Married for three years, hubby not keen to start a family

[MarrickG]

FOUR months after our marriage three years ago, my husband left to work outstation. I live with my family and he comes back fortnightly for the weekend.

I feel depressed and lost because my husband is bad-tempered and selfish. He doesn’t respect my feelings or advice and does whatever he wants. When I need him, he’s not there for me. We have lots of arguments because his friends, hobbies and family are his priority.

I’ve told him many times that I don’t want a big house or luxury car. I want a family with him and a caring husband. He promised to be a better husband but nothing has changed. He still enjoys going out with his friends and giving part of his hard-earned money to his parents and siblings, who are old enough to have families of their own.

I can’t say anything or he’ll call me calculating. He wants me to wait as he needs time to settle part of his instalments and save money. How long should I wait if he doesn’t have a proper financial plan?

He is not keen to start a family; he doesn’t think a long distance relationship is not good. Sometimes I feel like leaving him but my family doesn’t understand or support me. They say I’ve chosen this road so I have to accept it. They think divorce is a bad thing. All my relatives think I have a good husband.

I hate myself for not having the courage to leave everything behind. I’ve tried to read self-help books and find faith and hope in religious teachings. But I can’t be happy with a “lost” marriage and a family that doesn’t support me. My heart hurts whenever friends say they’re going to have a baby.

I can’t seem to trust my husband any more even though he says he loves and misses me. Should I give him more time to change? How can I make my family understand that divorce isn’t a bad thing?

Suffering Alone


IT is unfortunate that your family is not empathetic about your feelings as they probably believe you have a good husband. Your man appears to be a filial son, a generous brother and a loving, caring husband who is working very hard to get his wife the best in life. Sadly, no one is aware that you would like a home of your own, and children to fill it with laughter.

You are lonely and no one is listening to your heart. You dearly want your husband to share your days and nights, to hold and cherish. However, he believes that he should be the breadwinner, big brother, and friend to his buddies. He expects a patient, understanding wife who is quietly supportive of him. As long as he is a responsible husband he thinks you lack for nothing.

Perhaps you should plan on moving out if you feel your own family is suppressing your cries for help. You seem on the verge of giving up on your marriage but you are alone and afraid. If so, then you must have the courage to do something for yourself.

Suggest to your husband that you would like to move out and get a job. Be honest and tell him that you want a house and kids and are prepared to help out with the money. The commitment of buying a house also means that he cannot give away his money so freely.

Do not always feel that no one cares. Your family probably believes you are missing your man and this is just a period of adjustment in a long distance marriage.

Your husband loves you and has been trying to be a better spouse but he seems unaware that he is not fulfilling your needs and expectations. On your part, be less uptight about his spending money on his family and time out with his pals. Resentment, nagging and bickering will cause a wider rift and create tension between the two of you.

Instead of stewing in anger and disappointment, learn to create your own space, and time for yourself with friends and colleagues. Never depend on your man to give you everything. Your happiness will come from within when you feel fulfilled, contented and thankful for what you have.

Family cannot be expected to understand your emptiness when you seem to have so much. In any marriage or relationship, there will always be challenges and problems. But you need love to ride through this rough patch, so console yourself and give yourself hope.

Create the home of your dreams. Fill it with love and passion when your man is home, seduce him with tenderness so that he will consider a job close by. Do not give up so easily if you still love him.

But know that you can never change him overnight – or perhaps at all. Learn to understand him, persuade him subtly. When he is a father, he will be different and more conscious of his responsibility to you and his children.

If you cannot to cope with your unhappiness, divorce would be your last option.

 

[scoobyhoo]

why suffer alone? why divorce? can do FL to brighten your days and have extra incomes?

 

[Rogue Trader]

Cannot only listen to 1 side of her story only. Maybe she always nag at him untill he cannot tahan to be in the same room with her. Marriage and relationships is very complicated. Usually got more than 1 reason why it fail.

 

[KennyMGM]

Cannot only listen to 1 side of her story only. Maybe she always nag at him untill he cannot tahan to be in the same room with her. Marriage and relationships is very complicated. Usually got more than 1 reason why it fail.

Women come with this notion that when they get married, the MAN and his time is solely for their disposal. He must be caring, he must be attentive, he must be this and that. As if the man's life is solely for the purpose of pampering the woman and her whims and fancies. What is she.?..a freaking princess ?

Time for these women to grow up and out of their fantasies.

 

[bryanlim1972]

Women come with this notion that when they get married, the MAN and his time is solely for their disposal. He must be caring, he must be attentive, he must be this and that. As if the man's life is solely for the purpose of pampering the woman and her whims and fancies. What is she.?..a freaking princess ?

