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[RiverOL]

[td] Building New Gauges​ ​ ​

[td] Do not be conformed to this world—Romans 12:2​ ​ ​

[td] We men love to measure things. And we have, at our disposal, highly accurate gauges for measuring just about anything, including the progress of our lives. I mean, we never have to wonder which careers are most prestigious; which jobs are most coveted; which neighborhoods are most exclusive; which vacations are most glamorous; which cars are most luxurious. Our culture makes sure its gauges remain well calibrated. “Listen carefully . . . and be wary of the shrewd advice that tells you how to get ahead in the world . . .” (Mark 4:24 MSG). The problem is, such things are not proper for measuring the progress of any life. There’s nothing wrong with careers or communities or cars, in-and-of themselves. They’re just not appropriate gauges in this context. Using them is like using a thermometer to measure the weight of a steel beam. It doesn’t work. Likewise, improper gauges won’t work for us, for measuring our lives as men. We must create and calibrate new gauges, ones that can properly measure our lives, because they measure the right stuff—like how we’re doing as husbands, as fathers, as friends, as neighbors; and how we’re doing toward becoming the men God intends us to become.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Build new gauges for yourself, brother, ones that measure things like . . . how many nights you are home for dinner; or how often you sit down and pray with your wife or girlfriend; or how often you have conversations with your sons or daughters about their dreams or their fears; or how often you meet with brothers in community; or how often you drop what you’re doing to spend time with friends in need. Get practical. Build a simple spreadsheet, for example. Or create a calendar. Do what makes sense for you, but start measuring, today.​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

What Does Reproach Mean? A Biblical Definition of Reproach and Above Reproach​

What does the word reproach mean when used in the biblical context and what is the biblical definition of reproach?

Reproach is…​

Someone who is above reproach is said to be not deserving of blame or criticism for something they said or did but someone who is being reproached is someone who has received criticism, disproval, or disappointed others that is justified by their actions. In other words, they have done things or something that deserved condemnation and rebuke or blame. The biblical definition of the word reproach is not unlike the secular definition as we shall see.

The Reproach of Childlessness​

When Jacob’s wife Rachael couldn’t conceive children, she became a reproach to those who knew her. In the Jewish culture, to be childless was thought to be under a curse from God Who alone opens the womb. This was a very difficult thing to endure but “Then God remembered Rachel, and God listened to her and opened her womb. She conceived and bore a son and said, “God has taken away my reproach.” And she called his name Joseph, saying, “May the Lord add to me another son” (Gen 30:22-24). Joseph’s name means to “may he add” but in the Hebrew sounds like “take away.” In the New Testament, Elizabeth in her later years conceived a child and would be called John the Baptist and she declared “Thus the Lord has done for me in the days when he looked on me, to take away my reproach among people” (Luke 1:25).

The Reproach of Israel​

When the Philistine’s Goliath was hurling insults at Israel and against God, David was outraged and so David asked “What shall be done for the man who kills this Philistine and takes away the reproach from Israel? For who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God” (1st Sam 17:26). The same type of reproach was endured, unjustly, by Job who’s friends had turned on him after first coming to console him in his afflictions so Job said “These ten times you have cast reproach upon me; are you not ashamed to wrong me” (Job 19:3) and Job concluded, “I hold fast my righteousness and will not let it go; my heart does not reproach me for any of my days” (Job 17:6).

Sin as a Reproach​

The psalmist asked the question “Who can dwell on your holy hill” (Psalm 15:1) and that would be he or she “who does not slander with his tongue and does no evil to his neighbor, nor takes up a reproach against his friend” (Psalm 15:3). The fact is that “Righteousness exalts a nation, but sin is a reproach to any people” (Prov 14:34) and “He who does violence to his father and chases away his mother is a son who brings shame and reproach” (Prov 19:36). In Psalm 69, which is a Messianic psalm, the psalmist writes “For zeal for your house has consumed me, and the reproaches of those who reproach you have fallen on me” (Psalm 69:9) which was fulfilled when Jesus cleansed the temple of the unrighteous money changers (John 2:17).

Reproached by God​

When God disciplined Judah for her idolatry, Jeremiah wrote as God speaking, “And I will bring upon you everlasting reproach and perpetual shame, which shall not be forgotten” (Jer 23:40) and “I will make them a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth, to be a reproach, a byword, a taunt, and a curse in all the places where I shall drive them” (Jer 23:40) and because of their idolatry God says “I will pursue them with sword, famine, and pestilence, and will make them a horror to all the kingdoms of the earth, to be a curse, a terror, a hissing, and a reproach among all the nations where I have driven them” (Jer 29:18) but someday God “will gather those of you who mourn for the festival, so that you will no longer suffer reproach” (Zeph 3:18). The purpose of making Israel a reproach was that they would repent and turn again to Him.

Being Above Reproach​

Among the qualifications of being a deacon, elder, or pastor, is that the man must be living a life above reproach or be living a blameless life. In Paul’s writing to Timothy about the qualifications for being an elder he wrote “if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination” (Titus 1:6) because “an overseer, as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain” (Titus 1:7). Paul writes much the same thing to Timothy as he said that “an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach” (1st Tim 3:2).

The Reproach of Christ​

Believers suffer the reproach of non-believers as the author of Hebrews wrote that they were “sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated” (Heb 10:33) but we should think about Moses who “considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward” (Heb 11:26) so just as Christ endured reproach for our sake, “let us go to him outside the camp and bear the reproach he endured” (Heb 13:13).

Conclusion​

To live a life that is free from reproach, a believer must live a holy life and a life that when others accuse them, will have no substantial evidence that the man or woman of God is living in sin and bringing shame to the cause of Christ. To be a reproach for Christ is good but to be a reproach for living a lifestyle that justifies that accusation is not.

 

[RiverOL]

7 Signs That You Need Better Boundaries in Relationships​

After years of helping clients with boundary issues, I began researching the topic to gain clarity and information. Many of my clients need assistance in setting clearer boundaries in relationships. They complain that they often give too much to others, feel depleted, and have trouble saying “no” to others.

For example, Felicia, 44, often spends endless hours running errands for her mother, Suzanne, age 80. Even if she has work to do, or is feeling tired or overwhelmed, Felicia will agree to pick up groceries for her mother, or spend time talking with her about her medical issues.

While it’s important to care for others, the way Felicia does for Suz, we all need to practice self-care and learn to set healthy boundaries so we don’t become exhausted.

An expert on boundaries, therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, took to social media to spread the word about her observations and solutions. Her post “Signs That You Need Boundaries” clearly struck a chord with her followers, but reached an even larger audience when the post went viral.

These are the Glover Tawwab’s Seven Signs that You Need Better Boundaries:

• You feel overwhelmed.
• You feel resentment toward people for asking for your help.
• You avoid phone calls and interactions with people you think might ask for something.
• You make comments about helping people and getting nothing in return.
• You feel burned out.
• You frequently daydream about dropping everything and disappearing.
• You have no time for yourself.

In processing the “overwhelming response,” Glover Tawwab wrote that her “posts online show me how much people relate to the need for boundaries.” Indeed, she had tapped into a relatable dynamic in the lives of so many people and couples, and her pragmatic, straightforward approach led her to host weekly Q&As on Instagram where she is able to interact directly with a wide audience.

The response to her posts seemed to give a sort of permission to people looking to unpack and understand their boundary issues in a new, healthy and constructive way. Moreover, it unlocked the power of recognizing our shared experiences, demonstrating how much we can learn about ourselves by learning about others.

Glover Tawwab presented boundary issues in approachable terms, highlighting the fact that we all have “triumphs and fails” in our journey toward building and sustaining healthy relationships. She discussed the difficulties and risks in setting limits in our lives, but successfully reframed those scary hurdles by focusing on the positive impact of setting boundaries.


Her philosophy is simple and gives people the tools and perspective to view the practice of setting boundaries in a positive light. While establishing healthy boundaries might be uncomfortable — even painful — at first, Glover Tawwab provided clarity around the end result, showing her followers the light at the end of the tunnel.

