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PEASANTPORE: The four opportunists vying for the financially lucrative Punggol East Peasants' Representative seat will be making messiah like promises and peddling snake oil over the next nine days. Their tricks and lies are expected to confuse and con some 31,600 peasants.
The four candidates are: Quack Doc Koh Poh Koon from the regime, Sabo Jeya, Pork Seller Desmond Lim Bak Chuan from the Stupid Donkey Arses and Ms Lee Li Lian from the Labour Party.
Regime candidate Quack Koh, a colorectal surgeon, is a fresh face seeking early retirement. The 40-year-old, who has dubbed himself "The Swine of Punggol", has already claimed victory thanks to a 4 corner fight. Ever ultra-competitive, he crows that he will give Labour Li Lian a good doggie thrust after his victory parade. He added he has no plans to focus on ensuring renovations to Rivervale Plaza stay on track. Appeals for improving childcare amenities for the constituency is likely to be frowned at as unnecessary expenditure. This will all cum to pass after his victory but defiant peasants will be punished, he assured without going into details.
Despite being flanked by regime minions at the nomination centre, Quack Koh used Quantum Mechanics logic and boast he is his own man. Based on Dual Nature of Light concept, he will run his own campaign despite the stellar boons from the regime bigwigs.
"My peasants, voters of Punggol East, let us tremble and obey Ruler Loong's decrees and make life easier for the Familee. Once I was poor but I study heart and sarpok Ruler Loong. Now I rich! This Ruler Loong more effective than Ya Sor or Tau Pek Kong," he sneered.
Many believe Quack Koh's biggest opponent will be the Labour's Lee Li Lian whom the Mouthpiece dismissed as 'inferior poly stock'.
Labour Li Lian, despite her puny intellect has mastered the 'Art of X'tian Talk Cock Sing Song'. In addition, she is no stranger to Punggol East peasants having contested there in the 2011 General Election against Lecherous Palmer.
Despite her mastery of X'tian Oratorical, was balked by the Ang Moh charms of lecherous Palmer. The latter is an exponent of the fabled '18 Lusty Palms' rumoured to send Laura Ong to esctasy within minutes during their clandestine fuck sesions.
Labour Li Lian said: "When I young, I ask my Ah Ma where i can learn how to speak like a seasoned con-woman. My Ah Ma say I should learn from the Ya Sor pastors. When they spin their preach, even the Moslem jinns and Jewish Satan kenna outclassed lor. So I say, I will serve you whole-heartedly before Erections. I will continue and constantly stand up for your rights before erectins. Before end of 26th of January, before your conscience, vote for the pro-peasant Labour and send me into Imperial Court as your representative."
Gluttons for punishments Stupid Donkey Arses's Pork Seller Desmond Lim.
Unrepentant despite losing his deposits in 2011 Erections, Pork Seller Lim said he is determined to lose his deposit.
He crowed: "Dearest Peasants of Punggol East, Pork Seller Desmond Lim is back -- dedicated to help Ruler Loong split the dissenting votes."
Rounding up the four candidates is Reform Party chief Sabo Jeya.
This will be the second electoral loss for the son of former Workers' Party chief JB Jeyaretnam. He lost the West Coast GRC Erections in 2011 despite facing a baboon known as Hairdo Lim and is noted for his inconsistency.
Sabo Jeya said: "KNNCCB, last time, my England too powderful, all the peasants catch no ball when I talk. This time, I use Singlish, maybe will help. This erection, I am determined to sabo Labour and make Ruler Loong happy."
Earlier, paedophiles Zeng Guoyuan and private tutor Ooi Boon Ewe turned up at the nomination centre. However, both left probably for some hot bapok sex with each other without filing their nomination papers.
PEASANTPORE: The four opportunists vying for the financially lucrative Punggol East Peasants' Representative seat will be making messiah like promises and peddling snake oil over the next nine days. Their tricks and lies are expected to confuse and con some 31,600 peasants.
The four candidates are: Quack Doc Koh Poh Koon from the regime, Sabo Jeya, Pork Seller Desmond Lim Bak Chuan from the Stupid Donkey Arses and Ms Lee Li Lian from the Labour Party.
Regime candidate Quack Koh, a colorectal surgeon, is a fresh face seeking early retirement. The 40-year-old, who has dubbed himself "The Swine of Punggol", has already claimed victory thanks to a 4 corner fight. Ever ultra-competitive, he crows that he will give Labour Li Lian a good doggie thrust after his victory parade. He added he has no plans to focus on ensuring renovations to Rivervale Plaza stay on track. Appeals for improving childcare amenities for the constituency is likely to be frowned at as unnecessary expenditure. This will all cum to pass after his victory but defiant peasants will be punished, he assured without going into details.
Despite being flanked by regime minions at the nomination centre, Quack Koh used Quantum Mechanics logic and boast he is his own man. Based on Dual Nature of Light concept, he will run his own campaign despite the stellar boons from the regime bigwigs.
"My peasants, voters of Punggol East, let us tremble and obey Ruler Loong's decrees and make life easier for the Familee. Once I was poor but I study heart and sarpok Ruler Loong. Now I rich! This Ruler Loong more effective than Ya Sor or Tau Pek Kong," he sneered.
Many believe Quack Koh's biggest opponent will be the Labour's Lee Li Lian whom the Mouthpiece dismissed as 'inferior poly stock'.
Labour Li Lian, despite her puny intellect has mastered the 'Art of X'tian Talk Cock Sing Song'. In addition, she is no stranger to Punggol East peasants having contested there in the 2011 General Election against Lecherous Palmer.
Despite her mastery of X'tian Oratorical, was balked by the Ang Moh charms of lecherous Palmer. The latter is an exponent of the fabled '18 Lusty Palms' rumoured to send Laura Ong to esctasy within minutes during their clandestine fuck sesions.
Labour Li Lian said: "When I young, I ask my Ah Ma where i can learn how to speak like a seasoned con-woman. My Ah Ma say I should learn from the Ya Sor pastors. When they spin their preach, even the Moslem jinns and Jewish Satan kenna outclassed lor. So I say, I will serve you whole-heartedly before Erections. I will continue and constantly stand up for your rights before erectins. Before end of 26th of January, before your conscience, vote for the pro-peasant Labour and send me into Imperial Court as your representative."
Gluttons for punishments Stupid Donkey Arses's Pork Seller Desmond Lim.
Unrepentant despite losing his deposits in 2011 Erections, Pork Seller Lim said he is determined to lose his deposit.
He crowed: "Dearest Peasants of Punggol East, Pork Seller Desmond Lim is back -- dedicated to help Ruler Loong split the dissenting votes."
Rounding up the four candidates is Reform Party chief Sabo Jeya.
This will be the second electoral loss for the son of former Workers' Party chief JB Jeyaretnam. He lost the West Coast GRC Erections in 2011 despite facing a baboon known as Hairdo Lim and is noted for his inconsistency.
Sabo Jeya said: "KNNCCB, last time, my England too powderful, all the peasants catch no ball when I talk. This time, I use Singlish, maybe will help. This erection, I am determined to sabo Labour and make Ruler Loong happy."
Earlier, paedophiles Zeng Guoyuan and private tutor Ooi Boon Ewe turned up at the nomination centre. However, both left probably for some hot bapok sex with each other without filing their nomination papers.
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