Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

yinyang · Nov 16, 2013

A mistress in Afghanistan

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TRANSLATION

HE : God likes us, Rabia.darling!... Allahu Akbar..!

SHE: Abdullah my forever love.....God loves us.....my husband just walked by...the prick did
not even recognize me !!

hornylee · Nov 17, 2013

ixty is the worst age to be," said the 60-year-old man. "You always feel like you have to pee, and most of the time you stand there and nothing comes out."

"Ah, that's nothin," said the 70-year-old. "When you're seventy, you don't have bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on the toilet all day and nothin' comes out!"

"Actually," said the 80-year -old, "Eighty is the worst age of all."

"Do you have trouble peeing, too?" asked the 60-year old.

"No, I pee every morning at 6:00. I pee like a racehorse on a flat rock -- no problem at all."

"So, do you have a problem with your bowel movement?"

"No, I have one every morning at 6:30."

Exasperated, the 60-year-old said, "You pee every morning at 6:00 and crap every morning at 6:30. So what's so bad about being 80?"

"I don't wake up until 7:00."

yinyang · Nov 17, 2013

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bakkuttay · Nov 17, 2013

question: what can you find inside kopiunca's clean nose.

answer:: kopiunca's fingerprints

yinyang · Nov 17, 2013

Of rubbers and nurse?

There was Nurse years back from Norway who was sent by Norwegian Red Cross to try and teach the locals in Africa about prevention.

Shy as she was, she broke the branch off a tree and a placed a condom on what was left of the protruding branch whilst trying to explain that this being in principle was how it should be used ...

6 months later, Red Cross returned to access the value of her teachings ; - only to find there was not a tree left that had branches broken off, and not a woman who was not pregnant.

sirus · Nov 18, 2013

Distasteful humor. Here are some examples:

A woman in labor is screaming profanity at her husband from her hospital bed.
He says, “Hey, don’t blame me! I wanted to stick it in your ass but NO, you said that might hurt!”

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted.
I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic.
I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn’t thank me enough!
But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes fucking nuts!!!
Women, I can’t figure them out!.

A mother in law said to her son’s wife when their baby was born:
“I don’t mean to be rude but he doesn’t look anything like my son.”
The daughter-in-law lifted her skirt and said: “I don’t mean to be rude either, but this is a pussy
…not a fucking photo-copier.”

Little kid catches his mom and dad having sex. He says, “What are you doing?”

His father says, “We are making you a little brother.”

The boy answers, “Why don’t you do it doggy style, and make me a puppy!”

“I’m fed up with the excuses women come up with to avoid having sex, like; “I’m tired, I’m washing my hair, I’ve got a headache, I’m your sister…”

Dear Dr Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor’s wife sunbathing topless from my bedroom window.
As I was jerking off I turned to notice my wife was just standing there, arms folded…watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

yinyang · Nov 18, 2013

Re: Getting old??

Paddy, who was on holiday from Ireland on Bondi beach couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls.
So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice. Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing
them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer.

They're years outta style. You're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small
and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate...you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Paddy hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized
potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away,
and laughing, looking sick !

So Paddy went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now ?

' JAHEESUS!' said the lifeguard, 'Maaaaate. ...........The potato goes in the front!'

yinyang · Nov 19, 2013

Interview?

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yinyang · Nov 19, 2013

We are all getting on ..in age :p

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yinyang · Nov 19, 2013

more on getting old..

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whoami · Nov 20, 2013

Jah_rastafar aka Jah Jamban...

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whoami said:
U r very thoughtful 63boy. But i am afraid not all ur kind will share the same thoughts as u. Especially ppl like Jah Jamban.

Jah_rastafar_I said:
You brought up my nick when laksa was talking about the wording out of the blue

ROFL.....LOL LOL..... :biggrin:

sirus · Nov 20, 2013

Re: Jah_rastafar aka Jah Jamban...

The Irish Diet. An Excellent Weight Loss Idea

An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet.

'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, then eat regularly again for 2 days then skip a day ... And repeat this procedure for 2 weeks.
The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.'

When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 60 lbs!

'That's amazing!' the doctor said, 'Did you follow my instructions?'

The Irishman nodded: 'I'll tell you what though, I taut I were going to drop dead on dat tird day.'

'You mean from the hunger?' asked the doctor.

'No, from the skippin!'

yinyang · Nov 21, 2013

THEY WALK AMONG US !

> Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.
> To get rid of his old fridge (still working), he put it in his front yard and hung a SIGN ON IT saying :
> ' Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'
> For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.
> He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.
>
> SO HE CHANGED THE SIGN TO READ : ' FRIDGE FOR SALE $ 50. '
> The next day someone stole it!
>
> They walk amongst us !
> ------------------------------
>
> One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted.....
> " Look at that dead bird ! "
> Someone looked up at the sky and said..." Where ? "
>
> THEY WALK AMONG US !
-----------------------------------
>
> While looking at a house, my brother asked the estate agent which direction was north because
> he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.
> She asked, ' Does the sun rise in the north ? '
>
> MY BROTHER EXPLAINED THAT THE SUN RISES IN THE EAST AND HAS FOR SOME TIME.
>
> She shook her head and said, ' Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff. '

> They Walk Among Us !
> ------------------------------
>
> My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard an admin girl talking about the
> sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.
> She drove down in a convertible, but said she " didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving."
>
> They Walk Among Us !
> -----------------------------
>
> WHILE WORKING AT A PIZZA PARLOR I OBSERVED A MAN ORDERING A SMALL PIZZA TO GO.
>
> HE APPEARED TO BE ALONE AND THE COOK ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD LIKE IT CUT INTO 4 PIECES OR 6.
>
> He thought about it for some time then said " Just cut it into 4 pieces ; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."
>
> THEY WALK AMONG US !
> AND LAST, BUT NOT LEAST….. / Dumb as a box of Rocks - TRUE STORY… :
>
> A NOTED PSYCHIATRIST WAS A GUEST SPEAKER AT AN ACADEMIC FUNCTION WHERE A WOMAN HAPPENED TO APPEAR.
>
> The woman took the opportunity to schmooze the good doctor a bit and > asked him a question with which he was most at ease.
> 'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a > mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'
> 'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble.
If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track.'

> ' What sort of question? ' asked the woman.
> Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one ? ''
> The woman thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, ' You wouldn't happen to have another example would you ?
I must confess I don't know much about history.'

> They Walk Among Us!
> ------------------------------------
>
> I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.
> The woman there smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and said I was in good hands.
>
> ' NOW,' SHE ASKED ME, ' HAS YOUR PLANE ARRIVED YET?' (I WORK WITH PROFESSIONALS LIKE THIS.)
>
> … Dumb as a box of Rocks

>
> SADLY, THEY WALK AMONG US ! AND, MORE SADLY, HOLD HIGH OFFICES !!!
> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID……..

yinyang · Nov 21, 2013

Blow up doll?

Blow up doll?

Guy goes in an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll.

Guy behind the counter says, 'Male or female?' Customer says, 'Female.'

Counter guy asks, 'Black or white?

Customer says, 'White.'

Counter guy asks, 'Christian or Muslim?'

Customer says, 'What the hell does religion have to do with it?'

Counter guy says, 'The Muslim one blows itself up.'

yinyang · Nov 22, 2013

Let's Piss Off Everyone

1) I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days.' I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

2) A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.

3) I walked past a black kid sitting at a bus stop as I went into the bank. When I came out, he looked at me and said 'Any Change?' I said, 'Nope, you're still black'.

4) Snow in the forecast and the TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight. I thought to myself, 'fat chance', with a face like that!

5) A 10-year old Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road. A man passing by asks 'What's wrong, lad?' The boy says 'Me ma died this morning.' 'Oh bejaysus,' The man says. 'Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?' The boy replies, 'No tanks mister, sex is the last ting on my mind at the moment.'

6) Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away. But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works best!

7) Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such a fantastic shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth closed.

8) I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to yourself. I'm going to take that.'

9) Man in a hot air balloon is lost over Iowa . He looks down and sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him, where am I? The farmer looks back up and shouts back. You're in a basket you dumb shit!

10) I had a big lead in a trivia competition at a local bar until the last question which I got wrong. The question was where do women have the curliest hair? Appears Fiji was the correct answer.

11) I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

yinyang · Nov 22, 2013

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sirus · Nov 22, 2013

She is the Secretary

erection2015 · Nov 23, 2013

This morning I was beaten up by a woman.

I was in an elevator, at the time, when this busty woman got in.

I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press 1..?
So I did.

I don't remember much after that !!!.

yinyang · Nov 23, 2013

erection2011 said:
Staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press 1..?
So I did. ...don't remember much after that !!!.

Lucky you, what if she had asked you to press "2" instead? Your family jewels would have got a big wallop!

bakkuttay · Nov 23, 2013

iluvsinpapoo went to a dr kopisai for an operation because her vagina lips is getting too big.

not wanting anyone to know, iluvsinpapoo asked the dr kopisai to keep it a secret.

after the operation, she saw a rose across her vagina.

iluvsinpapoo chided the dr kopisai for not making the operation a secret.

dr kopisai said, "not to worry dear, the man from the adjacent operation room
just want to thank you for his new pair of ears".

Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine

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