In step

[RiverOL]

[td] One Word to Start Over​ ​ ​

[td] . . . for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned—Matthew 12:37​ ​ ​

[td] Men sin. We all do. “If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us” (1 John 1:8). Fortunately, it’s not our sin that keeps us from God’s forgiveness. It’s our unwillingness to recognize it, to deal with it, which does that. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). We must, therefore, confess . . . and regularly. That is easier to say, of course, than to live. Confession is hard. Giving voice to words describing our sin is hard. We often think that just saying them, naming our sin, will somehow make it more real. We think naming our sin will put more of its taint upon us. Brother, it’s real. Its full taint is upon us already. And there’s no path to forgiveness and taint removal, except first through confession. But it’s not actually confession if we never say the words—if we obfuscate or talk around the sin. Naming it, simply and plainly, pulls it up and out of the tangle of denial and confusion. It places our sin in the open, where we can see it, where we can paint a target on it, where we can finally bring the power of the Holy Spirit and community against it.​ ​ ​

[td] Okay, so what do we do? Reduce your struggle with sin to one word: Pride. Self-centeredness. Hard-heartedness. Indifference. Resentment. Rage. Greed. Dishonesty. Lust. You choose your word. Be honest. Once you have it, say it aloud. Gather some brothers. Pray for courage, then go around, each man saying only their one word. Pray again, this time against the words spoken. When the time is right, go deeper and explain the meanings behind the words.​ ​ ​

[td] [ 1 min read ★ ]​ ​ ​ ​

[/td]

[/td]

[/td]

[/td]

[/td]

 

[RiverOL]

Lifelong Leadership Development​

Lifelong leadership development requires different skills. Let me ask you: Have you ever felt like there are skills that you have used in every job you have had? Are there a set of skills that you see being repeatedly used in different context and for different people?

The Bible teaches that God uses my gifts and abilities by letting me develop them in different ways and in different places. As one moves through life, God helps a person use and improve those skills so that they can be used to their maximum effect.

In this passage we see that Joseph is thrown into prison based on an accusation from the Pharaoh’s wife. Yet, while in prison God uses Joseph. Psalm 105 describes the circumstances with these words:

“He had sent a man ahead of them— Joseph, who was sold as a slave. They hurt his feet with shackles; his neck was put in an iron collar. Until the time his prediction came true, the word of the Lord tested him.” (Psalm 105:17–19, CSB)


It says that “God was with Joseph” a cue that God was protecting Joseph for a greater purpose. While one usually associates Joseph with interpretation of dreams as his primary spiritual gift, his primary ability was clearly organizational leadership. God stirred up the gift of leadership and organization in Joseph, even while he was in prison. He was the “Executive Pastor” to the entire prison ward, just under the Warden.

Notice some ways that we see this leadership develop:

God gives me the testing ground for my leadership talents to grow (Genesis 39:20)​

“and had him thrown into prison, where the king’s prisoners were confined. So Joseph was there in prison.” (Genesis 39:20, CSB)

Prison would not normally be considered a great testing ground to test the leadership talents of a person. The entire point of prison is that you must submit to the leadership of someone over you the entire time you are there. Yet, in this case, God gave Joseph the perfect environment to test his leadership qualities.

Incarceration as a Testing Ground​

Like Joseph, some have experienced preparation for ministry as a result of undeserved incarceration. John Sung, though not as well known as some of his contemporaries, was one of the great revivalists of the twentieth century. His pivotal role in the Chinese revival from 1927–1937 earned him the epithet the “John Wesley of China.” Sung was converted to Christianity as a boy and in his late teen years came to study in America. In a little over five years, he earned bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees, even though he had to work full time to support himself. At the same time, however, his seminary studies led him away from his childhood faith into the critical skepticism of his professors.


When John Sung finally took a step back and looked at who he had become, he realized that he was a person of doubt, not of faith, and that he had lost his love of the Lord. He recommitted his life to Christ and began preaching to his classmates and professors with a fervent zeal. As a result, they concluded he was mentally unstable, and he soon found himself committed to an asylum for the mentally impaired. For six months he was thus unjustly imprisoned with only his Bible.

