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Not blue pill.. but laughter's best medicine
- Thread starter yinyang
- Start date
erection2015
Alfrescian (InfP) + C
ETIQUETTE FOLLOWED
The story goes that US President Coolidge once invited some hometown friends to dinner at the White House.
Worried about their manners, they decided to do everything just as he did.
At the end of the meal when coffee was served, the President poured his coffee into a saucer, so the guests followed suit. Next he added cream and sugar. They did too. Then Coolidge leaned over, placed the saucer on the floor and called the cat. Arthur Tonne
WORK ON THE SABBATH
A businessman was on his way to the golf club one Sunday morning when he noticed a farmer whom he knew, ploughing in the field.
"Say, Henry," he shouted, "Don't you know that the Almighty made the world in six days and he rested on the seventh?"
"I know all about that," shouted the farmer, "But he got done, and I didn't."
THE PERFECT SQUELCH
Small town Irishman Pat met a well dressed gentleman walking his dog.
As the dog made one of his frequent stops, Pat stopped and in a friendly way asked:
"What breed of dog is that sir?"
To belittle Pat, the dog owner wise-cracked: "He's part Irish and part monkey."
To which Pat lit up and answered: "Well what do you know! He's related to both of us."
The story goes that US President Coolidge once invited some hometown friends to dinner at the White House.
Worried about their manners, they decided to do everything just as he did.
At the end of the meal when coffee was served, the President poured his coffee into a saucer, so the guests followed suit. Next he added cream and sugar. They did too. Then Coolidge leaned over, placed the saucer on the floor and called the cat. Arthur Tonne
WORK ON THE SABBATH
A businessman was on his way to the golf club one Sunday morning when he noticed a farmer whom he knew, ploughing in the field.
"Say, Henry," he shouted, "Don't you know that the Almighty made the world in six days and he rested on the seventh?"
"I know all about that," shouted the farmer, "But he got done, and I didn't."
THE PERFECT SQUELCH
Small town Irishman Pat met a well dressed gentleman walking his dog.
As the dog made one of his frequent stops, Pat stopped and in a friendly way asked:
"What breed of dog is that sir?"
To belittle Pat, the dog owner wise-cracked: "He's part Irish and part monkey."
To which Pat lit up and answered: "Well what do you know! He's related to both of us."
Last edited:
Brit humour? :p
One of the best to come along and it's not even political!
As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons;
All seems to be going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen politely turns to President Obama:
"Mr President, please, accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded:
"Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
Moral of the story: "Silence is Golden"
One of the best to come along and it's not even political!
As Air Force One arrives at the Heathrow Airport, President Obama strides to a warm and dignified reception from the Queen.
They are driven in a 1934 Bentley to the edge of central London, where they change to a magnificent 17th century carriage hitched to six white horses. They continue on towards the Buckingham Palace, waving to the thousands of cheering Britons;
All seems to be going well.
Suddenly, the right rear horse lets out the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. The smell is so atrocious that both the passengers in the carriage, must use handkerchiefs over their noses. The fart shakes the coach, but, the two dignitaries of State do their best to ignore the incident.
The Queen politely turns to President Obama:
"Mr President, please, accept my regrets... I am sure you understand there are some things that even a Queen cannot control."
Obama, always trying to be "Presidential," responded:
"Your Majesty, do not give the matter another thought... Until you mentioned it, I thought it was one of the horses."
Moral of the story: "Silence is Golden"
NECROPHILIA?
A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA
(sex with a corpse).
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a
disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw
away the jail keys?"
The man replied,
"I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. She was my WIFE!
2. I didn't KNOW she was DEAD! and
3. She ALWAYS acted that WAY!"
Judge released him from sentence and advised everyone at the Court Room:
"SO LADIES, TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE SESSION!
And GUYS, IF THERE IS NO MOVEMENT, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS DEAD OR ALIVE !"
A man was brought before the judge and charged with NECROPHILIA
(sex with a corpse).
The judge told him, "In 20 years on the bench, I've never heard such a
disgusting, immoral thing. Just give me one good reason why I shouldn't lock you up and throw
away the jail keys?"
The man replied,
"I'll give you THREE good reasons:
1. She was my WIFE!
2. I didn't KNOW she was DEAD! and
3. She ALWAYS acted that WAY!"
Judge released him from sentence and advised everyone at the Court Room:
"SO LADIES, TRY TO MOVE A LITTLE DURING THE SESSION!
And GUYS, IF THERE IS NO MOVEMENT, STOP IMMEDIATELY AND CHECK IF SHE IS DEAD OR ALIVE !"
I have a little GPS
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damn thing off.
I've had it all my life
It's better than the normal ones
My GPS is my wife
It gives me full instructions
Especially how to drive
"It's thirty miles an hour", it says
"You're doing thirty five"
It tells me when to stop and start
And when to use the brake
And tells me that it's never ever
Safe to overtake
It tells me when a light is red
And when it goes to green
It seems to know instinctively
Just when to intervene
It lists the vehicles just in front
And all those to the rear
And taking this into account
It specifies my gear.
I'm sure no other driver
Has so helpful a device
For when we leave and lock the car
It still gives its advice
It fills me up with counseling
Each journey's pretty fraught
So why don't I exchange it
And get a quieter sort?
Ah well, you see, it cleans the house,
Makes sure I'm properly fed,
It washes all my shirts and things
And - keeps me warm in bed!
Despite all these advantages
And my tendency to scoff,
I do wish that once in a while
I could turn the damn thing off.
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the mans leg. As the dog finished the man reached into his coat pocket
and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed.
The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
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and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events happening and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed.
The blind man replied "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fuckin' ass."
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Re: More famous (and dead) artists
The 4 letter ‘F’ word is the ONLY word in the English Language that accurately describes some situations
There are times when the 4-letter ‘F’ word is not only desirable, as, quite frankly, it can be the ONLY word in the English Language that accurately describes some situations.
Check out the following examples:
Courtesy of erection forummer
The 4 letter ‘F’ word is the ONLY word in the English Language that accurately describes some situations
There are times when the 4-letter ‘F’ word is not only desirable, as, quite frankly, it can be the ONLY word in the English Language that accurately describes some situations.
Check out the following examples:
Courtesy of erection forummer
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