Jan 31 2024
Weary Of Loneliness But Petrified of Losing Independence
Each lunar new year means one year closer to four decades of my forlorn existence, on this planet earth.
Perhaps if I were just like any garden variety type of women, I would now be a faithful wife, and mother of a few kids.
I went for my gynae appointment in the morning. He's my preferred doctor, for my pudenda and pre-natal chamber. He's a suave and tall, a gentleman who delivers his "verdict" without preposterous advice.
After burrowing around my chamber like an archeologist looking for fossils, he said to me "It looks gorgeous in there", while placing some specimen that he had gouged out, into a test tube.
At home now, in the dead of the night, all alone, reflecting on his advice, and writing this piece.
I am feeling hopeful, despite previously "assassinating" one of my beau's potential offspring, and blighting my womb.
Prestante is most probably a married man. Hence, it will be highly unlikely, that he will be the man, who would saunter forward with me, in this earthly journey.
In his Marunouchi apartment, there was a displayed photo frame in the hall's TV console.
A nihonjin looking plus sized lady, next to him, in a mammoth evening gown, grinning like a Cheshire cat, and in matrimonial harmony. His marital evidence is as plain as the nose on my face. That probably explained why he hadn't "really" contacted me since our rendezvoused night of quintessential consummation in Tokyo.
When I was a young lady, I was often in fear, that I could be pregnant after sesso. I would be in heebie-jeebies mode when my menses were late, because some of my ex-es, swore by their kungfu styled withdrawal ∼ coitus interruptus ∼ modus operandi.
After my abortion experience (which I had penned in an earlier piece, in this thread, about two years ago), the fears of pregnancy no longer haunt me.
I ain't sure why I have developed such an intrepidity. Perhaps, deep inside me, I desire that the Almighty Lord gives me another opportunity, to make a better and prudent decision.
In the dead of the night, and all alone like now, the thought of motherhood is often appealing to my heart. However, by the next morning, the fear of losing my independence would overwhelm all these idealistic maternal thoughts.
Good night.
Anyway, sounds like you got the hots for your gynaecologist/archeologist/paleontologist!
