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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
Lots more but there seems to be some bugs in photobucket which makes it difficult to copy the link. On top of that when I tried to edit a double post (that skater) the dialogue box pop up blank and I can't change it to another gif file. Looks like this is going to take me a long time.
Use Tinypics is free and easier bro or Imgur.
Nobody Is Like Brian
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the taxi-driver said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"
Taxi-driver: "Brian . He's a guy with perfect timing. Like my coming along when you needed a taxi, things happen like that to Brian , every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Taxi-driver: "Not Brian . He was a terrific athlete. He could golf with the pros. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a tv star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing bloke."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Taxi-driver: "Yeah, he had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian , he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some bloke then."
Taxi-driver: "You're not kidding. He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian ..."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Taxi-driver: "Well, I never actually met Brian, he died. I married his fucking widow."
A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the taxi-driver said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"
Passenger: "Who?"
Taxi-driver: "Brian . He's a guy with perfect timing. Like my coming along when you needed a taxi, things happen like that to Brian , every single time."
Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody."
Taxi-driver: "Not Brian . He was a terrific athlete. He could golf with the pros. He could have won the Grand Slam at tennis. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a tv star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing bloke."
Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special."
Taxi-driver: "Yeah, he had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Brian , he could do everything right."
Passenger: "Wow. Some bloke then."
Taxi-driver: "You're not kidding. He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Brian, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Brian ..."
Passenger: "An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?"
Taxi-driver: "Well, I never actually met Brian, he died. I married his fucking widow."
Last edited:
Try it.
Ballerina
A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and
raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. She has very hairy armpits.
The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina
a drink."
She gets her drink and goes away.
Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and
yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink."
She gets her drink and goes away again.
The bartender asks the drunk how he knows she is a ballerina when
she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before.
The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her
leg that high."
A couple is driving through the back roads in the mountains. It is winter, it is cold, and it is snowing. Suddenly, a skunk runs out across the road in front of the car. The husband swerves the car, bouncing the skunk off of one of the tires. The skunk skids off the road into the bushes.
The wife goes crazy - "Honey! Honey! You hit the little skunk! Honey! You gotta stop and see if he's okay!"
The husband, none too happy, but quite familiar with the consequences of NOT doing what the wife asks, pulls over to the side of the road, and gets out to go check on the little skunk. He finds the skunk in the bushes, stunned but none the worse for wear.
He tells his wife, "He's just stunned, he'll be fine in a little
while."
The wife, getting a bit huffy at this point, whines, "Honeeeey, it's soooo coooold out there, he'll freeze!"
The husband, "So whadda you want me to do about it?"
The wife whines more demandingly, "Honeeeeyyy! Pick him up and we
can take him to the vet in the next town!"
So, the husband goes and picks up the skunk, brings it over, and
lays it in his wife's lap. He gets in the car and starts driving. After a few minutes, the husband notices that the skunk is laying there shivvering from the cold, and tells his wife, "Honey, if you don't keep him warm, that little guy is gonna freeze before we get to the next town!"
The wife, noticing it, asks, "What do you want me to do?"
The husband says, "Well, pull your skirt up and put the skunk between your legs, and pull your dress up around him like a little blanket. That will keep him a lot warmer."
Shocked at such a suggestion, the wife snaps back, "Dammit honey,
that thing STINKS!"
The husband turns and says, "That's all right, just reach down and hold his little nose then..."
A drunk was sitting at a bar when a woman stands behind him and
raises her arm really high to get the bartender's attention. She has very hairy armpits.
The drunk sees this and yells at the bartender, "Get the ballerina
a drink."
She gets her drink and goes away.
Later she returns and raises her arm again. The drunk sees her and
yells to the bartender, "Get the ballerina another drink."
She gets her drink and goes away again.
The bartender asks the drunk how he knows she is a ballerina when
she was a stranger and had never been in the bar before.
The drunk replies, "She's got to be a ballerina if she can lift her
leg that high."
A couple is driving through the back roads in the mountains. It is winter, it is cold, and it is snowing. Suddenly, a skunk runs out across the road in front of the car. The husband swerves the car, bouncing the skunk off of one of the tires. The skunk skids off the road into the bushes.
The wife goes crazy - "Honey! Honey! You hit the little skunk! Honey! You gotta stop and see if he's okay!"
The husband, none too happy, but quite familiar with the consequences of NOT doing what the wife asks, pulls over to the side of the road, and gets out to go check on the little skunk. He finds the skunk in the bushes, stunned but none the worse for wear.
He tells his wife, "He's just stunned, he'll be fine in a little
while."
The wife, getting a bit huffy at this point, whines, "Honeeeey, it's soooo coooold out there, he'll freeze!"
The husband, "So whadda you want me to do about it?"
The wife whines more demandingly, "Honeeeeyyy! Pick him up and we
can take him to the vet in the next town!"