Being mindful of effective and honest communication, self-evaluation, and the realities of taking action on setting boundaries both big and small, Glover Tawwab provided a sort of checklist to recognize boundary issues (“You feel overwhelmed,” or “You feel resentment toward people asking for your help,” for example).

But in addition to helping her followers recognize the telltale signs of boundary issues, Glover Tawwab also broke down the ways in which the setting of boundaries is easier to achieve. Ultimately, when writing recently about her Instagram experience on Maria Shriver’s website, this seasoned therapist put this all-too-common problem in perspective: “People don’t know what you want. It’s your job to make it clear. Clarity saves relationships.”

As with her philosophy and strategies for helping patients, clarity indeed rules the day. In the end, Glover Tawwab distills the hope that we all need in the emotionally wrought and often challenging process of setting boundaries, writing that “the more you do it, the easier it gets — especially when you experience the peace of mind that follows.”


Working with individuals with boundary issues, my take away from Glover Tawwab’s valuable insights is that becoming clearer about our own boundary issues is the first step in change and that for many people it’s a life long journey that’s worth the effort.

 

[RiverOL]

Exhaustion: Rest for What Wearies Me​

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him.

Psalm 62: 5

“One of life’s little ironies is that some of our hardest times are when our dreams actually do come true.”

Nothing compares to a sleepless night. Unless, of course, you string together a whole bunch of sleepless nights together right in a row, then you experience not only physical exhaustion but a special brand of craziness too. I’ve been there in the not so distant past and my memory of those months when I couldn’t sleep about drove me crazy.

Looking back, it was the perfect storm of events that took me to my knees hour by hour in complete and overwhelming exhaustion. If it wasn’t one (or both) of my loose shoulders paining me through those dim hours, it was the continual onslaught of hot flashes that stirred me out of sleep with a sudden and violent pounding in my heart that momentarily preceded an inside-out drenching. Hour after hour, I would wake up and have a difficult time going back to sleep. After a few months of this nonsense, I began hating bedtime. This is saying a lot since one of my favorite comforts in life has been to get a good night’s sleep.

Exhaustion Breeds Desperation​

I tried everything I could find to counteract the combination of pain and the hot flashes. Nothing worked. I cried out to God to please send me someone or something to help me because I was out of solutions and feeling more desperate as the days went by. In the midst of my delirium I learned to never, ever take God’s promised provision for granted. It just didn’t come packaged as I had hoped.

I also learned to never say never when no amount of exercise, eating plans, vitamin regimes, or holistic solutions worked and I was forced into a corner with few options left except pharmaceutical ones. My physician offered me a short stint on HRT (hormone replacement therapy) and though kicking and screaming, I agreed to try it. Immediately, my quality of life increased one hundred fold. Sleeplessness was a thing of the past but I was forced to accept the hard truth that when I ask for God’s help, He has the prerogative in how to supply my need. Sometimes, I truly believe He allows us to get real uncomfortable so we can hear Him better. And, so that we’re reminded God is the creator, sustainer, and life-giver.

God Alone Is In Control​

We all like to believe we’re in control of our lives. We love to mentally tabulate that what we’ve achieved is all a result of our own doing. For sure, it’s our blood, sweat and tears that got us the job, house, spouse, friends, or vacation. As Americans, we’ve got the corner on independence. But it’s not true.


Every single one of us is where we are in life because of God’s good gifts of specific talents, bents, abilities, and blessings. If we’re born with superior intelligence, thank God. If we’re born with physical strength and stamina, thank God. If we’re born into a family with parents who love us, thank God. Still, we often forget that who we are and what we accomplish is always sustained by our Heavenly Father.

Trouble Comes Packaged In Different Ways​

We like to believe that if we take good enough care of our bodies, our minds, our souls, then God will pave a smooth path in front of us. This isn’t what Scripture teaches. In fact, over and over, Jesus tells us we will have trouble (lots of it) in this life. The Good News is that Jesus has overcome this world and all its troubles. Once we accept that all our doing the right things onto exhaustion won’t inoculate us from the world’s pain (physical, emotional, mental) we can learn to rest from that which wearies us.

Throughout those tedious months of long sleepless nights, I begged the Lord to allow me one good night’s sleep. For months on end, that prayer went unanswered (from my human perspective.) In the worst moments of my exhaustion when it was hard to concentrate and speak a coherent sentence, I felt my humanity, my frailty, and my weakness more keenly than ever before. And I learned something during those dark hours when everyone else was slumbering sweetly, I realized how much I count on God for every breath I take. In and out, in and out, it’s all Him. It always was, I just hadn’t realized that truth yet.

Real Rest Comes From God Alone​

All our laboring is in vain, it is. He wants to give us rest. Regular daily (and nightly) rest to recharge and rejuvenate our bodies, our minds, our souls. It is one of life’s ironies that often when we believe everything is going our way, we are in reality, struggling more mightily than ever. The lesson I know to be true is this, God governs our days and nights and whether we work or we sleep, He longs to give us rest from whatever wearies us. Our choice is to come into His quiet presence long enough to hear Him speak.

 

[RiverOL]

[td] Restoring Connections​ ​ ​

[td] . . . build up the ancient ruins . . . repair the ruined cities—Isaiah 61:4​ ​ ​

[td] Three relationships broke when man fell, so long ago: the relationship between man and God, the relationship between man and himself, and the relationship between man and other men (and women). Our jobs now, brother, are to repair and rebuild those relationships, in our own unique ways, as much as we can during our lifetimes . . . and to encourage and assist others in doing likewise. Our King, Jesus Christ, gave us our instructions—love "God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and love "your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39). His two-part directive covers all three relationships: love God more than anything else; love yourself sufficiently; and love other people at least as much as you love yourself. It’s all there. So how do we begin? Well, we restore relationships with God when we soften our hearts, decide to trust him more than we trust ourselves, and bend ourselves toward obedience. We restore relationships with ourselves when we soften our hearts and decide to care for ourselves as God intends, finally dealing with self-condemnation or idolatry or addiction (to work, to food, to alcohol, to pornography, or anything else). And, we restore relationships with others when we soften our hearts, decide to look around for people who need us, and bend our lives toward loving and serving and forgiving them.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Take a moment to survey your life. Which type of relationship is most broken? If none is obvious, take time for listening prayer. Ask your counselor, God the Holy Spirit, to guide you. Once you’ve focused-in on what’s most in need of rebuilding, what’s most in need of repair, you’ve got your own, individualized blueprint for "what’s next." Begin working on it this week. Start with something practical.​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

Pursuing God | Tenacity in Seeking Blessing​

Then there are the times I need to chase down my blessing.

And he said, Let me go, for the day breaketh. And he said, I will not let thee go, except thou bless me.
Genesis 32.26

This form of the word bless is a root word meaning to bless, sometimes to kneel. It is a common term, used over 300 times in the Hebrew Bible alone.

giving God freedom for blessing​

Jacob is asking the man (divine being) to bless him. He isn’t asking for a specific blessing. Perhaps there are more blessings available to me if I don’t ask specifically for what I want at any given moment.

Now I can almost hear our Lord at times say, “You keep asking for that because that is what you think you need, but I am waiting to give you this over here.”

I often ask amiss.

I often ask the wrong question.


Sometimes I need to give my question to God and ask Him if I can ask the right question.

There are some who are always asking the wrong questions.

Name it and claim it!

Blab it and grab it!

They use their words to try to manifest specific blessings.

Their questions are often wrong. Just because they ask God for something specific does not mean God intends that something specifically for them.

Jacob asks the right question. He does not ask for a specific blessing. He knows who he is wrestling with. Any blessing will be the right blessing. He is giving God the freedom to bless.

pursuing the Spirit for blessing​

Jacob is not specific in what he asks. Jacob is specific in what he does.

And Jacob was left alone; and there wrestled a man with him until the breaking of the day.
Genesis 32.24


Chasing a blessing is hard. Jacob had to leave everybody behind, or actually put everybody in front of him.

Sometimes I have to leave the comfort I am used to. My religion lines up with my way of thinking. Sometimes I have to get out of line because the blessing is not tied to my line. I have to chase it at the expense of leaving those I am comfortable with. I have to chase it alone.

Sometimes it seems like the blessing dodges and weaves, like it doesn’t want to be caught. But I have to keep my focus because I know it is of God.

Eventually, I catch up with it and tackle it, or wrestle it to the ground like Jacob.

There is a pursuit of God at times.

holding on​

Once I have apprehended that for which I am apprehended…

Once I have caught up with what God is doing in my life…

And once I have entered that space where it is clearly me and the Spirit…

I simply do not want to let go!

I want to hold on until I receive the blessing I am seeking, whatever that blessing may be.


It doesn’t happen this way every time, but it does happen enough.

Jacob could have wrestled with a Theophany.

I often do not know what I am holding onto. I might be surprised when the Spirit becomes the aggressor.

The divine man spoke a blessing over Jacob, changing his name to Israel. This was a shift in identity.

Maybe the Spirit wants to shift some things around in my life. Maybe the Spirit wants to do some work on my very identity.

Like Jacob, I do not know what the blessing is.

Like Jacob I hold on until I receive the blessing.

 

[RiverOL]

[td] Who Are Your Heroes?​ ​ ​

[td] Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness—Matthew 4:10​ ​ ​

[td] We men like heroes. We like to look upward. We start early, as boys, looking up to men and women who do amazing things on grass and turf and hardwood and ice. As we get older, we shift our “looking up” to those who do amazing things in classrooms, board rooms, laboratories, legislatures . . . to those who speak and create and negotiate, to those who research and discover and write. There’s nothing wrong with honoring and admiring other people. Something is wrong, though, when honoring or admiration becomes worship—when we devote our lives to becoming just like our heroes. You see, heroic images are false. They are false because they’re incomplete. Heroic images portray the good and obscure the bad. We think, “he’s got it together”—“great job, great wife, great bank account, great house” . . . “must be nice.” What we don’t see is what’s broken. Something always is: “For we all stumble in many ways” (James 3:2). Maybe it’s what was sacrificed in order to achieve the heroic image. Not realizing we’re misled, though, we decide to chase their images, to model our lives after theirs. Not realizing we’re misled, we end up imitating their brokenness. When we worship heroes, we do like the ancient pagans who “exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator” (Romans 1:25). The truth is, no person, past or present, is worthy of our worship . . . except one.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Who are your heroes? Have you ever walked the line between admiration and hero worship? Have you ever held another (broken) person in too high esteem? If you’ve crossed that line, simply confess it to God in prayer. And commit to worshiping no man but our worthy King, Jesus Christ.​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

[td] Too Busy? Hmmm . . .​ ​ ​

[td] Look carefully then how you walk . . . making the best use of the time, because the days are evil—Ephesians 5:15-16​ ​ ​

[td] When sacred opportunities come—opportunities to listen, to care, to encourage, to serve, to give, to tell others about our faith—we men often use a tactic called “too busy, right now.” We say the words out loud, sometimes. More often, we say them to ourselves and just keep moving. We then rationalize the dodge by using a second tactic, one called “make up for it later.” That is, we imagine ourselves jumping into other, similar opportunities, eventually—when things slow down a bit maybe. God knows we’re busy. He sees how busy we are, right now. And he calls us still. You see, these sacred opportunities don’t come by chance. He places them carefully in front of us. He knows we’re busy . . . and he knows what he’s doing. He knew what he was doing when he called Simon and Andrew, when the brothers were busy fishing (Mark 1:16-18). He knew what he was doing when he called James and John, when those brothers were busy mending nets (Mark 1:19-20). He knew what he was doing when he called Levi, when Levi was busy collecting taxes (Mark 2:14). He knows what he’s doing when he calls us too, even when we’re busy. He doesn’t wait because he knows our time is scarce. He knows that we have none to waste. “We must work the works of him who sent me while it is day; night is coming, when no one can work” (John 9:4).​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? What was your last sacred opportunity, brother? What did you do? Is the opportunity still open? If not, take a moment to decide what you’ll do the next time a sacred opportunity comes. Commit to stepping into it and making the most of the precious time you’ve been given.​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

Why Should We Care About Eternal Rewards?​

I think the doctrine of eternal rewards is critically important, yet greatly misunderstood. Scripture is full of references to it. Here are some materials I’ve researched and presented to groups on this subject. The great majority of this is just Scripture, which I’ve organized.

Paul said, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). “For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Notice that Paul speaks not of a glory achieved for Christ but “for us.” Likewise, Jesus didn’t say, “Store up for me treasures in heaven”; he said, “Store up for yourselves treasures in heaven” (Matthew 6:20, italics mine). Of course, only Christ will be honored as the object of our worship in Heaven. We will gladly lay our crowns, our rewards, before His throne, so He receives the ultimate glory (Revelation 4:10-11). Yet Scripture teaches that we will not only behold His glory but also participate in it (Romans 8:18-19).


Crowns are a common symbol of ruling power, though they may symbolize other rewards as well. Five crowns are mentioned in the New Testament:

1. The Crown of Life—given for faithfulness to Christ in persecution or martyrdom (James 1:12; Revelation 2:10).

2. The Incorruptible Crown—given for determination, discipline, and victory in the Christian life (1 Corinthians 9:24-25).

3. The Crown of Rejoicing—given for pouring oneself into others in evangelism and discipleship (1 Thessalonians 2:19; Philippians 4:1).

4. The Crown of Glory—given for faithfully representing Christ in a position of spiritual leadership (1 Peter 5:1-4). (Note that a prerequisite is being “not greedy for money, but eager to serve.” A Christian leader’s preoccupation with money can forfeit this reward.)

5. The Crown of Righteousness—given for joyfully purifying and readying oneself to meet Christ at his return (2 Timothy 4:6-8).

There’s nothing in this list that suggests it is exhaustive. There may be innumerable crowns and types of crowns and rewards unrelated to crowns. But all are graciously given by the Lord Jesus in response to the faithful efforts of the believer.


These crowns bring glory to Christ as they are laid before His feet (Revelation 4:10), showing that our rewards are given not merely for our recognition but for God’s glory. Although God’s glory is the highest reason for any action, Scripture sees no contradiction between God’s eternal glory and our eternal good. On the contrary, glorifying God will always result in our greatest eternal good. Likewise, pursuing our eternal good, as He commands us to do, will always glorify God. False humility that says, “I want no reward,” effectively means, “I want nothing to lay at Christ’s feet to bring Him glory.”

We are to guard our crowns carefully (Revelation 3:11). Why? Because we can be disqualified from receiving them (1 Corinthians 9:27). We can lose them (1 Corinthians 3:15). They can be taken from us (Matthew 25:28-29). We can seek our rewards from men, thereby forfeiting them from God (Matthew 6:5-6). John warns, “Watch out that you do not lose what you have worked for, but that you may be rewarded fully” (2 John 8). We can fail to earn rewards, and we can forfeit rewards already in our account.

A crown is a symbol of a position of authority given by God. Some people have told me, “We’ll get the crowns, yes, but according to this passage, we’ll no longer have them, because we’ll lay them before the throne so that God is the only one who has authority.” That’s not what this passage is saying. Those who lay them before the throne are dedicating their position and their God-given authority to Him. They’re saying, “I’m going to serve you.” But when they walk away from His throne room, they’re still in that position of leadership.


Paul spoke about the Philippians’ financial giving, explaining, “Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account” (Philippians 4:17). God keeps an account open for us in Heaven, and every gift given for His glory is a deposit in that account. When we give, we withdraw funds from our earthly account to have them credited to our heavenly account. Not only God, not only others, but we are the eternal beneficiaries of our giving.

Still, some sincere, Bible-believing Christians really struggle with the concept of eternal rewards. But here’s the incredible thing, the factor that turns the entire debate on its head: it wasn’t our idea that God would reward us. It was His idea! Satan didn’t make up the idea of incentives. Our sin nature didn’t make it up. A corrupt world didn’t make it up. God made it up. He designed us to need incentives to motivate us to do our jobs and do them well.

We flatter ourselves—and insult God—when we say, “I don’t care about reward.”

