Might as well join both of you in calling it quits.
Hotbot, don't worry so much. You looked for some diversion here over your problems. Hope you get over it. Your words indicate that your experiences affected you profoundly. The solution? Easier said than done: let go of the past and learn to live like the new malay: hardworking, thrifty, educated, family man, stable family. But when you managed to do it, you can be in a better position to help others.