So, the husband goes and picks up the skunk, brings it over, and
lays it in his wife's lap. He gets in the car and starts driving. After a few minutes, the husband notices that the skunk is laying there shivvering from the cold, and tells his wife, "Honey, if you don't keep him warm, that little guy is gonna freeze before we get to the next town!"
The wife, noticing it, asks, "What do you want me to do?"
The husband says, "Well, pull your skirt up and put the skunk between your legs, and pull your dress up around him like a little blanket. That will keep him a lot warmer."
Shocked at such a suggestion, the wife snaps back, "Dammit honey,
that thing STINKS!"
The husband turns and says, "That's all right, just reach down and hold his little nose then..."
After a bad day on the course, a golfer goes to an old golf pro for some advice
The old golf pro watches a few swings and the golfer says, "Well, what should I do?"
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The golfer went back out to the links. He took the old man's advice on his first swing and POW, he hits the ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the afternoon, the golfer is crushing tee drives right down the center.
The ecstatic man goes back home and tells his wife all about the new technique he learned. Now the wife, being an avid golfer, want's to talk to the old golf pro, as well.
The next day, the wife also asks the old golf pro for advice. The old golf pro watched her swing and says, "No, no, no. You're gripping the club way too hard".
"What should I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood", said the old pro.
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing and THUMP... The ball skipped off of the tee box and rolled about 15 feet down the fairway.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected!" the old pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands."
I'M SMELLY DOWN THERE, DOC
A woman visits her physician. After waiting for awhile it's finally her turn. She enters the doctors' office and sits down. The doctor asks her, "Well, what can I do for you madam?" The patient blushes and the doctor sees that appearantly she is embarrased so he says, "You can discuss any matter with me, everything is strictly confidential."
So the patient says, "My husband complains that my p***y smells bad, is there a cure for this?"
"Sure," the doctor says, "It can be a fungus, or a little infection, nothing unusual. Please undress and lay down, so I can examine you and prescribe a treatment."
The woman undresses, gets up the bed and with her legs spread waits until the doctor attends her. He comes in, walks towards her, starts gasping for air, covers his mouth and nose with a hand, and runs out of the office. After a minute or so, he enters again, covering his mouth and nose with one hand an a 7 feet wooden stick with an iron hook on it in the other hand.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, what will you do to me?" shouts the patient.
"Nothing," says the doctor, "I'm just going to open the roof window a little."
boy at nude beach
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!'
The old golf pro watches a few swings and the golfer says, "Well, what should I do?"
"Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast."
The golfer went back out to the links. He took the old man's advice on his first swing and POW, he hits the ball 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the afternoon, the golfer is crushing tee drives right down the center.
The ecstatic man goes back home and tells his wife all about the new technique he learned. Now the wife, being an avid golfer, want's to talk to the old golf pro, as well.
The next day, the wife also asks the old golf pro for advice. The old golf pro watched her swing and says, "No, no, no. You're gripping the club way too hard".
"What should I do?" asked the wife. "Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's manhood", said the old pro.
The wife listened carefully to the pro's advice, took a swing and THUMP... The ball skipped off of the tee box and rolled about 15 feet down the fairway.
"You know, that was a lot better than I expected!" the old pro said. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and hold it in your hands."
I'M SMELLY DOWN THERE, DOC
A woman visits her physician. After waiting for awhile it's finally her turn. She enters the doctors' office and sits down. The doctor asks her, "Well, what can I do for you madam?" The patient blushes and the doctor sees that appearantly she is embarrased so he says, "You can discuss any matter with me, everything is strictly confidential."
So the patient says, "My husband complains that my p***y smells bad, is there a cure for this?"
"Sure," the doctor says, "It can be a fungus, or a little infection, nothing unusual. Please undress and lay down, so I can examine you and prescribe a treatment."
The woman undresses, gets up the bed and with her legs spread waits until the doctor attends her. He comes in, walks towards her, starts gasping for air, covers his mouth and nose with a hand, and runs out of the office. After a minute or so, he enters again, covering his mouth and nose with one hand an a 7 feet wooden stick with an iron hook on it in the other hand.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh, what will you do to me?" shouts the patient.
"Nothing," says the doctor, "I'm just going to open the roof window a little."
boy at nude beach
A mother and father take their 6-year old son to a nude beach.
As the boy walks along the sand, he notices that many of the women have boobs bigger than his mother's, so he goes back to ask her why. She tells her son, 'The bigger they are, the sillier the lady is.'
The boy, pleased with the answer, goes to play in the ocean but returns to tell his mother that many of the men have larger things than his dad does. She replies, 'The bigger they are, the dumber the man is again satisfied with her answer, the boy goes back to the ocean to play.
Shortly thereafter, the boy returns and promptly tells his mother, 'Daddy is talking to the silliest lady on the beach, and the longer he talks, the dumber he gets!'
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