God will reward the child who gave to the missions offering the money she’d saved for a softball mitt. He’ll reward the teenager who kept himself pure despite all the temptations. He’ll reward the man who tenderly cared for his wife with Alzheimer’s, the mother who raised the child with cerebral palsy, the child who rejoiced despite his handicap. He’ll reward the unskilled person who was faithful and the skilled person who was meek and servant-hearted. He’ll reward the parents who modeled Christ to their children and the children who followed Him despite their parents’ bad example. He’ll reward those who suffered while trusting Him, and those who helped the ones who were suffering. He’ll reward the couple who downsize, selling their large house to live in a small one and give all the money away to missions.


He doesn’t have to reward anyone for anything. He does it because He wants to! And make no mistake, regardless of what you and I think about it, that’s exactly what He’s going to do: “For the Son of Man is going to come in his Father’s glory with his angels, and then he will reward each person according to what he has done” (Matthew 16:27).

 

[RiverOL]

Anger Issues​

In May of 2024, there was an article in The Wall Street Journal titled, “Too Much Anger Harms Your Health.” The author of the article, Sumathi Reddy, says that medical research has learned anger doesn’t just damage our mental health, but also our hearts, brains and gastrointestinal systems. They also discovered that anger does greater damage than anxiety and sadness to a person’s life.

Generally, our anger is directed at a person who we believe has somehow wronged us, hurt us or betrayed us. Many people don’t realize that often we carry this anger around until it is resolved. The hard part for us is to realize that we must forgive those who have harmed us. However, it is much easier to harbor anger, resentment, and even hatred than to forgive and let go. However, we must indeed forgive if we expect to be truly liberated and genuinely live with joy in our lives.

Some of you might remember the classic rock and roll band, Credence Clearwater Revival. They were quite popular and experienced tremendous success, yet that did not keep them from a complete fracturing and breaking-up of the band. John Fogerty, the lead singer, would not talk to any of the former members, nor would he ever sing any of their old songs. And then he realized what had happened to him. He said, “Bitterness is a poison that we drink, hoping it will cause the other person to die.” Think about that… Bitterness does great harm to us, the one who harbors the ill thoughts, yet it does not affect the other person at all.


This is why novelist William Young says, “Forgiveness is for the forgiver. It is to release you from something that will eat you alive and that will destroy your joy and your ability to live fully and openly.”

You might be thinking that you just do not have it in you to forgive someone who has hurt you deeply…that it is just not possible. I had a woman tell me those very words several years ago.

My response was that only God and his grace could enable her to forgive. I suggested that she needed earnestly to ask Him to deliver her from her anger and bitterness. She might be at a point where she had to acknowledge that she was powerless to do this on her own.

She sought God’s strength and power to forgive the person who had hurt and betrayed her. Several months later she was healed and set free from her imprisoning anger.

Clearly, anger can be quite harmful to our lives, as it tends to entrap us. The extension of forgiveness is a greater power that frees us and enables us to live a joyful, healthy life.

 

[RiverOL]

More Than One Way to Store Up Treasure in Heaven​

The primary passage of Scripture that talks about storing up treasures in Heaven is Matthew 6:19-21, where Jesus tells us to transfer our wealth from one place to another:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

When we die, earthly treasure will no longer be ours, but wealth we’ve transferred to Heaven will remain ours forever.

The treasures on earth of Matthew 6 are material things. The treasures in Heaven are eternal rewards in a near context of financial giving. How does one store up treasures in Heaven? The most obvious answer is through giving, which as a spiritual discipline, along with fasting and praying, has been Christ’s subject matter.

Unfortunately, some commentaries and several sermons I’ve heard and read on Matthew 6:19–21 are remarkably vague as to its meaning. They spiritualize the passage, divorcing it from its context and failing to connect it to its parallel passages. They interpret Christ’s words as a general call to be kingdom-minded and say He makes no reference to giving away material goods.


Certainly, the passage would be far easier to fulfill if it merely required good intentions on our part. Instead, it calls us to radical acts of generosity. We dare not let our convenience and culture—including church culture—dictate our interpretation.

Craig Blomberg states in the New American Commentary on Matthew, “In this context…storing up treasures focuses particularly on the compassionate use of material resources to meet others’ physical and spiritual needs, in keeping with the priorities of God’s kingdom.”

The interpretation of Matthew 6 I advocate is emphatically supported by Paul’s statements in 1 Timothy 6, where he borrows the words of Jesus “lay up treasures for themselves”:

“Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth…Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age…”

“In this way” points back to doing good deeds and specifically being generous and willing to share, which are clearly about financial giving and material generosity. Financial giving is said to be a means of laying up treasure in Heaven. For Paul to speak of laying up treasure—and not only treasure but for themselves in the age to come (in Heaven)—seems an unmistakable allusion to Christ’s words in Matthew 6. I think it also demonstrates Paul’s understanding of what Jesus said.


The Matthew 6 passage and its parallels in Matthew 19, Mark 12, Luke 12, and 1 Timothy 6 show a direct connection between actually giving away money, which God in turn regards as or rewards as treasure in Heaven. Of course, Christ’s words can be broadly applied to how we use our time and abilities. But we must not deny or neglect His primary meaning concerning giving away our money and possessions.

The Bible shows that anything we put in God’s hands is an investment in eternity. That certainly includes money but is not limited to it. Giving our all to God includes our time, talents, efforts, and relationships. Every aspect of our lives must be at Christ’s disposal; that’s what it means to be His disciple (Luke 14:33).

God will reward us for more than financial giving. He will also give us eternal rewards for doing good works (Ephesians 6:8; Romans 2:6, 10), persevering under persecution (Luke 6:22–23), showing compassion to the needy (Luke 14:13–14), and treating our enemies kindly (Luke 6:35).

The way to lay up treasures in Heaven includes giving away our money and possessions but of course is not limited to it. Scripture teaches that those things which we keep can also serve kingdom purposes. They can be generously shared and invested and used in ways that serve eternal purposes, that further God’s kingdom for His glory rather than just building our own little kingdoms for our own glory.

 

[RiverOL]

Top 7 Bible Verses About Satisfaction​

Psalm 107:9 “For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things.”​

There are fewer things that I can think of that are more satisfying than resting in the salvation of the Lord. He is the God Who brings true satisfaction for the longing soul, and for those who hunger and thirst after righteousness, He will fill someday (Matt 5:6). Life today may not be totally satisfying, however we know that God will satisfy the longing soul who hungers for good things, and above all, the good things from God.

Isaiah 58:11 “And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.”​

This verse from Isaiah the Prophet reminds me of Psalm 1 where is says for those who “delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night” that they shall be “like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers” (Psalm 1:3). What both the psalmist and Isaiah are saying is that only God satisfies in a dry, spiritual wasteland that this world is, and that this satisfaction is like “waters [that] do not fail.”

Jeremiah 31:25 “For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.”​

How many times I have I heard people say that they are growing wearing in doing good things for God, but the Word of God admonishes us to “let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up” (Gal 6:9). If we give up, we’ll simply stop doing what God commands us to do (Matt 28:19-20; Matt 25:34-40; James 1:27) and do nothing for Him. Instead, if we are weary in doing good, remember that God alone satisfies “the weary soul” and He will replenish “every languishing soul.”

Psalm 91:16 “With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation.”​

Whoever has trusted in Christ will most certainly be satisfied with long life, and what is longer than enteral life? For those who trust in Him, God says He will “show him [or her] my salvation,” and God shows His salvation in the Word of God in such places where Christ says, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live” (John 11:25). In other words, death cannot hold the children of God because the Spirit of God has quickened them and brought them eternal life through faith in Christ.

Isaiah 55:2 “Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy? Listen diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in rich food.”​

We spend money on things that the Bible says will all burn up someday, so why spend money on things that don’t satisfy and work or labor on things that are temporary? If we diligently listen to God, we can “eat what is good, and delight [ourselves] in rich food,” like the Bread of Life, where Jesus said, “whoever comes to me shall not hunger, and whoever believes in me shall never thirst” (John 6:35).

Mark 15:15 “So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, he delivered him to be crucified.”​

Pontius Pilate was a pragmatist. In other words, he did what was convenient to satisfy the Jew’s anger over Jesus and was less concerned about doing what was right. Pilate himself said, “I am bringing him out to you that you may know that I find no guilt in him” (John 19:4). Even though Pilate had the authority to release Jesus, he caved into pressure from the Jews. The Jews had their satisfaction in having Jesus murdered, but in reality, God says, “he shall see his offspring; he shall prolong his days; the will of the Lord shall prosper in his hand” (Isaiah 53:10).

