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Get Finally Unstuck​

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A friend loves at all times,
and a brother is born for adversity—Proverbs 17:17

“I’ve got this.” It’s a phrase used often by men, in one form or another. We say it to ourselves; we say it to others. And, most times, we have got whatever “this” happens to be. Every once in a while, though, we encounter something we cannot handle, something we haven’t “got.” Of course, that doesn’t always diminish our willingness to make our “got this” claims still. You see, “I’ve got this” often originates from our need to project images of manliness and self-sufficiency. And so, “I’ve got this” can become a stubborn habit. Even when it becomes obvious to us (and maybe everyone else) that we, in fact, haven’t “got this,” we sometimes continue right on in our stubbornness, telling ourselves that—from now on—we simply must try harder.

The truth is, some things are too big for us. But, because truth isn’t always welcome, we often cry out to God instead: “Why can’t I get beyond this?” “Why won’t you help me?” Well, brother, he has helped. He’s given us what we need to overcome even seemingly intractable problems.

“. . . though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12).​

While some things are too big for us alone, none is too big for Holy Spirit-infused communities of men—standing together, praying together, holding each other accountable, keeping one another encouraged.​

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Okay, so what do we do?

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do, but can’t seem to get around to doing? Is there something you’d desperately like to stop doing, but cannot? It is against such things that we must bring the power of community. So, now’s the time. Get control of your pride, put a name to that thing, and ask your brothers for help.​

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Are These False Expectations Diminishing Your Happiness?​

Most people intuitively know that our expectations profoundly affect our life experiences. Yet even as believers, we simultaneously expect too much and too little. We need to discover what we should expect less of and what merits higher expectations. That involves lowering our expectations concerning all the advantages we think life should bring us while raising our expectations concerning Christ and what He is daily accomplishing in us.

Here are six false expectations—those that are not grounded in Scripture and undermine our happiness:

1. God’s Love for Us Should Look Just Like What We Want​

God has promised us His undying love, but we often imagine how we’d do things differently for those we loved if we were all powerful. We’d surely keep anything bad from ever happening to them, right? That may be our understanding of love, but it’s not God’s.


If we ignore countless passages that promise us persecution and suffering while focusing on those that promise us God’s blessing, we lose sight of His promise to discipline us, build our character, and increase our Christlikeness through suffering.

We ought to expect with the highest confidence only what God has clearly, fundamentally, and absolutely promised. And if our gratitude is lessened with such an understanding, the problem is our expectations, not God’s promises. If we expect God to make our lives easy, our expectations are unbiblical.

2. We Won’t Be Persecuted for Our Faith​

Jesus said, “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first” (John 15:18, NIV). Peter said we should be firm in our faith, “knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world” (1 Peter 5:9).

In spite of multiple promises of suffering throughout Scripture, many Christians seem shocked or outraged when they have to face these trials. Americans have been slow to accept the extent to which Bible-believing Christ-followers have become socially unacceptable. Though we should work to hold on to our religious liberties, it’s likely they’ll continue to erode. But cheer up! Opposition is nothing new for God’s people, and historically the church’s greatest advances have come at the lowest ebb of its popularity.

The Christian faith may never return to its central public role in our culture, but Christ’s gospel is bigger than every obstacle. Sometimes a less popular church becomes a more faithful, dynamic, and joyful church. Any church whose happiness hinges on its popularity will either compromise its integrity or surrender its happiness—in either case failing to show the world the true and joyful gospel of Jesus.

3. Jesus Must Return in Our Lifetime​

“Stay awake, for you do not know on what day your Lord is coming. . . . Be ready, for the Son of Man is coming at an hour you do not expect” (Matthew 24:42, 44).

Christ will surely return, just as He promised (see Luke 21:27). Since the beginning of church history, many believers have thought Christ would return in their lifetimes. So far, everyone who has died in the past two thousand years has been wrong in that expectation.


In recent years, I’ve often heard believers say, “Christ has to return within the next few years.” No, He doesn’t. He may, but He may not return for decades or centuries. That’s entirely up to Him. Meanwhile, it’s up to us to continue living for Him.

4. Life Will Go Smoothly and We’ll Always Have Health and Wealth​

Scott Peck opens The Road Less Traveled, “Life is difficult. . . . Once we truly know that life is difficult—once we truly understand and accept it—then life is no longer difficult.” Well, it’s less difficult, anyway!

Paul said, “We brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content” (1 Timothy 6:7-8). Food and clothing may seem like low expectations. By the standards of the health-and-wealth gospel, these expectations are dismally low, but they’re accompanied by dramatically high expectations of God, who gives us riches in Heaven. After all, He’s the source of our joy!

