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I said yes for our future… now I owe 60k
GeneralI don’t even know how to explain this without sounding like I made a series of really bad decisions, but I just need some perspective.
About 3–4 years ago, I trusted someone enough to take out loans under my name for him. It wasn’t for anything flashy. The idea was to help him get a car so he could work and earn a living.
He couldn’t really hold a normal job because of his health (he had a stroke), so the plan was for him to drive and earn daily. His parents were part of these conversations too. They kept assuring me it was doable, that he would repay me bit by bit from what he earns, and it would eventually cover the monthly loan.
This wasn’t something I agreed to immediately. It took months of talking, convincing, and honestly… I’m the kind of person who struggles to say no, especially when it feels like someone genuinely needs help. After a while, it felt harder to keep pushing back than to just agree.
So I said yes.
But things didn’t turn out the way it was promised.
He kept saying he was going to work, but it never really happened properly. At one point he said he couldn’t handle being a Grab driver. Later on I also found out he was cheating, so while I was trying to hold things together financially, he wasn’t even being honest.
Repayments became inconsistent, then stopped.
And that’s where I made things worse for myself. I started taking on more loans just to cover existing ones. Just trying to keep things afloat, thinking maybe it’ll stabilise somehow.
It didn’t.
Whenever I raised concerns back then, his family would say this is something between the two of us, that they cannot be involved, and that I need to manage it. But at the same time, they were the ones who had earlier reassured me that this whole plan would work.
When everything finally fell apart, I didn’t get any proper closure. I got blocked. His family cut me off. And I was left to deal with everything on my own.
I remember asking him about repayments, and his response was basically that the loan is under my name, not his, that he doesn’t have money, so I should be the one paying it. It wasn’t even said nicely, it came with anger and vulgarities. Or he’ll just crashed out.
That was when it really hit me.
Now maybe he’s still not working, still dealing with health issues, and from what I know, he doesn’t have assets under his name.
I’ve spoken to a few lawyers and the general response has been the same; I can pursue it, but even if I win, enforcement will be difficult and I might end up spending more money.
So now I’m stuck here carrying close to 60k that was never really for me in the first place.
And I know people will say ‘just move on’, but it’s not just money. It’s the principle. It’s how easily someone can walk away and leave you with everything.
At this point I genuinely don’t know what makes more sense:
Should I still go through a lawyer just to formalise things, even if recovery is unlikely?
Or try a debt recovery agency?
Or is this one of those situations where I’m better off cutting my losses?
If you were in my position, what would you do?
Fight it for the principle, even if there’s nothing to recover?
Or cut your losses and rebuild, even if it feels incredibly unfair?
TLDR
Took out ~60k loans under my name for ex to help him get a car to work (he has health issues). Promised repayment plan didn’t happen, found out he was cheating, ended up taking more loans to cover existing ones. When I asked about repayment, he said the loan is under my name so I should pay it, and responded with vulgarities. Now he’s not working, no assets, family cut me off. Lawyers say enforcement may not be worth it. Should I still pursue legal action, try debt recovery, or just cut my losses?
