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Stay out of it or tell the wife?
AdviceA few months ago, I found out that my sister-in-law (25) has been seeing/sleeping with a much older man (66). This has been going on for at least four years. She has always dated older men and openly talks about wanting to marry rich, so while the age gap is crazy, I honestly didn’t think much of it at first.
Recently, though, we found out this man has been married for over 37 years and has 3 adult children and grandchildren. SIL has known this the entire time.
From what we’ve seen online, he appears to be a very loving, devoted husband, father, and grandfather. We found his wife on social media and she regularly posts loving things about him and their family. From the outside, they look like a perfect happy couple.
He is very involved and well respected in his community, in local politics, and successful in his business. He seems to have a very polished public image.
My SIL and I aren’t especially close, but she has confided in my husband and me a lot throughout this. She’s genuinely sweet, but also very naive, and it’s obvious she’s developed real feelings for him. I don't think she realizes what she has got herself into.
Once we learned he was married, everyone strongly encouraged her to cut contact. (And yes, let her know that she is a POS for getting involved when she knew he was married).
She claims she has cut it off, but she’s on her mom's cell phone plan and it shows that they are still texting and calling daily.
She has shown us some of their text exchanges, and it’s very clear that protecting his reputation is extremely important to him, but he creepily enjoys the sneaking around/getting away with cheating. This man is wealthy, well connected, and close with influential/powerful people where we live, including attorneys and politicians.
Part of me feels his wife deserves to know the truth and decide for herself what to do with that information. The other part of me feels like this is not my marriage, not my business, and potentially a situation that could seriously backfire on everyone involved. My husband and I are worried about him retaliating. He seems like the type who would come after anyone who messed with him.
Our question is: do we stay the hell out of this completely, or is telling the wife the right thing to do?
This isn't his first time cheating and his wife stayed. She will likely stay this time. So is it even worth hurting her at this point in their marriage?
And if we were to tell the wife anonymously, where is the ethical/legal line when it comes to proof? My mother in law has told us that she has access to the chat logs and has even backed them up on her computer. Would including explicit photos or messages be completely unnecessary or crossing a line? Is that legal?
We don't know what we are going to do yet, but if we decide to... how do we go about informing the wife completely anonymously?
Life is short.
