriage: "'This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.' Since they are no longer two but one, let no one separate them, for God has joined them together" (Mark 10:7-9).

Christians need to make sure they have a clear understanding of the person they may marry before becoming engaged. The Bible says that Christians cannot team up with and live in harmony with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14-15). A Christian teaming up with an unbeliever almost guarantees that the Christian will be pulled away from Christ because, as the Bible says, "bad company corrupts good character" (1 Corinthians 15:33). The only way to have a God-honoring, stable foundation for a marriage is to be firmly grounded in one’s faith and make sure that the potential partner is equally dedicated to God.

Christians should live their lives with God as the director. He wants to be a part of every aspect of our lives, including whom we marry. Having a clear understanding of God’s Word and developing a personal relationship with Him through prayer and yielding to the direction of the Holy Spirit is the first and most important step in determining His will for us. The world’s advice on dating and engagement should only be considered in light of God’s truths in Scripture. If we seek His will in all we do, He will direct our paths (Proverbs 3:5-6).

For Further Study

The ESV Study Bible: Helping You Understand the Bible in a Deeper Way

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible