* ALL Questions about Relationships *

[Patriot]

What does the Bible say about asexuality?

Answer

Physiologically, asexuality is defined as “the state of having no evident sex or functional sex organs; sexless.” Typically, though, asexuality refers to a lack of sexual feelings. Jesus’ mention of “eunuchs” in Matthew 19:12 could be taken as a reference to physiological asexuality, but, for the purposes of this article, we will deal only with the lack of sexual attraction or desire. Is it wrong for a person to not have any sexual desire or attraction whatsoever?

What Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 7 is the closest thing to a biblical mention of asexuality. In verse 1 he says it’s good for a man not to marry. In times of singleness, without the constraints of family, a person can be available to be used by God anywhere and at any time. In contrast, in verses 2-6, Paul writes that marriage is good for those who have a deep passion for the opposite sex. Marriage allows those passions to be fulfilled in a godly way. Paul then makes it clear in verses 7-8 that he was, at that time, not married. God had given Paul the gift of singleness, the ability to be happily and contently unmarried. Does this mean Paul had absolutely no desire for sex and/or no desire to be married? Not necessarily, but whatever Paul’s desire, it clearly was not as consuming as his desire to serve God. Note – in 1 Corinthians 9:5, Paul perhaps indicates a desire to marry.

So, is it wrong for a person to have no desire to get married? According to 1 Corinthians 7, no, it most definitely is not wrong. Remaining single can be a very good thing, as it can free a person to have more time to serve God. Remaining single, though, does not necessarily indicate asexuality, that is, a lack of desire for the opposite sex. The gift of singleness mentioned in 1 Corinthians 7 is the ability to be content without marriage, not necessarily lacking any and all desire for marriage. If one has no desire for marriage/sex, and is confident that this is of the Lord, he/she should use the time of singleness for wholehearted service in God’s kingdom. It would not be wrong, though, to seek medical consultation, to ensure that the asexuality is not due to some sort of hormonal imbalance.

For Further Study

Authentic Beauty: The Shaping of a Set-Apart Young Woman by Leslie Ludy

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

I am in the process of getting a divorce. Can I start dating?

Answer

The question of dating during the divorce process is difficult to answer for several reasons. For one thing, the concept of “dating” as we know it today is nowhere mentioned in the Bible. Most marriages in Bible times were arranged, and any contact between two prospective spouses was strictly monitored. In addition, no matter what view one takes on the issue of divorce, it is important to remember Malachi 2:16: “‘I hate divorce,’ says the LORD, the God of Israel” (NAS). According to the Bible, marriage is a lifetime commitment. “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6). No decision to divorce should be made lightly.

There are three situations in which dating during the divorce process might occur. The first is the case of a spouse who has biblical grounds for divorce. That is, the innocent spouse has been abandoned by his/her unbelieving spouse or has been cheated on by an unrepentant adulterer. In either case, the innocent spouse is most likely in a state of emotional turmoil and vulnerability. Most people going through a divorce, even when it is not their fault and even when they have biblical reasons, are usually shattered by the circumstances and not in any frame of mind to be “dating.” People don’t usually make good decisions while “on the rebound.” For a still-hurting divorced person or someone in a painful divorce process to be dating is neither wise nor prudent. The abandoned spouse may indeed be lonely, but making clear-headed, godly relationship decisions in such a situation is difficult, if not impossible.

The second situation in which dating during the divorce process could occur is that of a person who divorces his/her spouse for non-biblical reasons. A divorce in this case, in the words of God, is due to “hardness of heart” (Mark 10:1–12). Such a divorce, therefore, is a spiritual failure and should prompt those involved to focus on the Lord and not on seeking to replace the one being divorced.

The third situation in which dating during the divorce process might occur is that of a person who causes a divorce, i.e., the “guilty” party in a divorce. All of the biblical allowances for remarriage after a divorce relate to the “innocent” spouse in a divorce with biblical grounds. There is no biblical allowance for remarriage for a spouse divorced for unbiblical reasons or for a spouse who caused a divorce, whether by adultery, abandonment, and/or other possible grounds. The Bible nowhere states that the “guilty” spouse in a divorce is allowed to remarry; therefore, he or she should not be dating.

Since the purpose of dating to find a spouse or to seek companionship with the opposite sex, biblically speaking, a married man or woman is not free to date, even if there is a pending divorce. Even the innocent victim of an unwanted divorce is still married until the marriage is legally or formally ended. Forging a dating relationship outside of marriage, even for those getting a divorce, gives the wrong appearance. The better choice is to abstain from any action that could endanger one spiritually or give the impression to others of a careless attitude toward marriage.

For Further Study

Divorce and Remarriage: 4 Views edited By H. Wayne House

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible

 

[Patriot]

What should I do if I cannot decide whom I should be dating?


Answer

The Bible does not specifically address this topic, but it does give us insight into what we should seek in a potential spouse. The first, and best, advice is to pray about it. God will give wisdom and guidance if you ask for it. “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him” (James 1:5).

Second Corinthians 6:14 instructs, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?” The first question to ask is whether the potential spouse is devoted to God. If he/she is not, that person should not be considered for a potential spouse. On the other hand, just because one follows Christ, that does not make him/her the right choice. Being “equally yoked” can also go deeper than just “Is he/she a Christian?” There are many different beliefs in Christianity, and this should be taken into account when choosing a potential spouse. Consider what marriage would be like with this person. Are your beliefs close enough that you can agree to teach your children the same doctrines? This is of great importance.

For men, it’s important to look at what a Christian wife is supposed to be. “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). Paul tells us that a wife is to be submissive to her husband, out of love. This does not necessarily mean that the girl you are considering a relationship with should submit wholly to you. In dating she is not obligated to. However, she should not have a rebellious spirit, but should submit to the authorities she is under, out of love. She should be willing to be led. Proverbs 31:10-31 tells us what the “wife of noble character” is like. She is hard working, generous and charitable, strong, and wise. You may not be able to find all of these traits in one person, but these are desirable traits and pleasing to God.

Another scripture describing a wife who is pleasing to God is 1 Peter 3:1-4: “Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” This tells us that a woman should be pure and living for Christ so that she can win a lost husband over without words. It also indicates that she should not be as concerned about outward appearances as she is about her spiritual life.

For women, there are a few illustrations of what a Christian husband is to be. Although the person you are considering a relationship with is not your husband, you should look for qualities that display this kind of love. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless” (Ephesians 5:25-27). Is he loving? Is he willing to lead people toward Christ and help them to be holy and blameless? Is he a leader? A man should love God above all else and be willing to help his brothers and sisters in Christ to strive to be holy and pleasing to God. He should be humble, wise, and merciful, just as Christ was. Watch for these qualities in a man, because this is what is pleasing to God.

You will not find a “perfect” person with all of these qualities, but God will let you see if someone you are considering a relationship with is striving to be pleasing to Him. Just as with any other big decision in life, relationships should be treated with caution, wisdom, and handled with discernment and much prayer.

For Further Study

The Ten Commandments of Dating by Young & Adams

The Quest Study Bible: Answers to Thousands of Your Questions About the Bible