Married to a vietbu

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Vietnam woman, 31, considers divorcing S’porean husband after he stayed silent as mother-in-law scolded her​

She was worried about what would happen to her 3-year-old child.

A 31-year-old Vietnamese woman living in Singapore said she has considered divorcing her Singaporean husband many times, but fears doing so could affect her ability to remain with her three-year-old child.

The woman said she had lived in Singapore with her husband for nearly four years, but felt hesitant about ending the marriage because she was worried about “losing [her] child and facing an uncertain future in a foreign country”, according to a first-person account published by VnExpress.

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Tensions worsened after childbirth​

According to the woman, she moved to Singapore to live with her husband’s family after their wedding.

At the time, she said she did not have a steady job and her residency paperwork was still being processed, leaving her largely financially dependent on her husband.

As she could not work immediately, she decided to have a child and take care of the baby herself.

The woman said problems became more serious during her pregnancy and after she gave birth.

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As hiring a caregiver in Singapore was expensive, she asked her mother to come from Vietnam to help care for her and the baby for a period of time.

However, tensions arose between the two families.

The woman said her mother was used to buying fresh food daily, and would often ask her husband on weekends to drive her to a market that was not near their home.

This apparently upset her mother-in-law, who felt that the woman’s mother was inconveniencing her son.

According to the woman, tensions eventually peaked when both families argued in the house.

She said the comment that shocked her most was when her mother-in-law said:

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“Your mother is your responsibility. Don’t make my son run around for her.”

Husband’s silence made her feel alone​

What disappointed the woman most, she said, was her husband’s response during the argument.

She said he did not shout at her or defend his mother, but remained almost completely silent.

The woman said his silence made her feel alone in an already unfamiliar place.

After the incident, the distance between the couple grew.

While they continued to live together, raise their child and share household expenses, the woman said they rarely talked about their feelings anymore.

Feared being separated from child​

The woman said she had thought about divorce many times, but hesitated whenever she looked at her child.

She said she was worried that, as a foreigner with an unstable job, divorce would make her situation more complicated.

Housing, residency documents and child custody were among the issues she feared would become more difficult, she said.

The woman added: “What I fear most is being separated from my child.”

She said she was unsure if she could support herself in Singapore if she left her husband, but added that staying in the marriage would leave her emotionally exhausted and mean her child would grow up in an unhappy home.

Support for foreign spouses in Singapore​

In a 2021 response to a Straits Times letter, the Immigration and Checkpoints Authority (ICA) said it would “typically facilitate” the renewal of LTVPs for foreign spouses undergoing divorce proceedings until the end of the proceedings, if they have Singaporean children and a local sponsor supporting their application.

ICA also said it would consider whether there were mitigating factors for foreign spouses undergoing divorce proceedings to stay in Singapore if their Singaporean spouses chose not to renew their LTVPs.

The authority added that it would generally renew foreign spouses’ LTVPs after their divorce if they had custody of Singaporean children.

ICA also clarified that a Singaporean spouse cannot unilaterally cancel the LTVP held by the foreign spouse without the latter’s consent.

In a written parliamentary reply on May 7, 2024, Minister for Home Affairs and Law K Shanmugam said Singapore’s policy is to generally allow divorced or widowed foreign spouses with custody of Singaporean children to remain in Singapore to care for and raise their children here.

Shanmugam added that ICA generally renews their LTVPs, and that they are generally considered more favourably for Permanent Residency compared with those without family ties to Singaporeans