Psalm 132:15 “I will abundantly bless her provisions; I will satisfy her poor with bread.”​

When the kingdom of God is established in fullness here on earth, God will at that time, “abundantly bless her provisions” but will also “satisfy her poor with bread” (Isaiah 53:10). Today, there are many who are hungry and homeless, and they are less than satisfied, but those who have trusted in Christ, someday (soon?), He will bless them with abundance and provide bread without end. For the children of God, they will never hunger and thirst again when the kingdom is consummated here on earth.

Conclusion​

There is no satisfaction in this world outside of saving faith in Christ. We cannot know true satisfaction because the things of this world are only temporary, and they can only bring temporary or fleeting satisfaction, “But those who wait on the Lord. Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31), and they shall forever be satisfied in life, in eternity, and in the Lord our God, Jesus Christ.

 

[RiverOL]

6 Things to Try Before Giving Up On Your Marriage​

We’ve long understood the pain and perils of relationships characterized by physical and emotional abuse. The toxic and often tragic consequences of abuse between couples are as wide ranging as they are reprehensible.

However, there is another kind of abuse, often obscured and unseen, that wreaks havoc on relationships and leaves dissatisfaction, distress, and divorce in its wake. In a recent article for The Good Men Project, Thomas G. Fiffer explores the silent suffering of those in unhealthy and unloving marriages.



Fiffer describes the all too common, but equally overlooked unions marked by emotional withholding as one in which “coldness replaces warmth, silence replaces conversation, turning away replaces turning towards, dismissiveness replaces receptivity, and contempt replaces respect.” And because of the insidious, creeping and passive aggressive nature of this sort of dysfunction, Fiffer argues that it is difficult to identify and remedy.

Arising out of chronic breakdowns in communication, and likely informed by self-esteem issues and a lack of connectivity on the part of the abusive partner, the fallout manifests as a failure to love and be loved. Couples talk past and look through one another, and the problems triggered by loneliness and isolation begin to pile up on each other.

For instance, Christine and Jake have been married for fourteen years and they three children ranging from ages three to twelve. During a recent counseling session, Christine declared that they have fallen out of love and are considering getting a divorce. With intensity in her voice she states, “Jake has a pattern of withholding his thoughts and feelings from me and I’ve become very resentful and lonely.”


Christine put it like this, “For a few years, I saw myself as saving Jake from his unfortunate childhood. His mom died when he was eight and he was raised by an alcoholic grandfather and passive grandmother. But after we had our second child, things became unbearable, like I wasn’t even in the room and he only responded to our boys when he absolutely had to.”

Because emotional withholding lacks the obvious and overt trauma of physical and verbal abuse, the distance between partners grows slowly over time, giving way to quiet desperation. Without the closeness and companionship of a successful and supportive relationship, the emotional center of the couple is all but missing. The spouse who is the object of abuse is left with fear, doubt and the inability to trust in their partner or their future together.

Fiffer points out that victims of emotional withhold are paradoxically “wish[ing] for the fight… because even a shouting match, an ugly scene, would involve an exchange of words, because even physical conflict would constitute physical connection, because fire, even if it burns you, is preferable to ice.” And like a pot about to boil over, the possibility for physical and verbal abuse naturally grows out of this condition of emotional neglect.


The fragility and anguish caused by emotional withholding is described eloquently by Fiffer: “Your accomplishments go unrecognized, your contributions unmentioned, your presence at best grudgingly acknowledged, and any effort at bridging the chasm is spurned.” Indeed, the desperate search for love in a loveless relationship leads to “pleading, begging, literally on your knees, apologizing for everything, offering things that are distasteful to you, promising to be better, just to re-secure your partner’s affection.”

Christine continues, “Sometimes it’s like I’m so desperate to get Jake’s attention that I will go to great lengths to get him to notice me – even shouting at him or threatening to leave.”

In the end, Fiffer asserts that “there’s only one way to deal effectively with a partner who withholds from you, and it’s this: You must make it clear that the relationship is OVER, FOREVER, if your partner does not start acknowledging you and communicating.”

While ultimatums and hard decisions may lay ahead, it’s plain to see that an emotionally healthy and stable marriage starts with fostering — and actively practicing — an open dialogue, expressions of love, and the kind of supportive give and take that can make your relationship a two-way street.


Now that you know the signs that your relationship is suffering or dying due to emotional withholding, here are six things you can try before giving up.

1. Stop criticizing your partner.

Talking about specific issues will reap better results than attacking your partner. It’s okay to complain a bit but criticism is a leading cause of divorce, according to Dr. John Gottman. For instance, a complaint is: “I’m upset because you didn’t talk to me about your problem at work. We agreed to be open with each other.” Versus a criticism: “You never tell me the truth. How can I trust you?”

1. Take responsibility for our own actions and ask for what you need in a positive way.

Ask for what you need in an affirmative way, such as “I know I’m not good at asking for support but I’d appreciate it if you’d help more with preparing meals.” Be sure to turn towards each other with good eye contact and body language rather than turning away (such as starring at a computer screen) when your partner is talking to you.

1. Practice managing conflicts as they arise.

Don’t put aside resentments that can harm communication. Experiencing conflict is inevitable and couples who strive to avoid it are at risk of developing stagnant relationships. Take responsibility for your part in a dispute. Avoid defensiveness and showing contempt for your partner (rolling your eyes, ridicule, name-calling, sarcasm). If you feel flooded take a short break and agree to talk later but don’t wait more than a day. During conflict, be sure to have five positive comments to every negative one.

1. Boost up physical affection and sex.

Try to double the amount of physical touch you have as a couple daily by hugging and kissing more, cuddling on the couch, and having sex more often. According to author Dr. Kory Floyd, physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone) that reduces pain and causes a calming sensation. It’s released during sexual orgasm and affectionate touch as well. Physical affection also reduces stress hormones, lowering daily levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

1. Practice a ritual of connection daily.

A positive activity such as giving each other a kiss on the cheek as you leave for the day can boost positive feelings. Also, going for a picnic, listening to music, or a daily walk after dinner can strengthen your bond. In The Intentional Family, researcher William J. Doherty says that a daily ritual is the surest antidote to marital failure.

1. Nurture fondness and admiration for your partner.

Remind yourself of your partner’s positive qualities — even as you grapple with their flaws — and express your positive feelings out loud several times each day. Search for common ground rather than insisting on getting your way when you have a disagreement. Listen to their point of view and avoid the stonewalling, which is shutting yourself off from communication.


A happy couple is free from the agony of emotional withholding. As a result, they are able to build and maintain trust, and acknowledge their fears of failure; hopefully viewing their relationship as a source of security and strength. They turn toward each other often and look for opportunities for emotional and physical connection to enhance intimacy and communication.

 

[RiverOL]

When Your Wife is a Bully​

I received a message on Facebook this morning from a man who is suffering in secret. He is part of a large-but-invisible fraternity to which he never wanted to be a member. He’s among the countless men who feel bullied or abused by their wives.



My wife Ashley and I talk openly about abuse in marriage, but the topic of abuse we typically discuss is the physical or emotional abuse husbands can inflict on wives. Most of the culture’s conversation around abuse follows this same narrative. Certainly, there are statistical and practical reasons to talk more about marital abuse against women, but we must also recognize that many men are suffering.

When a man feels bullied or abused in marriage, he often feels complex emotions which include pain inflicted by his wife’s behavior plus shame and isolation, because he feels like his very manhood has been stolen from him. For a man to confess to anyone that he’s being bullied or abused in marriage requires an enormous amount of vulnerability. There’s a stigma attached to abused men which can carry the unfair assumption that “If you were a ‘real man’ then nobody would be able to abuse you or mistreat you. There must be something wrong with you.”

ALL abuse victims (male and female) carry many complex emotions and hurts. Victim shaming certainly occurs in both genders and it needs to stop altogether. We must develop more compassion so victims of any form of abuse or bullying in marriage will have the courage to step out of the shadows and share their stories.