Time for these women to grow up and out of their fantasies.

disagree bro. When a Man CHOOSES (not the shotgun no choice kind of situation) to get married, he makes a commitment to his wife and New Family.

i don't think the woman in this case is asking to be pampered. but the Husband must be responsible enough to fulfill his role as man of the house. which is obviously more than just putting food on the table in today's modern society.

if a man can't fulfill the responsibilities, then he should not get married.

 

[Rogue Trader]

i don't think the woman in this case is asking to be pampered. but the Husband must be responsible enough to fulfill his role as man of the house. which is obviously more than just putting food on the table in today's modern society.

you are just reading what the woman write here. I think we cannot judge untill we hear both sides of the relationships. Why don't the newly married guy stay at home and be with the wife? surely there is more than we can know.
I am saying this because i see too many divorce case happening to friends recently. don't know why young people get married anymore in the first place. To move out and get their own place?

 

[Leongsam]

FOUR months after our marriage three years ago, my husband left to work outstation.

I doubt very much if many Singaporeans have the fortitude or resilience to work outstation. They are far to used to city life.

I'm willing to bet he's actually working in some big city or at least in an area where the usual material comforts are close at hand.

 

[KennyMGM]

disagree bro. When a Man CHOOSES (not the shotgun no choice kind of situation) to get married, he makes a commitment to his wife and New Family.

i don't think the woman in this case is asking to be pampered. but the Husband must be responsible enough to fulfill his role as man of the house. which is obviously more than just putting food on the table in today's modern society.

if a man can't fulfill the responsibilities, then he should not get married.

look at the woman's words..
" TAKE CARE OF ME "
is the hubby not doing that already ?
or what she mean is that he latch himself within her space and eyesigt all the time ?

 

[makapaaa]

Got $$$ palaces to live in and still refuse to breed? U Stinkies are funny! *chey*​

 

[no_faith]

this is the risk to take when you say "I DO"

 

[wikiphile]

show us her photo lah and we'll know why nobody want to start a family with her

 

[bryanlim1972]

look at the woman's words..
" TAKE CARE OF ME "
is the hubby not doing that already ?
or what she mean is that he latch himself within her space and eyesigt all the time ?

anyway this one people's domestic dispute.. i think we kay poh enuff already lah

 

[Watchman]

Why women always ending up in a bad relationship .

Are women making more bad choices these years .

Are there shortage of good men. Or are good men hoarding all the women ?

 

[shOUTloud]

Why women always ending up in a bad relationship .

Are women making more bad choices these years .

This is strange. One woman in one bad relationship means another man (her husband) in a similar situation as well. I do not think that Singaporean girls are being bullied that badly.

Women liked to talk about such thigns.

 

[VIBGYOR]

Ephesians 5:21-32 (New International Version)

21Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives and Husbands
22Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26to make her holy, cleansing[a] her by the washing with water through the word, 27and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— 30for we are members of his body. 31"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." 32This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

 

[bryanlim1972]

you are just reading what the woman write here. I think we cannot judge untill we hear both sides of the relationships. Why don't the newly married guy stay at home and be with the wife? surely there is more than we can know.
I am saying this because i see too many divorce case happening to friends recently. don't know why young people get married anymore in the first place. To move out and get their own place?

you're right that we need to hear both sides, and i'm sure there are many who DO in fact get married just to move out.

nonetheless, there are still girls in their late 20s who believe in fairy tale notions of happy-ever-after marriages. not that guys are blameless, but i'll leave that to someone else.

maybe cohabitation is the answer out. with same sex marriages being increasingly recognized, cohabitation hardly seems like a scandalous idea - if it can reduce the number of failed marriages.

 

[cleareyes]

if a man can't fulfill the responsibilities, then he should not get married.

More of a case of not blaming the woman to stray when the husband just wont fulfill at least the basic part of his responsiblity.

 

[eatshitndie]

I doubt very much if many Singaporeans have the fortitude or resilience to work outstation. They are far to used to city life.

I'm willing to bet he's actually working in some big city or at least in an area where the usual material comforts are close at hand.

outstation usually means he's having poontang outside. explains the lack of desire at home.

 

[halsey02]

I doubt very much if many Singaporeans have the fortitude or resilience to work outstation. They are far to used to city life.

I'm willing to bet he's actually working in some big city or at least in an area where the usual material comforts are close at hand.

You bet!, he must brought along his pillow, bolster & his stuff doremon.!!

 

[halsey02]

outstation usually means he's having poontang outside. explains the lack of desire at home.

Hate to say this, majority of 'AWARE" class SINGking woman, lousy in bed...