This turned out to be a time of spiritual incubation that was instrumental in his preparation for ministry. He emerged with a strong resolve and fiery zeal that launched a decade of revival in China. He died of tuberculosis at the age of forty-three, just a few years before the communist takeover in that country, but his work can be said to have laid the foundation for the church in China to survive the dark days that lay ahead.

Wicked People as God’s Tools​

“Do you know why Satan is so angry all the time? Because whenever he works a particularly clever bit of mischief, God uses it to serve his own righteous purposes.”
“So God uses wicked people as his tools?”
“God gives us the freedom to do great evil, if we choose. Then he uses his own freedom to create goodness out of that evil, for that is what he chooses.”
“So in the long run, God always wins?”
“Yes”
“In the short run, though, it can be uncomfortable.”


There are testing grounds that God gives me to give me the chance to “kick the tires” of my leadership potential. The environments are generally not idea to the ambitions of the leader: small groups, people with no upward mobility, no chance to move to a better position. Yet, God still wants to use you, even if you are not destined to go to some grand place for leadership. God tests your leadership wherever you are.

God gives me favor with the right relationships (Genesis 39:21)​

“But the Lord was with Joseph and extended kindness to him. He granted him favor with the prison warden.” (Genesis 39:21, CSB)

Joseph can develop the right relationships with the right people to maximize his leadership potential. Here, we see that God helped Joseph by giving him “favor.” This is a word that means that Joseph was naturally able to build the right relationship with the right person. In this case, God allowed Joseph to build a relationship with the head warden of the prison.

God gives me a responsibility that fits my talents (Genesis 39:22)​

“The warden put all the prisoners who were in the prison under Joseph’s authority, and he was responsible for everything that was done there.” (Genesis 39:22, CSB)


Next, we see that Joseph is placed with a responsibility over prisoners. The warden was delegating responsibility to Joseph. Joseph was so talented in the warden’s mind that Joseph was given responsibility over everyone in the prison. Joseph had the run of the entire prison. In the movies, this makes it look like the prisoner is the “top dog” but in this case, it showcased the natural leadership talent that Joseph had.

God gives me the ability to allow my talents to flourish (Genesis 39:23)​

“The warden did not bother with anything under Joseph’s authority, because the Lord was with him, and the Lord made everything that he did successful.” (Genesis 39:23, CSB)

The key phrase here is that “the chief of the prison did not bother about anything.” This tells you how good Joseph was in his role. He was so good that the warden didn’t worry about how Joseph did the job. The warden gave Joseph free reign with his organizational skills. The warden knew that Joseph was good. As a result, the warden was wise enough to give Joseph the room he needed to get the work done.

This illustrates the effective leadership of the warden. He knew when to leave someone doing a good job alone. While the warden clearly showed some wisdom in how he worked with Joseph, God was the one who allowed Joseph to be successful.


We see later that God uses the supernatural gift of interpretation of dreams, alongside the natural gift of organizational leadership to prepare Joseph for the purpose of overseeing the people of Egypt during a time of crisis, to quote Mordecai “for a such a time as this” (Genesis 41:32-46).

God used Joseph and his lifelong leadership skills to be used for the proper time. He will also do the same with you as well.

 

[RiverOL]

4 Ways to Keep Romance Alive Even When You Feel Like You’re Dying​

I recently read an article that said childbirth is a bigger factor in divorce than infidelity.


You’re more likely to split up because you had a baby than because one of you cheated.

According to the Relationship Research Institute in Seattle, within three years of the birth of a child, about two-thirds of couples find the quality of their relationship declines.

Five years after the birth of a child, 13 percent of couples divorced.

What’s up?

You did all the work and​

You carried a baby for 40 weeks, you packed on 30 pounds, your tummy is now the shape of a deflated balloon and he wants to divorce you?

Are men just jerks and unable to relate to the changes women go through after childbirth?

Even when both parties are on board for babies, the article states, the reality of taking care of a newborn and raising children can sometimes lead to irreconcilable differences.

Raising a child definitely leads to differences. I’m not sure I’d call them irreconcilable.

Differences like:

• A change in priorities
• Both spouses feel unappreciated
• Mom’s sexual desire declines
• Most of Mom’s attention is dedicated to the baby

Differences that are to be expected after the birth of a baby.