Every situation is unique and there’s a very broad spectrum of controlling and/or abusive behaviors, so it’s difficult to prescribe a one-size-fits-all menu of options. To create some specific categories, I’m going to outline four forms of bullying and/or abuse in marriage and offer some insight into each of these three. For the purposes of this article, these examples will all be directed to abusive wives and abused husbands. We have other articles and resources which talk about the reverse scenario of abused wives and abusive husbands.

Four categories of abusive and/or controlling wives and how to respond:

1. The Bullying (and/or Controlling) Wife​

The need to control usually stems from deeper issues. If you are a husband married to a wife who is bullying or obsessively controlling, the most helpful resource I could suggest as a first step is a book called “Boundaries” by Drs. John Townsend and Henry Cloud. You need to establish some loving but firm boundaries with your wife to let her know that her behavior is undermining the sacred partnership of the marriage and if it continues unchanged, the marriage itself is in danger of unraveling.

Know that in some cases, a wife who has a need to control or bully is herself dealing with emotional scars and/or physical health issues. Seeking counseling and medical help to rule out any underlying psychological, hormonal or physical issues might help solve some of the negative behavior. There are times when a wife is caught up in the habit of control and she’s blind to it. She doesn’t even know she’s doing it. Again, the book “Boundaries” along with marriage counseling could be a healthy way to help her see clearly that her behavior is hurtful.

2. The Physically Abusive Wife​

When any form of physical abuse is happening in marriage, a massive line has been crossed and immediate action needs to be taken to ensure safety. Unfortunately, there is a stigma most men feel that keep them from reporting this physical abuse, but men need to have the courage to report it. In admitting the abuse, a man isn’t becoming less of a man. He’s being more of a man by getting the help he needs and getting his wife the help she needs. Physical abuse is a sign that a marriage is out of control and can only be saved with intervention, so get the intervention you need.

3. The Verbally Abusive Wife​

When a wife’s words are a stream of negativity and criticism, it can make a man feel like his very soul is being crushed. In some ways, verbal abuse hurts more and leaves deeper scars than physical abuse. If your wife is spewing venom with her words, the book “Boundaries” I recommended above could help in this situation too. Counseling is also a good option. One piece of advice you may have never considered is to secretly record your wife and get audio and video evidence of her abusive words. Once you have the evidence, show it to her.

Don’t start a fight with it; simply say, “It hurts me the way you talk to me. I want to give you the benefit of the doubt in believing you don’t realize how you’re communicating to me, but here’s the hard truth. If you’re not willing to make changes or get counseling, I’m going to show this video to some of our loved ones and see if their intervention can convince you to get help. Either way, we’re not going to keep living like this.”

4. The Addicted Wife​

Often abuse is just a manifestation of addiction. Once drugs, alcohol or other substances have hijacked a person’s mind, that person has lost control. If your wife is addicted, get her the help she needs. By any means, whether it takes an intervention or driving her against her will to a place where she can get help, take drastic action. Ashley and I have written and spoken in much more detail on issues surrounding addiction in marriage and you can find those resources at www.MarriageToday.com

Here’s the bottom line, if there’s abuse or bullying of any kind happening in your marriage, don’t lose hope. Don’t settle for the status quo. Take action including the actions listed in this article. We are praying for you. Get the help you need.

 

[RiverOL]

[td] Messin’ With Your Heroes​ ​ ​

[td] Therefore be imitators of God—Ephesians 5:1​ ​ ​

[td] Really? Is it so wrong for us to emulate the life of another man or woman? Is it so wrong to hold another person up, as a role model? Well, the answer is (as it often is) . . . it depends. It depends on what exactly, in the person, we long to emulate. If it’s Christlikeness only—if it’s only how the person demonstrates Jesus Christ to us and to others—then, no, it’s not so wrong. We’re meant to be, for one another, physical examples of how to follow Jesus ever more closely. Watching another person move further into the character of Christ helps us move further, too. That’s how it’s supposed to work. The Apostle Paul wrote: “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). Too often, though, that’s not the way it actually works. Too often, we look up to men and women—and strive to emulate them—for the purpose of becoming more like them, and not more like Jesus. Too often, it’s worldly things that draw us in: a person’s success, their achievements, their talent, their career, their money, their power, their possessions. We men fall into this a lot. And the problem is the same whether the things coveted are secular or ecclesiastical in nature. We can lift any person too high: magnate or minister, entrepreneur or entertainer, priest or professor. We can lift them so high they begin to obscure Jesus.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Hero worship is a sensitive subject. We men like our heroes. And we don’t like people to mess with them. We must be careful, though, that no person (great though they may be) gets between us and the ultimate hero. Examine your heart. Wrestle with the issue. Discuss it openly with some brothers—and with God, in prayer.​ ​ ​

[td] [ 1 min read ★ ]​ ​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

Will AI Replace the Classroom Teacher?​

Imagining the Future of Education​

​

(AI Overview: copied and pasted 08/02/2025)​

While AI tools are rapidly developing and being integrated into education, they are unlikely to completely replace teachers in the classroom. AI can assist educators with administrative tasks, personalize learning experiences, and provide access to information, but it lacks the human elements of teaching like emotional intelligence, adaptability in complex situations, and the ability to foster critical thinking and creativity.

Here’s a more detailed look:​

AI’s Role in Education:​

• Administrative tasks:
  AI can automate tasks like grading, scheduling, and generating reports, freeing up teachers’ time for more meaningful interactions with students.
• Personalized learning:
  AI can analyze student data and tailor learning paths to individual needs and learning styles, providing targeted support and resources.
• Access to information:
  AI-powered tools can provide students with instant access to a vast amount of information and resources, expanding their learning opportunities.
• Support, not replacement:
  Most experts agree that AI is a tool to augment, not replace, teachers. It can enhance the teaching process, making it more efficient and effective.

Limitations of AI in Education:​

• Emotional intelligence:
  AI lacks the capacity to understand and respond to the nuances of human emotions, which are crucial for building relationships with students and fostering a positive learning environment.
• Contextual understanding:
  AI struggles to grasp the complex social and cultural contexts of the classroom, including student dynamics and individual learning needs.
• Critical thinking and creativity:
  While AI can generate text and provide information, it cannot replicate the human ability to think critically, solve problems creatively, and inspire students to do the same.
• Human interaction:
  Teachers play a vital role in fostering a sense of community, providing encouragement, and building relationships with students, which are essential for their overall well-being and academic success

Classroom Teacher vs. AI​

It’s me again (Beverly, not AI): So it looks like we’re not in danger yet–not completely. AI will have to find a way to supply the “human” factor first, and for now, it is still referring to itself as it.
The android character Lt. Commander Data in Star Trek: The Next Generation, a fictional representation of artificial intelligence, believed that he was “superior to humans in many ways,” but that he would “gladly give it up to be human.” The character once stated, “Mortality gives meaning to human life. Peace, love, friendship. These are precious because we know they cannot endure. A butterfly that lives forever is really not a butterfly at all.”
AI is not really a “butterfly,” either.
Over more than four decades, I have laughed with my students, and I have cried with them. I have celebrated with them in their successes, encouraged them in their failures, and sometimes disciplined them in their moments of bad choices.

I have stepped out of the lesson plan box to be spontaneous: to take my students out for a walk in the first snow, to address a moment of fear over a bomb threat, to inspect a turtle that wandered up from the creek, and even once, to safely catch and free a hummingbird that accidentally flew into the classroom, and sometimes, to pray for them. That doesn’t make me different from most other teachers.

It just indicates the exquisite humanity in most of us who choose the profession. It is the understanding and expectation that life can be beautiful or terrifying or challenging in a moment, and that opportunities to learn happen everywhere, everyday. That is what AI cannot do, at least for now.

God bless you!​

 

[RiverOL]

Four Stages of Faith and Conversion​

Scripture reminds us that faith and conversion are not just moments but a journey. There are at least four stages of faith and conversion, but I will hit on that later. The psalmist writes, “He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake” (Psalm 23:3). Abraham stepped into the unknown (Genesis 12:1), Israel followed God through cloud and fire (Exodus 13:21–22), and the disciples on the road to Emmaus felt their hearts burn as they realized Jesus was with them along the route (Luke 24:32). Paul says, “We live by faith, not by sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7), trusting that the God who began a good work in us “will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Philippians 1:6). As followers of Jesus, we are called to fix our eyes on him and walk the journey of faith set before us (Hebrews 12:1–2).

