Redditer: To those who fell behind or fell between the cracks of society in SG, how did you get over your sense of inferiority to pursue a relationshi

[Tree]

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To those who fell behind or fell between the cracks of society in SG, how did you get over your sense of inferiority to pursue a relationship again?​

General

In Singapore, we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to perform. Sticking to the road well traveled solely due to the pressures we might have accrued since we were just kids. So when someone who's been raised by society to be a machine inevitably comes up short due to being a human, it does something to the individual.

I took the road less traveled, and in it I've found people who were like me. People who dropped out of school, served time, the disabled, the ones left behind. What I've noticed is that a lot of the people who fit the description have a depressing view of what a relationship is in this country as they grow older.

Even if we weren't talking about pursuing a relationship, individuals already feel a burden on their shoulders from just being labeled a "failure" under society's gaze.

The perspective of someone pursuing a relationship is still tainted by the strict rubric that came from our childhood. So when you fail, it almost feels like you're not even worthy of finding a partner. If you've dated in Singapore, you understand what I'm talking about. What are you pursuing? How much are you making? High ses or low ses? Renting or staying with parents? Car or no car?

It isn't helped by the current economic state of the world. While our country is pretty fortunate in comparison to others, people are still feeling the heat of the socioeconomic turmoil going on.

So in addition to the inferiority you feel for being the odd one out of a society that's pretty strict, you also feel the pressure of not being able to provide stability during uncertain times in comparison to people your age.

The dating scene in SG almost feels artificial when you have such a perspective. Questions and checks that are less about the emotional compatibility two people might have, but what economic gain you can provide to each other.

It's understandable of course. We still live, so we need money.

So how did some of you get over it, if at all? How did you accept your lot in life, understand where you sit on Singapore's totem pole, and still have enough self respect to allow yourself to just... Find someone to walk with you in life?

 

[Tree]

 

[Dongyi]

There is only one way to overcome an inferiority complex: face it squarely. But a person who allows himself to be lowered into the grave of an inferiority complex will never say, as Lee Kuan Yew did, "If I feel something is wrong, I will get up."

People who suffer from feelings of inferiority often avoid the very thing that makes them feel inadequate. For that reason, they often need a messenger—someone successful, someone who embodies the qualities they lack—to remind them of what is missing and what must be confronted.

The messenger serves as a living example of what they could become if they had the courage to face their weaknesses and overcome them. Yet such a messenger is often resented, even hated, by the very people he seeks to save, as it is written in Luke 4:24: “A prophet is not accepted in his hometown.”​

 

[eatshitndie]

there are always sinkie lau kway bus who are lonely and needy. can eat don’t waste.

 

[WangChuk]

what is there to be inferior about? we have a population of 35% in the same condition .... no big deal.

 

[batman1]

No dignity.Just lie flat. 555

 

[duluxe]

This topic seriously needs @True Believer to appear and show his high talent, writing a longer thesis than master @Dongyi .

 

[True Believer]

This topic seriously needs @True Believer to appear and show his high talent, writing a longer thesis than master @Dongyi .

@duluxe aka delulu, my advice to you is to overcome your inferiority complex by not focusing on improving your negative traits, even if they are 99% of your self. It is deeply challenging, but entirely possible even for the bottom 5% of S'poreans like you. The key is redefining your self-worth by your own standards i.e. ignore societal markers like income or status. Tell yourself that living in a 1-room HDB rental flat with an ex-convict as a roommate is not the worst thing in the world. Sharing a bed with a homosexual rapist is worse.