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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

joeyboey

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
Can you tell the difference ?

Fill in the blank with either 'Yes' or 'No'.

"Oh ___, I am a pig"

So how? If u cannot answer, send this to another pig
 

joeyboey

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
My wife asked me, "How many women have you slept with?"

I proudly replied, "Only you, Darling. With all the others I was awake."

Hospital Visiting Hours are 10 AM to 8 PM !!
 

sirus

Alfrescian (Inf)
Asset
Some facts we didn't know

Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!

Gold is the only metal that doesn't rust, even if it's buried in the ground for thousands of years.

Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.

If you stop getting thirsty, you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.

Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.

Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.

The song, Auld Lang Syne, is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.

Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent.

Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn't smoke unless it's heated above 450F.

The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.

Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean.

The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.

Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.

The University of Alaska spans four time zones.

The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.

In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.

Warner Communications paid $28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday.

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

A comet's tail always points away from the sun.

The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.

Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.

The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity.

If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.

When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.

In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.

Strawberries are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.

Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.

The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.

The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.

Due to earth's gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.

Mickey Mouse is known as "Topolino" in Italy .

Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.

Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.

For every extra kilogram carried on a space flight, 530 kg of excess fuel are needed at lift-off.

The letter J does not appear anywhere on the periodic table of the elements.
 

hornylee

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"
 

cheesecake

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Since there is a thread on breast feeding, I guess this one is funny enough....

Paddy is walking down the Blackpool prom one day and he sees a mother breast feeding her baby boy. Paddy stops to speak to the mother.

"That's what I like to see natural breast-feeding, I was raised on that" .

The young mother tells Paddy to clear off.

Paddy continues, "No seriously I was raised on the stuff, look at me, tall, lots of muscles, and really fit, looking at the baby breast feeding takes me back to my childhood", he pauses...., "can I try breast feeding on the other breast".

The young mother says again, "Get away with you Paddy". Paddy says convincingly "You've got plenty of breast milk for baby, and he doesn't need the other breast".

The young mother looks and Paddy and thinks, well he is good looking, fit and lots of muscle, "Come over here Paddy and you can get on the other breast". Paddy being sucking on the other breast, after five minutes the young woman has become more relaxed and is starting to get aroused ,panting slightly, she lies back and whispers to Paddy "Paddy ..... is there anything else you want ?"

Paddy asks "err....have you got any Farleys Rusks"
 

cheesecake

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Pete, aged 9 years: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.

Roger, his father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere!

So true!:biggrin:
 

cheesecake

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Heard this one, possibly already posted.:biggrin:

General Musharraf, Dr Mahathir, Gloria Arroyo and Lee Kuan Yew were sitting in a train. The train went through a tunnel and there was complete darkness for the next 8 seconds.

Suddenly there was a loud kissing sound and then a slap! The train came out of the tunnel.

Arroyo and Musharraf were seated across each other, both looking perplexed. Mahathir, seated across LKY, was bent over holding his face, which was very red from an apparent big slap.

All of them remained diplomatic and nobody said anything.

Musharraf was thinking : "These Malaysians are all crazy for Arroyo. Mahathir must have tried to kiss her in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him !"

Arroyo was thinking : "Mahathir must have moved to kiss me,but kissed Musharraf instead and got slapped."

Mahathir was thinking : "Damn it, Musharraf must have tried to kiss Arroyo; she thought it was me and slapped me instead. Shit !!"

Lee Kuan Yew was thinking : "If this train goes through one more tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap Mahathir again !!"
 

cheesecake

Alfrescian (InfP)
Generous Asset
Mrs. Philbert is teaching her class about multiple-syllable words. Little Johnny is in the back of the classroom, bored as usual.

"Now words like bike, cheese and shoe only have one syllable. Does anyone have an example of a word with 2 or more syllables?"

Little Johnny raises a hand and is called on. He stands up and says "Autoeroticism."

That's a word with more than one syllable." Impressed, the teacher repeats the word, "Autoeroticism! Wow Johnny! That's a mouthful!"

Johnny rises quickly from his chair and says, "No. Autoeroticism is masturbating. What you're thinking of is a blowjob!"
 
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