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https://www.reddit.com/r/sgdatingscene/comments/1u3lqre/is_she_conflicted_or_am_i_reading_into_it_need/
I (23M) was talking to a girl (22F) for around 2.5 months. We talked every day, called often, went on dates, and were moving towards something serious.
A few days ago she ended things because she felt there were incompatibilities. The biggest issue for her was that she felt I was immature at times, and she couldn’t see the kind of stable, mature relationship she wants in the future.
Some things she said were:
She believes early warning signs are important and shouldn’t be ignored.
She feels some of our traits would clash in the long run.
She doesn’t want to be in a situation where I’m constantly trying to prove I can change because she feels that’s unfair to both of us.
She said if she continued despite feeling this way, she’d feel like she was going against herself.
She values her life a lot, has high standards for herself, and wants a partner she can admire, look up to, and grow with.
She said she doesn’t mind being single if she doesn’t find the right person.
She said she felt like she had “let me down twice” and felt bad about hurting me.
At that point, it sounded like her decision was pretty firm.
The confusing part is what happened afterwards.
Instead of ending the conversation, we stayed on call for over 6 hours. It felt like once the actual decision was made, the conversation shifted from discussing why she wanted to end things to discussing how she felt about ending them.
During the call she also said:
She’d be really sad if we stopped talking.
It felt “wasted” because we were emotionally invested.
Deep down a part of her still wanted this.
She almost told me she missed me but stopped herself.
She wondered if her standards were too high.
She wondered if she always does this.
She asked me what a second chance would look like if she gave me one.
She asked what being friends would even mean.
She said we should revisit this topic another day.
At one point she asked why I was still staying on the call. I told her it was probably our last call and I’d miss it.
Later she asked why I never asked her why she was still staying on the call. When I asked, she just said, “I don’t know.”
The next day, after we had already ended things, she checked in on me first and asked if I was alright and told me to get some sleep.
At the same time, she also said things like:
Her conclusion still stands.
She feels like she’s already starting to lose interest.
She doesn’t currently see this as the relationship she wants.
She thinks she’d eventually be okay and move on.
What confuses me is that while her reasoning for ending things sounded quite firm, a lot of her emotions afterwards didn’t seem fully aligned with the decision.
It felt like her head had already decided to end things, but emotionally she was still struggling with letting go.
For people who have been in similar situations:
Does this sound like someone who genuinely ended things but is having difficulty emotionally processing the decision?
Or does it sound like someone who still isn’t fully sure and needs time to sort through their thoughts?
I’m not looking for false hope. I’m genuinely trying to understand the situation objectively because I’m obviously too emotionally involved to see it clearly.
Is she conflicted or am I reading into it? Need advice!
I need advice!I (23M) was talking to a girl (22F) for around 2.5 months. We talked every day, called often, went on dates, and were moving towards something serious.
A few days ago she ended things because she felt there were incompatibilities. The biggest issue for her was that she felt I was immature at times, and she couldn’t see the kind of stable, mature relationship she wants in the future.
Some things she said were:
She believes early warning signs are important and shouldn’t be ignored.
She feels some of our traits would clash in the long run.
She doesn’t want to be in a situation where I’m constantly trying to prove I can change because she feels that’s unfair to both of us.
She said if she continued despite feeling this way, she’d feel like she was going against herself.
She values her life a lot, has high standards for herself, and wants a partner she can admire, look up to, and grow with.
She said she doesn’t mind being single if she doesn’t find the right person.
She said she felt like she had “let me down twice” and felt bad about hurting me.
At that point, it sounded like her decision was pretty firm.
The confusing part is what happened afterwards.
Instead of ending the conversation, we stayed on call for over 6 hours. It felt like once the actual decision was made, the conversation shifted from discussing why she wanted to end things to discussing how she felt about ending them.
During the call she also said:
She’d be really sad if we stopped talking.
It felt “wasted” because we were emotionally invested.
Deep down a part of her still wanted this.
She almost told me she missed me but stopped herself.
She wondered if her standards were too high.
She wondered if she always does this.
She asked me what a second chance would look like if she gave me one.
She asked what being friends would even mean.
She said we should revisit this topic another day.
At one point she asked why I was still staying on the call. I told her it was probably our last call and I’d miss it.
Later she asked why I never asked her why she was still staying on the call. When I asked, she just said, “I don’t know.”
The next day, after we had already ended things, she checked in on me first and asked if I was alright and told me to get some sleep.
At the same time, she also said things like:
Her conclusion still stands.
She feels like she’s already starting to lose interest.
She doesn’t currently see this as the relationship she wants.
She thinks she’d eventually be okay and move on.
What confuses me is that while her reasoning for ending things sounded quite firm, a lot of her emotions afterwards didn’t seem fully aligned with the decision.
It felt like her head had already decided to end things, but emotionally she was still struggling with letting go.
For people who have been in similar situations:
Does this sound like someone who genuinely ended things but is having difficulty emotionally processing the decision?
Or does it sound like someone who still isn’t fully sure and needs time to sort through their thoughts?
I’m not looking for false hope. I’m genuinely trying to understand the situation objectively because I’m obviously too emotionally involved to see it clearly.
