What makes a woman become a mistress?

[MarrickG]

What makes a woman become a mistress? StarMag speaks to one, as well as a mother and daughter who have to share the man in their lives.

Lena’s story

WE were together for three years. When I first knew M, he wasn’t married. The first time I saw him, I actually went home and told my mother that I had met the man who would be my future husband.

But we remained just friends and always hung out in a group. For a while, we were both caught up with our busy lives and did not see much of each other.

When he looked me up again, he told me he was married. I was shocked! It was an arranged marriage; his wife’s family was very poor and needed his family to bail them out of their debts. A few weeks passed. He propositioned me in a e-mail: “I can be nothing more than a temporary boyfriend to you. Will you be my mistress?”

I was so offended that I did not communicate with him for three months. During that time, a lot went through my mind. My divorce had been finalised, but the wounds from the abusive and faithless marriage were still fresh. My self-esteem was at an all-time low. I tried dating, but at my age, single men were practically extinct. All I was left with were divorced or married men.

How divorced women are perceived

Continuation of Lena's story...

3 strikes against me

I have always been very outspoken. Men didn’t like that. They also have a certain perception of divorced women – that we are easy and loose. Divorced women are fair game; they don’t have feelings and deserve no respect. I have had horrible things said to me, and about me.

So three strikes against me: I am divorced, I think, I speak out. I was angry at life. Surely I deserved better than the cards dealt me? I started to contemplate saying yes to M. It would be a respite from the weary battles going on in my life.

When we saw each other again, I was very frank with him. I told him I was saying yes but I had nothing to offer him physically; I did not know how to please a man. My ex-husband never slept with me; he was abusive. M was shocked!

Women want to be treated with respect

Continuation of Lena's story...

Treat me with respect

For some months after that, M and I didn’t do anything. He didn’t even hold my hand. For once in my life, I knew what it was like to be in a relationship with a man who treated me like a respectable woman.

The first time we had sex, it was funny. We laughed and joked. He was also very gentle with me. From that moment on, I didn’t look back.

When we were together, I was happy. We talked about everyday stuff and enjoyed each other’s company. We saw each other once or twice a week. At that stage his wife was working in Hong Kong.

He adored me, imperfections and all. He was proud of my work. Because of his family background and good looks, he had beautiful young starlets throwing themselves at him. But he only saw me.

One day, I met an American woman living in Malaysia who needed counselling. She told me that her husband was having an affair with the second wife of a Tan Sri and how absolutely heartbroken she was. That struck me like a physical blow – I felt her pain. I told myself I could not do it anymore.

Around the same time, M’s mother handed him a decree: he and his wife had to be a proper family, and not live separately. So his wife returned to the family home.

We broke up six months ago. It was meant to happen.

I don't want to still be a mistress when I’m 60

Continuation of Lena's story...

Heart of stone

Staying with him would be the easy way out. He would take care of me financially for the rest of my life, and I would have the company of a man who loved me and whom I had grown to love.

But I didn’t want to still be a mistress when I’m 60.

Did I feel guilty when I was with him? No. I never thought of his wife or kids. They had no faces and, therefore, could not be hurt.

A mistress needs to have a heart of stone and be very focused. When you’re with him, there are just the two of you. You cannot ask about his world, or yours will come crumbling. You would end up insecure and needy. Yet, you know you will never fully own him.

I think M came into my life for one reason: to let me know there was nothing wrong with me, that I could please a man, that I was a woman. I am not proud of what I did, but I don’t regret it.

* Lena (not her real name) is 40 and a social activist.

 

[Ash007]

Interesting, sounds like she became a mistress because she wanted to have companionship. As simple as that, Women likes to be acknowledged showing a little respect goes a long way I suppose. whahahaha

 

[shOUTloud]

I guess she deserves a break. The first husband must be a gay. No sex in a marriage? Abusive? This is so sad.

However, she does prove her own points about pple saying that divorced women are easy. She was weary and a little bit of attention got her to bed. So divorced women are easy after all. WTF.

 

[Ash007]

Same argument I have especially if they have children, "It means they had sex before!"

I guess she deserves a break. The first husband must be a gay. No sex in a marriage? Abusive? This is so sad.