Four Stages of Conversion and Faith​

I’ve been following Jesus for some time now, and one thing I’ve noticed is that Christians, like individuals in almost every religion or philosophy, try to describe a pathway to growth or transformation. Whether we call it conversion, enlightenment, or discipleship, we long to name and map the journey in which what we believe becomes who we are.

Over the years, many models have emerged and helped us to think about how faith develops for the follower of Jesus. For example, James Fowler’s Stages of Faith, the Engel Scale, M. Scott Peck’s framework, and The Critical Journey by Janet Hagberg and Robert Guelich are just a few. There is also Brian McLaren’s Four Stages of Faith, InterVarsity’s 5 Thresholds of Conversion, the Discipleship Square from Mike Breen, and niche models like J. Robert Clinton’s leadership emergence theory, which all give us insight into the journey of faith from calling to conversion.


Looking at these alongside Scripture and the stories of Jesus’ closest followers, over the years, I have tried to take notes on developing a memorable and straightforward way of talking about the journey of faith for my work as a pastor, such as at River Corner Church, and to describe to those whom I walk alongside at Water Street Mission. The disciples’ time with Jesus shows us four clear signposts that I call the four stages of conversion and faith: calling, challenge, catalytic moments, and convergence.

I admit that I oversimplified the stages to avoid formulas and to make it memorable in the contexts I serve. It’s a framework for reference, not a metric.

A Note on Conversion​

When many of us hear the word “conversion,” we tend, for some reason, to think of a single dramatic moment. I believe that scripture reminds us that conversion is both a moment and a process. Some verses, like Romans 10:9, tend to point to a decisive confession of faith: “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Other verses point to a process, such as Romans 12:2, which tells us we are also “transformed by the renewing of our minds.” Different names have been given to these moments and processes, such as “salvation,” “justification,” and “progressive sanctification.”


As a pastoral leader, what I have noticed is that for some, the shift is certainly sudden—there is an otherworldly moment in which addiction flees, transformation happens, and Spiritual Authority is extended—but for many others, it’s a gradual process. I remember something asking me, “What was Peter’s point of conversion?” Over the years, I have asked others that same question, and it has led to friendly debates between the camps that have a canned answer for this. I believe, though, that even the disciples couldn’t always point to one moment of belief during their journey with Jesus.

They understood in hindsight more than in the moment, though they experienced conversion and Spiritual authority moments intertwined with their ongoing struggles with doubts and selfishness. To use Peter again, we have to admit that Peter himself wrestled through many layers of awareness, failure, and growth before his faith converged after the resurrection. Perhaps it was at the ascension, as they watched Jesus disappear into the clouds, that Peter finally got who his otherworldly Rabbi was. In truth, for most of us (like with the disciples), the journey of conversion is progressive, a lifelong unfolding as we learn more and more to say yes to Jesus, surrender to God the Father, and allow the Holy Spirit to transform our hearts and minds.

The Four Stages of Faith​

In the past few years, I have begun to formulate my notes on the Christian experience. Influenced by the many other models named above, and others, I have summarized the Christian journey in four stages for myself and the contexts that I serve.

• Calling: Like the disciples who first heard Jesus’ invitation, we experience a sense of calling. We feel conviction, respond to God’s voice, and begin to orient our lives toward God’s Kingdom. This stage focuses on building a relationship with God and learning the foundations of faith.
• Challenge: Sooner or later, our faith collides with difficulty. Doubt, disillusionment, and hardship unsettle what once felt certain. Some walk away here, while others try to hold on to earlier simplicity. But for those who continue, this stage deepens resilience and widens our capacity to trust God.
• Catalytic Moments: God often uses key experiences, relationships, or insights to spark growth. These moments are stretching and sometimes disruptive, but they bring clarity and fresh commitment. This stage is about integrating faith more deeply into daily life, not just holding on to belief but living it in practical ways.
• Convergence: In time, the journey through calling, challenge, and catalysts begins to come together with meaning and renewed purpose. We recognize how God has been shaping us all along. Convergence brings confidence, character, and a sense of purpose. Here, our faith naturally flows outward into service and mission. Like Peter in Acts, we discover that even our presence can influence others for the kingdom of God.

We don’t move through these stages in a straight line. Often, we find ourselves circling back, revisiting earlier stages before moving forward again. Some seasons we linger longer in one stage than another, and each return deepens our understanding. Calling, challenge, and catalytic moments often repeat in cycles, each time stretching us, shaping our character, and expanding the capacity Jesus gives us. Over time, these repetitions prepare us to step with greater confidence into the stage of convergence. Every story is unique, and how each person engages these stages will always be shaped by their context and journey. For me, just being aware of these familiar signposts—calling, challenge, catalytic moments, and convergence—we begin to see more clearly the ways God faithfully forms us.

Diagram 1: Four Stages of Faith and Conversion

Cycles Within Each Stage​

Each stage carries its own rhythm. Within all four stages of faith lies a fourfold path: awareness, acceptance, adversity, and adaptation. Awareness comes first, as God’s leading is revealed. Acceptance follows, embracing what accepting “it” means for life. Adversity then arrives, testing conviction and exposing weakness in our newly learned skills, and God whispers. Finally, adaptation emerges as life shifts into obediently living out the new way God is shaping in our journey, and the current stage.


Peter’s calling shows this rhythm in action. Awareness began when Jesus said, “Follow me,” and Peter realized God was inviting him into something new. Acceptance came as Peter left his nets and started to walk in the way of a disciple. Adversity soon appeared when expectations clashed with Jesus’ words and actions, his confusion on messanic expectations, leaving Peter uncertain of what following would mean as Jesus drove him behind him into surrender. Adaptation followed as Peter continued forward, slowly reshaping his understanding of Jesus and what the calling required.

Peter then made the same journey through the following two stages (Challenge and Catalytic Moments) until he finally realized who God called him to be as he stood up in Acts and delivered a compelling sermon at Pentecost.

Diagram 2: Four Stages of Faith and Conversion

The Role of Mentors and Community​

No one makes this journey alone. Jesus led his disciples step by step, moving from the stage of “I do, you watch” to “let’s do together,” and then “you do, I help,” until Jesus finally said, “I call you friends” (John 15:15). The first thing Jesus told Paul, after his divine enounter, was to find community and a mentor. The effectiveness of the early church was defined by a community that was invested together.

Mentors and spiritual friends are vital for the journey. They encourage us, challenge us, and walk alongside us as we grow. Communities of faith matter too, because each person carries different strengths. One may offer wisdom in finances, another in prayer, another in relationships. Together, the body of Christ helps us grow in a way no one mentor could on their own. In another post, I will explore how we need different types of leaders in each stage.

Closing Thought​

The four stages of conversion and faith are not a formula or a timeline. Everyone traverses back and forth through these stages. Some of these stages we camp out longer than others. There are many layers to an onion; each layer peels back, revealing another one. The journey through the first three stages is similar. We come around a few times through calling, challenge, and catalytic moments until we are converted a little more, until we have a deeper understanding of character and what capacity Jesus gave us.

As we understand that, we can hopefully traverse boldly into the convergence stage. Every story is unique. How each person engages each stage and what they learn in it is also contextualized to their story. However, by paying attention to these familiar signposts—calling, challenge, catalytic moments, and convergence—we can better see how God shapes us over time.


You may have noticed that I’ve used concepts that would represent theological ideas like conversion, justification, and sanctification somewhat interchangeably. The truth is, I am not a Calvinist. I see life as an ongoing invitation to say yes to Jesus. For some, that journey may sadly lead to walking away for eternity. Some stages might be too much for some, and they just quit. At the same time, I believe that there is a surprising salvific grace where many will be drawn into the vast, loving net of Christ. No matter how hard the journey, nothing can remove us from the hand of God.

