Redditer: Anyone else stuck in a long-term “what if” situationship with an old fling, now both married with kids?

[Insouciant]

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Anyone else stuck in a long-term “what if” situationship with an old fling, now both married with kids?​

‍Question‍

Years ago I had a short but very intense fling with a guy. Strong chemistry, hooked up a few times, but it never became official. I ended up dating someone else and he started dating his now-wife.

We lost touch, then reconnected years later and agreed to be “just friends.” That slowly turned into flirty snaps, explicit sexual fantasies, emotional venting, and a lot of “what if we had ended up together” talk. We’ve never had a full physical affair since the original fling, but the emotional/sexual tension has been constant for a long time.

Both of us are now married with young children. I’ve been trying hard to hold strong, delete our chat thread, and focus on my husband and family. I know this is unhealthy and unfair to my marriage, but the pull is still there — especially the nostalgia and the intense validation he gives me that I don’t get at home right now.

Has anyone been in a similar situation — old fling from the past, both married now, strong chemistry that never fully died, and you’re trying to end the secret emotional/sexual situationship? How did you finally break the cycle? Did the “what if” ever stop haunting you? Any advice for actually letting go when the history feels so deep?

 

[tobelightlight]

What the f is "what if" relationship?

Sounds like a sexually deprived vaccinated flaccid.

 

[True Believer]

Marriages become stale over time as both spouses put in less effort to making it work, losing novelty as well as lack of communication. Spouses start feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. Old flames, colleagues and friends may start to spark romantic interest in married individuals.

 

[syed putra]

What the f is "what if" relationship?

Sounds like a sexually deprived vaccinated flaccid.

Yes . She not getting enough at home.

 

[True Believer]

Yes . She not getting enough at home.

Variety is the spice of life after all.

 

[syed putra]

Marriages become stale over time as both spouses put in less effort to making it work, losing novelty as well as lack of communication. Spouses start feeling more like roommates than romantic partners. Old flames, colleagues and friends may start to spark romantic interest in married individuals.

You suggesting she should go ahead and start a affair with old fling?
To. Be fair, a partner exchange should be considered.

 

[True Believer]

You suggesting she should go ahead and start a affair with old fling? To. Be fair, a partner exchange should be considered.

Spouse swopping would be the spark that all 4 parties would benefit from. A fair exchange means that the woman (below) must not be changed with a Ho Jinx lookalike.