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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
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Moot point by both your royal horniness and our mr funny bone jub1919. Even the latter's siggie on procrastination hits (ouch, painful) home. :p
Would like to believe it's 'silent' majority of views now clocking in excess of 39k todate. Especially, I'm favorably biased on bar ditties, even shamelessly pliagarised or spread good cheer to my cronies network.
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Superman Is Indian
Little Johnny's Bitch
The teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"How about you, Johnny?"
"I Wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive club, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari to drive, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel
the world; an Infinite visa card, and make love to her three times a day."
The teacher, not knowing how to handle this bad behaviour, decides to ignore what he said and then continues the lesson:
"And you, Maria?"
"Well Miss," she replies, "I guess I want to be Johnny's bitch."
The teacher asks the kids in class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"How about you, Johnny?"
"I Wanna be a billionaire, go to the most expensive club, take the best bitch, give her a Ferrari to drive, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel
the world; an Infinite visa card, and make love to her three times a day."
The teacher, not knowing how to handle this bad behaviour, decides to ignore what he said and then continues the lesson:
"And you, Maria?"
"Well Miss," she replies, "I guess I want to be Johnny's bitch."
A group of blondes walk into a bar shouting and cheering "Yeah, 31! Let's hear it for 31!" They order a round of drinks, continuing toasting each other and the number 31. After about 15 minutes of this the bartender is starting to get really annoyed. "What's the deal about 31?" he asks the girls. One of them turns to him and says "We bought a puzzle that said 2-4 years and we finished it in 31 DAYS!!!"
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
"May I see the new baby?" I asked. "Not yet" She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first".
Thirty minutes had passed and I asked "May I see the new baby now?" "No, not yet" She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed. I asked again "May I see the baby now?" "No, not yet" replied my friend.
Growing very impatient I asked "Well, when can I see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me. "WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, OKAY?!!"
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing!" the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off".
"Lady" the attendant said "Indians don't use saddles..."
With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit.
"May I see the new baby?" I asked. "Not yet" She said "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first".
Thirty minutes had passed and I asked "May I see the new baby now?" "No, not yet" She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed. I asked again "May I see the baby now?" "No, not yet" replied my friend.
Growing very impatient I asked "Well, when can I see the baby?" "WHEN HE CRIES!" she told me. "WHEN HE CRIES?" I demanded. "Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, OKAY?!!"
A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.
She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.
"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing!" the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off".
"Lady" the attendant said "Indians don't use saddles..."
Motivation Posters
You really meant gravity defying titties
I think these GIFs deserve a good laugh. Dr. Koh, the arsehole expert waving to non-existent voters.
LOOK! So many trees and empty blocks waving and cheering us.
LOOK! So many trees and empty blocks waving and cheering us.
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Do you the shirt? I like it so so much.
This beats the water cooler idle chat anytime:p Other bloke peng san, and guy left standing high and dry. Could be anyone of us contributors here.Do you the shirt? I like it so so much.
2012 Joke of the Year: Depressed?
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, U.S. government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, The Economy, The Wars, Lost Jobs, Savings, Social Security, Retirement Funds, ....
I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... Folks, we're so doomed!
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel , "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."
Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said, "Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel, this is the Promised Land."
Today, U.S. government has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!
I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans, The Economy, The Wars, Lost Jobs, Savings, Social Security, Retirement Funds, ....
I called a Suicide Hotline. I had to press 1 for English.
I was connected to a call center in Pakistan . I told them I was suicidal.
They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck...... Folks, we're so doomed!
Horrible images of deformed bodies - (Warning graphic content and may cause discomfort to viewer....view at your own discretion!!!)
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test your patience
Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety..(wait for it. It's worth it)... After Tweety is caught, scroll down...
This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec- 1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Jessica Simpson
5 min -1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs bunny until he finishes his carrot...
Watch this until Sylvester catches Tweety..(wait for it. It's worth it)... After Tweety is caught, scroll down...
This was an idiot test. How long did you watch?
0-2 seconds - there's hope for you
2-5 seconds - having a bad day?
5-10 seconds - are you maybe just a slow reader?
10-20 seconds - remedial classes are nothing to be ashamed of
20-30 seconds - it is recommended that you don't breed.
30 sec- 1 min - you probably can't read this anyway. So why bother?
1-2 min - the equivalent of the average house plant
2-5 min - Good afternoon Jessica Simpson
5 min -1 hr - Dead people score in this range
1hr plus - congratulations. You have a negative IQ. To find out what your prize is, watch bugs bunny until he finishes his carrot...
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Two Teenage boys were picked up for doing drugs. When they went to court the judge said that he would like to give them a second chance if they could work in the community and convince young people not to do drugs they would avoid jail time. The two boys went to the community and did their work and returned to court the following month.
The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.
The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?"
The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison."
The judge asked the first boy how he did and he told the judge that he convinced 30 people not to do drugs.
The judge said, "That was great how did you do that?"
The Boy told him, "I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o and told them this (the big circle) is your brain before drugs and this (small circle) is your brain after drugs."
"That's admirable," said the judge. "And you, how did you do?" (to the 2nd boy)
"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."
"156 people! That's amazing! How did you manage to do that!"
"Well, I used the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and told them, 'This is your asshole before prison."
Places I have been.....
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.
I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.
I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.
I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.
I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.
I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.
Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.
One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!
I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what country I was in. It's an age thing.
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