As we continue to progress through the stages, we will grow in our security with Jesus and in the person God is creating us to be. To me, conversion is not a single event but a journey. Sanctification is also a journey. Both are intertwined with discipleship, as we learn—slowly and imperfectly—what it means to live and love like Jesus.

I admit that I oversimplified the stages to avoid formulas and to make it memorable in the contexts I serve. It’s a framework for reference, not a metric. You can debate them in the comments.

Wherever you are on the journey, may you find hope that God is at work in you, leading you ever closer to Jesus.

• Which stage—calling, challenge, catalytic moments, or convergence—do you most identify with right now in your faith journey?
• How have mentors, friends, or the community supported you as you’ve grown in faith?
• Where might God be inviting you to adapt, trust, or take a new step forward in this season?

 

[RiverOL]

[td] The 2m Radius Challenge​ ​ ​

[td] Now, therefore, thus says the Lord of hosts: Consider your ways—Haggai 1:5​ ​ ​

[td] God loves us with fierceness and tenderness. The scope of his love is shocking. It’s infinite, in fact—because he is. It burns bright and hot and true. We couldn’t ever plot it on a graph, of course—because no one could draw a y-axis that high or an x-axis that long; no page, no screen could ever contain it. But if we could plot his love, the line would be high and perfectly flat. It wouldn’t fluctuate over time. Not in response to our actions, our best or even our worst. Not even a little (Psalm 103:8; Lamentations 3:22-23). But He does tell us what kind of actions he most prefers, the kind that bring joy—to us and to him. And it’s less about hours logged in pews on Sundays or how many times we read through the Gospels. What regulates his joy—and ours—is how we treat people around us. It’s if we’re kind, and how well we notice and meet the needs of people in our close proximity. "Be easy on people; you’ll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you’ll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity" (Luke 6:37-38 MSG).​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Throughout your day, today, imagine a circle—one with a 2-meter radius, you at the center. Notice who comes into that circle. Learn their names. Treat them with care and notice their needs—friendship, mercy, love, hope—and consider how you might help meet those needs. (There’s nothing special about 2m. What matters is increasing intentionality. And, truly, a man could spend his entire lifetime just trying to meet the needs of people who’d come into his 2m circle—so, it’s a good place to start.)​ ​ ​

[td] [ 1 min read ★ ]​ ​ ​ ​

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[RiverOL]

Marriage Killer: The Cares of This World​

In the parable of the sower, Jesus discusses how the Word of God hits some people’s hearts. Some people bear fruit for God as a result. But others do because they exhibit “thorny soil”—soil that is choked out by the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desire for other things (Mark 4:1-20)



The issue of bearing fruit doesn’t only apply to the individual lives of believers, but also to marriages. Some men and women love God but their marriages are never great because they never bear fruit. Why not? For the exact reasons Jesus gave.

In this Marriage Builder, I want to single out the first main fruit-killer which Jesus mentioned, because it is one that affects almost all of us.

This marriage killer is stress, or as Jesus describes it, “the cares of this world.” We were not created to operate in stress. We were created to operate in peace. Marriages require emotional energy and stress robs us of that energy.

Have you ever had a particularly stressful day or week? Afterward, it’s hard for you to relate to other people, because you are worn out emotionally.

Bonding doesn’t happen because of proximity. You can’t just sit on a couch together watching American Idol. You have to interact. You have to get emotionally involved, and this becomes very difficult when your emotions are already worn ragged due to stress.

Because men and women deal with emotions so differently, the emotional side of marriage is hard enough to begin with. Add stress to a relationship and it becomes much an even greater challenge.


But stress doesn’t just hurt relationships emotionally. It damages them physically, too. The number-one sexual problem among women is inhibited sexual desire because of stress and physical exhaustion.

Being stressed-out is a sex-killer for both husbands and wives. That’s why couples tend to have the best sex when husbands help with the kids, or the dishes, or the housework. This is a turn-on for the wife because, among other reasons, it reduces her stress.

Stress can also be a health-killer. The primary reason for doctors’ visits today in America is stress-related illness. Stress even rubs off on our children, who intuitively know when their parents are stressed. Sometimes kids will even develop physical problems because they observe their parents’ stress and internalize it.

God did not create us to live this way. We are not supposed to be like those plate-spinners at the circus, who put so many plates in motion that, eventually, some of them begin to drop and break. When that happens, you have broken children, broken bodies, broken emotions, and broken marriages.

The rule for not letting “the cares of this world” affect your marriage is this: less is more. Are you trying to do too much? Have you taken on too many responsibilities at work, or even church? Are you putting your income or success above your marriage? Those are questions we need to ask and answer.


The best lives, and best marriages, will always be the simple ones.

 

[RiverOL]

Doubt Is the New Dogma​

People say this generation has lost faith–– in nearly everything, whether in God, in love, in institutions, or in the future. But I think Freya India gets it exactly right: it’s not that we lost faith. It’s that we never learned it.



Not faith in a narrow, religious sense (though that’s part of it), but faith as a habit of being. A disposition. A way of seeing the world. Erich Fromm called it a character trait—faith not as belief in something, but as a deep trust in life, in others, and in ourselves. And that’s the piece that’s missing. The young people I see every day weren’t raised in a world that fostered this kind of trust. They were raised in one that rewards doubt.

And I get it. Of course we doubt. Who wouldn’t? Every stable foundation we used to stand on—tradition, community, shared definitions of good—has been eroded or outright mocked. It’s hard to trust anything that lasts when everything around you feels disposable. Culture trains us to hold back, keep our options open, and never get too attached. And then we wonder why we feel disoriented and lonely.

It’s All Consuming​

Freya points out that our doubt isn’t just intellectual— it’s existential. We don’t just doubt doctrines or data. We doubt whether anything matters. We doubt whether being good makes a difference. Whether love is worth it. Whether we’re even capable of commitment or trust. We’re told to be hyper-vigilant, to scan for red flags, to walk away when something doesn’t feel perfect. And then we’re surprised that we can’t build anything that lasts.



What really struck me in her piece is the idea that we’ve become more afraid of being “trapped” by commitment than being enslaved by doubt. We train ourselves to walk away and call it strength. We guard our freedom at all costs. But freedom isn’t always strength. Sometimes it’s just fear dressed up in flattering language.

We used to worry that people would stay in toxic relationships. Now we’ve overcorrected—we’re terrified of staying at all. We’ve been taught how to run, but not how to remain. How to detect dysfunction, but not how to be loyal. We’re fluent in red flags but illiterate in grace.

And it’s not just relationships. The same script plays out everywhere. We doubt our moral instincts, second-guess our beliefs, and outsource our decisions to influencers, therapists, or AI. We scroll endlessly not because we’re curious but because we’re unsure. We’ve confused being informed with being wise, and we’ve confused skepticism with safety. And maybe, deep down, we’ve started to believe that staying uncertain is what keeps us from getting hurt.

Doubt Isn’t Safe​

But here’s the thing: doubt doesn’t keep you safe. It keeps you stuck. It doesn’t protect you—it paralyzes you. You can’t sacrifice, can’t serve, can’t love deeply if you’re always hedging your bets. You need faith for that. Not blind optimism, but the kind of steady, day-after-day courage that dares to say, “I’m not walking away. I’m staying. I’m going to see this through.”


Freya puts it beautifully: the people she admires most aren’t the ones who had easy lives. They’re the ones who endured loss, betrayal, hardship— but chose not to fold. People who kept showing up when every voice told them it was safer to bail. That’s not just admirable. It’s holy.

We’ve trained ourselves to flee anything that might require self-sacrifice. And then we’re surprised when we don’t know how to build lives worth living. Maybe what we need now isn’t more therapy or self-help or hot takes. Maybe we need to relearn faith— not just in God (though yes, obviously). However, in each other, we need to regain faith in the possibility of love and in the goodness of staying, even when it’s hard.

Because, in the end, doubt may feel smarter. But faith is what builds. That is what heals. Faith is what keeps the human story going. The devil rarely shows up with horns—he shows up with a whisper: “You can’t trust this. Walk away. You’re better off alone.”

And the only way to resist that voice is to start practicing the opposite habit. Faith. Not the naïve kind. Not the prosperity kind. The kind that stays when it would be easier to go. The kind that says yes again, and again, and again.