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SINGAPORE: The new Ministry of Social and Family Development (MSF) will re-examine public policies which aim to get Singaporeans to have more children and at an earlier age.
Incoming Minister Mr. Chan Chun Sing has indicated that his new ministry will adopt draconian measures to reverse the declining birth rate in Singapore. Citing the low birth rate as a national security issue, Mr. Chan declared that "Not one drop of precious sperm shall be wasted in Singapore". The new ministry will regulate sales of condoms and other birth control devices. Only homosexual men and very ugly women will be allowed to freely buy condoms.
Quoting from his Army roots, Mr. Chan announced that "All shooters will deposit their ammo into the target, no exceptions". Other measures to be adopted by his ministry include free compulsory medical treatment and counselling to premature ejaculating men, and men with erectile dysfunctions, even if they are Ministers like himself. Mr. Chan also said that the Ministry will consider legislating certain sexual acts if these measures do not work. These potential laws may include the banning of women from swallowing spermatoids, as well as the wasteful habit of depositing sperm in non vaginal areas such as the face, the breasts, the anus, and the mouth.
Mr. Chan said "I am confident once I have all these measures in place, the population will see a sudden spike in 9 months time." The new Ministry will also set up a toll free hotline so that loyal citizens can report any violations of these proposed new laws, with rewards given to active callers.
- CNA/wm
Incoming Minister Mr. Chan Chun Sing has indicated that his new ministry will adopt draconian measures to reverse the declining birth rate in Singapore. Citing the low birth rate as a national security issue, Mr. Chan declared that "Not one drop of precious sperm shall be wasted in Singapore". The new ministry will regulate sales of condoms and other birth control devices. Only homosexual men and very ugly women will be allowed to freely buy condoms.
Quoting from his Army roots, Mr. Chan announced that "All shooters will deposit their ammo into the target, no exceptions". Other measures to be adopted by his ministry include free compulsory medical treatment and counselling to premature ejaculating men, and men with erectile dysfunctions, even if they are Ministers like himself. Mr. Chan also said that the Ministry will consider legislating certain sexual acts if these measures do not work. These potential laws may include the banning of women from swallowing spermatoids, as well as the wasteful habit of depositing sperm in non vaginal areas such as the face, the breasts, the anus, and the mouth.
Mr. Chan said "I am confident once I have all these measures in place, the population will see a sudden spike in 9 months time." The new Ministry will also set up a toll free hotline so that loyal citizens can report any violations of these proposed new laws, with rewards given to active callers.
- CNA/wm
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