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Help me woo my wife :’)
I need advice!TLDR: I’m trying to reconnect with my wife by dating her again, but she rarely wants to go out and doesn’t seem to know what she enjoys. Looking for ideas on how to bring back connection and excitement in a way that works for both of us.
Late 20s/early 30s couple. Together 3 years, married almost 1. We moved into our own place about 7 months ago. Recently, she shared that she feels bored in the marriage — even questioning whether we married too early, or if we weren't meant to be together. That really hit me.
For context, we did marry earlier than planned due to parental pressure (which I take responsibility for not managing better). After moving in, I think I became complacent. I took on most of the household responsibilities and assumed that was my role, but I neglected the part where I actively nurture the relationship. My idea of marriage was being content doing everything and nothing together. I’m realizing hers might be different — or maybe neither of us fully knew what marriage would feel like. Edit: She’s also facing immense pressure at her new workplace, which could be affecting her emotions.
She’s mentioned missing “freedom” — financially because of the house, and generally in terms of activities and spontaneity, and 'playing'. I’ve never restricted her from going out, but I think part of what she meant by “playing” is having more fun, more novelty, and maybe in others taking initiative in planning things. IDK if it also implies that she wants to see other guys, but I dont think so.
Here’s where I’m stuck:
She works hard during the week and values her weekends for rest. But at the same time, she says she’s bored. She doesn’t really know what she likes. She enjoys matcha and swimming, but doesn’t like public pools because they’re inconvenient. We both like food, so I suggest trying new places, but sometimes they’re “too far.” After a while of not knowing what would work, I stopped trying — and I think that might have made things worse. Lets take it that I'm more open to reconnecting than her, she's more of a status quo and see where it goes in a few years.
Looking back, I think somewhere along the way we drifted into feeling like "roommates", her words instead of partners. I want to change that. I’m willing to put in effort again — planning dates, doing things at home, creating more shared experiences — but I’m struggling to figure out what that looks like in a way that she’ll actually enjoy.
For those who’ve been in a similar phase:
How do you reintroduce fun and connection when one partner feels bored but doesn’t know what they want? How do you “date” someone again when energy levels and interests don’t always align?
I’m open to suggestions.