Has God promised to make us healthy and wealthy? No, not in this life—only in the resurrected life on the New Earth.

5. Life Will Be Fair and People Will Treat Us Kindly and Thoughtfully​

Jesus said, “If you lend to those from whom you expect to receive, what credit is that to you? . . . But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great” (Luke 6:34-35).

All Bible passages about forgiveness involve lowering our expectations of people and not insisting they live up to our standards, or demanding perfection we don’t measure up to ourselves. God’s grace should calm us and cheer us.

If my saying, “Cheer up” seems naive, someone else—Jesus—said it first: “I have told you this, so that you might have peace in your hearts because of me. While you are in the world, you will have to suffer. But cheer up! I have defeated the world” (John 16:33, CEV).

6. Churches Owe Us Better Treatment than We’ve Received​

I am sadly aware that churches have contributed to much unhappiness. But when our expectations of church people, and especially pastors, are inordinately high, we become deeply disappointed, thinking that Christians should know better and have no business being imperfect (often not realizing how imperfect we ourselves are and that the problem with church people is often that they are too much like us).


Scripture tells us we shouldn’t be “neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some,” but should gather together, “encouraging one another” (Hebrews 10:25). When we back away from the local church, we often engage in spiritual isolation that’s likely to not only distance us from God’s work but also sour us and our children to the great good churches are doing.

We need to fix our eyes on Jesus, raise our expectations of our personal need to obey Him by being part of and serving the church, and lower our expectations of others so we’ll be more understanding and forgiving. Sometimes we need to find another church that teaches God’s Word and centers on Jesus. He sees all the flaws in the church, but He hasn’t given up on His bride, and He won’t (see Matthew 16:18). Neither should we.

 

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[td] What Moves Your Heart?​ ​ ​

[td] . . . give, and it will be given to you—Luke 6:38​ ​ ​

[td] When we begin following Jesus Christ, he shapes for us new hearts—just as God promised for Israel: “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezekiel 36:26; Ephesians 4:17-24). These new hearts move more like God’s heart. They are not, however, all shaped alike. They still reflect our God-created and God-anointed individuality (1 Corinthians 12:14-20). Notice when you view tough situations—sometimes your heart is moved, deeply. Notice also—sometimes it isn’t. You see, we’re all created for good works (Ephesians 2:10). But, as individuals, we aren’t created for every work. We couldn’t possibly be. We’re all called to help those in need (Matthew 22:39; 1 John 3:17-18). But, as individuals, we aren’t called to every need. Near his death, St. Francis of Assisi prayed for his fellow friars: “I have done what is mine to do. May Christ teach you what is yours.” The movements of our new hearts are one way God teaches us what is ours. For our hearts are made to notice, to care, to move more for certain people and certain needs: when their needs are met, our hearts are satisfied; when they aren’t, our hearts hurt with their hearts. So here’s the good part—when we become aware of the movements of our new hearts, and begin working ourselves to meet the needs of people who are ours to help, we increase not only their joy, but ours too.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Continue to bend your focus away from yourself, brother. Take some time to consider your heart. Can you identify the particular people and particular needs for which it moves, uniquely?​ ​ ​

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[td] He Calls Us Still​ ​ ​

[td] . . . for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God—Romans 3:23​ ​ ​

[td] As his men, we’re called to be like Jesus. We’re commanded to love just like he does (John 13:34-35). That’s a tall order. It’s easy to feel less-than-qualified, what with all our faults and bad choices, both intentional and unintentional. In fact, it’s easy to feel totally disqualified. Our mistakes—we carry their shame, we try to forget them. But we can’t forget. So we hide them instead, hoping, at least, to appear qualified. But they’re always there. And the thing is, when everyone else is hiding their mistakes too, it can feel like we’re the only ones with failings. So, not only do we feel disqualified, we can also feel separate. But our mistakes don’t separate us from everyone else. They actually connect us. Whether we admit them or not, they’re one thing we all share (Romans 3:23). Our mistakes make us human. They also don’t disqualify us from the call to love like Jesus. You see, Jesus knows our mistakes; we can’t hide them from him. And yet he calls us still. We must confess and repent the mistakes we’ve made—and try to make fewer going forward—but Jesus doesn’t give up on us because of our mistakes (Mark 2:17). And, in fact, our mistakes (and the darkness that follows) can actually prepare us for his call. They can prepare us to love. They can teach us compassion and humility. They can also give us the authority to speak, as men who’ve been through darkness and pain, and who’ve returned.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Make a list. Write down mistakes you’ve made. Pray over them. Consider how you’ve grown from them. Consider how God might be redeeming them—how they might have actually prepared you to love and help those people for whom your heart moves.​ ​ ​

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