However, she does prove her own points about pple saying that divorced women are easy. She was weary and a little bit of attention got her to bed. So divorced women are easy after all. WTF.

 

[halsey02]

One word.............SEX!

 

[HellAngel]

Just shower some concern to a lonely women and she will do anything for you. Sadly to say, there are many lonely women in Sinkapore and quite a number are married.

 

[streetsmart73]

One word.............SEX!

hi there


1. bro, bingo!
2. honest, there is nothing else.
3. some gals out there just want to test and try others mah!
4. expect her hubby to be "perfect", no cheat, no drink, no vice, no talking-back, 100% devotion, sheep and listen 100% to her, do housework too!
5. how to sex her up!

 

[Watchman]

When she finds that her current deal is a bad deal ! She is off to find a better deal !

 

[Ash007]

Indeed, girls wants sex nowadays just as much. That is why the price of prostitution has dropped compared to say 100 years ago. There are more free sex out there.

http://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/wellbeing/the-casual-sex-dilemma-20100203-nc2t.html?autostart=1

Back in the '70s, when novelist Erica Jong first coined the term “zipless f---” in her novel Fear of Flying, the public baulked at her daring, candid and crude expression of female sexuality.

“Surely this isn't so?!” her critics shouted, pooh-poohing the “outrageous” behaviour of the book's protagonist Isadora Wing for speaking candidly about her sexual fantasies, engaging in naked encounters with anonymous strangers and not expecting commitment or a follow-up date in return (gasp!).

But Jong stood by her words. After all, she was simply mirroring the male fantasies that had objectified women through literary history. Why shouldn't someone finally dare to turn the tables?

------------------

Ask Sam blog

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The book went on to sell more than 20 million copies worldwide and opened up a new era in sexual history: the beginning of the casual sex generation.

Fast forward to today and the notion of the casual fling is no longer so left field.

While Jong used the word “zipless” to denote the way “zippers fell away like rose petals, underwear blew off in one breath like dandelion fluff”, it seems that today's generation is taking the zipless romp to all new emotionless heights.

Casual sex is taking place everywhere from nightclub bathrooms to anonymous hotel rooms; women are dishing out sexual favours like candy, and many are ending up confused, disillusioned and with an STD in the process.

The sad part is that even nowadays – 50 years after the introduction of the pill - many women still can't help but confuse casual sex with relationships.

Considering that 52 per cent of women are still single (with the current stat more than the number of single females after World War I!), it seems that casual sex is not the solution, but possibly the problem.

Many blame American culture and television shows such as Sex and the City and Californication for glorifying casual sex, but I wasn't so sure. Hence I travelled to the US to discover the real reason behind it all …

I met David Wygant, an infamous Los Angeles-based dating expert who coaches men on how to pick up women without lines, tips or “pick-up artist” tactics.

Wygant told me the story of a New York-based client of his who says that, if he doesn't sleep with a woman on the first date, “it doesn't work out”.

“It's the way men think nowadays because women are increasingly having sex like men,” Wygant explained.

And once the casual encounter has taken place, Wygant says it's almost impossible for a man to look at this woman as a prospective future partner.

“Once you have sex, you can't go back to dating … you can't turn Mr Penis off … A man is not going to sit there across from you in a coffee shop knowing that he has tasted a little of the booty action and actually want to date you.”

So what's the solution? I decided to ask Dr Drew, host of hit TV show Sex Rehab on VH1, who agrees that it's really the women who are to blame.

“[Women] hold the keys to the castle,” he said. “Women should set the standards and the men will co-operate ... you guys can change this.”

My solution? My 30-Day No-Casual Sex Diet. The rules are simple:

- No casual sex for 30 days.

- Sex with the ex counts as breaking the rules (as do booty calls and drunken flings) and too much foreplay almost always leads to the horizontal hanky panky …

For more information on the diet - email Sam Brett at [email protected].

 

[jw5]

Money
Love
Not wanting a commitment (some women are like men)

 

[HellAngel]

No wonder the gigolo clubs in Sinkapore are making huge profits.

 

[BuiKia]

When she need love, money and security?

 

[Watchman]

No wonder the gigolo clubs in Sinkapore are making huge profits.

How many can you name here in Singapore ?