A baby complicates life.

It’s a huge change. And most women start showing up a little differently in the marriage.

More tired. More frustrated. Maybe even a little resentful because her husband isn’t experiencing the same emotional, physical and hormonal changes she is. Life for him appears to roll as normal.

Except that his wife is more focused on the baby than on him.

And she might seem less fun.

Many woman laser focus on the kids and take attention off the marriage, which can leave him feeling left out.

“They’re just jealous,” one mom in the article hypothesized. “They can’t stand the thought of someone else taking their wife’s attention.”

That may be partially true. And natural. If his attention was focused disproportionally on work or sports or on anything other than her, she’d feel a little left out, too.

Being a mom to littles is exhausting. Some days you feel like you may fall over at any minute, which doesn’t do much for intimacy.

But keeping the flame alive while the sparks are small (or mid-sided or teenagers), will pay off in the long run.

Keep your marriage strong and healthy by:

1. Finding ways to make husband and wife time a priority. If things go as planned, you’ll be a wife much longer than you’ll be a mother to young children.
2. Teaching your children to respect your time with your husband. Everyone wants happy well-adjusted kids, and they’ll be happy and well adjusted when they see that Dad and Mom are priority in each other’s lives.
3. Carving out time to talk each week.
4. Making time for yourself. You’re much happier when you’re rested and refreshed.

I suppose you could blame a divorce after childbirth on the child. If she hadn’t had the baby, the relationship wouldn’t have changed.

Having a baby doesn’t have to be the last nail in the coffin on your marriage.

While caring for a child may take most of your time, it does not have to dominate your universe. Find ways to stay connected and emotionally intimate and reduce the chances of childbirth leading to a split.

 

[RiverOL]

Releasing Your Spouse’s Potential After Sin​

Sin is the ultimate destroyer of relationships. Not only does it make people do stupid and irresponsible things, but it distracts us from our purpose, dilutes the bond God created in marriage, and causes untold damage to families.

But if we live out the Ephesians 5 model for marriage—if husbands love their wives as Christ loves the church (v. 25), and if wives submit to their husbands as they submit to the Lord (v. 22)—we begin to disable our basic sin natures.


In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve did not commit the same sin. The way each sinned reveals to us the different sin natures of men and women.

Satan tempted Eve in the form of a serpent. God had told Adam and Eve they could eat of any tree in the garden except the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. This particular tree was off-limits, but it made Eve curious. Satan tapped into this curiosity with lies.

“God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened,” the serpent told Eve, “and you will be like God, knowing good and evil” (Gen. 3:4). Eve ate the fruit. Then she convinced Adam to do the same. Both disobeyed God.

Though Adam was with Eve in the Garden, Eve never took the time to ask his opinion, nor did she wait to ask God about it. She made this monumental decision on her own—and it forever changed her relationship with both Adam and with God.

Eve’s sin was one of prideful independence. She wanted to be in charge and to know as much as God. That dynamic is still alive today. A woman’s basic sin nature is to usurp authority, to take the reins and put helself in charge—even when she knows it’s wrong.


That’s what got Eve in trouble in the Garden, and it’s what gets families in trouble today.

What about Adam? He was likely somewhere close to Eve as she decided to disobey, yet he didn’t make any attempt to stop her. Then, when she offered the fruit to him, he gave in without a fight. Submissively, he relinquished the responsibility God had given him.

Adam’s sin was one of passivity, and it’s one that still plagues men today. God has charged men to lead their homes, to provide, protect, and initiate. Men are tasked with guiding the family, overseeing their financial security, shepherding their kids, and nurturing their wives.

Men aren’t to dominate their wives and children, but should be steering them toward holiness and godly living. But too often, men become passive. They don’t embrace their leadership role. The sin of man is to let others take charge.

I’ve counseled many couples whose marriage problems began when they let this kind of role reversal into their homes. These sins feed off each other.

But when a man follows the Ephesians 5 model, he leads his family and loves them as he should. When a woman follows this model, she respects her husband’s authority, encourages and respects him, and doesn’t tempt him to give that role away.


When one member of the marriage obeys God’s plan for marriage, it helps the other. That’s how the Ephesians 5 model helps disable the sin nature.