- Joined
- Jan 3, 2009
- Messages
- 2,605
- Points
- 0
The secret lives of cunning women.
This article describes how some women can be scheming, cunning and
dishonest without the man ever knowing or suspecting it.
My wife lost her cellphone the other day.
I wondered how long it would take before this became my fault.
Turns out, not long.
"When we were out the other night and you picked up my handbag from beside the chair, did stuff spill out of it?" she asked.
"No." "Are you sure, because ..." "Yes, I'm sure." "Well, could you go round there and check anyway."
So I did, and I hadn't.
I reported this when I got home, then thought I'd just double check her handbag anyway. Yes I know. This was a life-threatening move.
The cellphone's in the bottom, just under all our camping gear.
"Here it is," I beam, expecting many, many brownie points.
"You've just put it back in there haven't you." Sigh.
Venus, Mars, all that.
Sometimes I really don't know how their minds work.
But I'm learning. Slowly.
What I'm learning is that not a lot happens by chance in a woman's life. There's a lot of planning going on.
I didn't realise just how much until I shared an office with a group of them.
After a couple of months of me being in this same place with them, they seemed not to realise I was there. And that's when I overheard the depths of their scheming.
Now, men, when they achieve a masterstroke of purchasing outside normal household spending limits – like, for instance, buying an extra piece of sandpaper – they say nothing of it. To anyone.
They hide that piece of sandpaper in their little private place, and whenever they take it out, they find themselves looking over their shoulders.
Women are not like this.
Knowing the family budget is tight means not a thing. Hiding all trace of the extra spending is.
So, say, they see some shoes they like. (They see shoes they like ALL THE TIME).
There is no debate over whether to buy them or not. That decision is immediate. No, the planning is over how to get them into the house without the male partner seeing them.
One tactic then is to buy the shoes online – and have them delivered to work. Once there, there is some collective goo-ing and gaa-ing over them.
I sit in the corner, pretending to be invisible.
That night, said buyer makes sure she's home first, throws away all packaging, and puts the new shoes in with all her other new shoes. At this point she knows she is now safe. It is her mate who is now in a quandary. The first time he sees the shoes he suspects they're new, but she has so many, and what if they're not? He really should have commented on them ages ago. Besides, he doesn't know if they look good or not, so what's he going to say anyway. So he says nothing.
Ad Feedback
She's been watching all this of course. Reports it back to the girls the next day. There is much laughter.
Another tactic seems to be to ply the man with alcohol, then, just when he needs ONE more drink, she alerts him to some expensive item she's had her eye on for ages. Seems to work apparently.
Another is to buy the expensive thing, and then hide where the money may have come from. They go to some lengths to achieve this.
Asking for extra cash on the supermarket bill is one, and then throwing away the part of the docket where this is recorded. Another is writing out a few cash cheques, and cashing them with women they know who run businesses. This comes with an instruction of exactly when to cash them – the day after pay day usually.
I overhear a story of how one woman spent up large on the credit card and her husband was on the phone within hours.
"How did you know?" she asked.
"I've asked the bank to tag your card and email me whenever you use it," he replied.
So next day she was off to the bank to cancel THAT arrangement.
The teller was mystified. "There's no such thing." Brilliant. Small win to the Mars men. And how he actually did know? Well, maybe men have their secrets too.
And then something happens in the office and I don't know what to think.
One of them says she's thinking of buying something for her husband for his birthday, and she's asking me what I think.
Well, the thing she's suggesting is perfect. It's for his man cave. She actually seems to understand man caves.
I immediately get suspicious. Maybe she's the most genuine one of them all. But maybe, just maybe, she's the most dangerous. I should probably warn someone.
I ponder it for a while, and then decide on the best course of action.
I'll find another office.
PS: This article has been vetted by my co-workers. I'm not entirely stupid.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/timaru-heral...ook/4111578/The-secret-lives-of-cunning-women
.
Laugh it off fellas..you got no choice anyway !
.
This article describes how some women can be scheming, cunning and
dishonest without the man ever knowing or suspecting it.
My wife lost her cellphone the other day.
I wondered how long it would take before this became my fault.
Turns out, not long.
"When we were out the other night and you picked up my handbag from beside the chair, did stuff spill out of it?" she asked.
"No." "Are you sure, because ..." "Yes, I'm sure." "Well, could you go round there and check anyway."
So I did, and I hadn't.
I reported this when I got home, then thought I'd just double check her handbag anyway. Yes I know. This was a life-threatening move.
The cellphone's in the bottom, just under all our camping gear.
"Here it is," I beam, expecting many, many brownie points.
"You've just put it back in there haven't you." Sigh.
Venus, Mars, all that.
Sometimes I really don't know how their minds work.
But I'm learning. Slowly.
What I'm learning is that not a lot happens by chance in a woman's life. There's a lot of planning going on.
I didn't realise just how much until I shared an office with a group of them.
After a couple of months of me being in this same place with them, they seemed not to realise I was there. And that's when I overheard the depths of their scheming.
Now, men, when they achieve a masterstroke of purchasing outside normal household spending limits – like, for instance, buying an extra piece of sandpaper – they say nothing of it. To anyone.
They hide that piece of sandpaper in their little private place, and whenever they take it out, they find themselves looking over their shoulders.
Women are not like this.
Knowing the family budget is tight means not a thing. Hiding all trace of the extra spending is.
So, say, they see some shoes they like. (They see shoes they like ALL THE TIME).
There is no debate over whether to buy them or not. That decision is immediate. No, the planning is over how to get them into the house without the male partner seeing them.
One tactic then is to buy the shoes online – and have them delivered to work. Once there, there is some collective goo-ing and gaa-ing over them.
I sit in the corner, pretending to be invisible.
That night, said buyer makes sure she's home first, throws away all packaging, and puts the new shoes in with all her other new shoes. At this point she knows she is now safe. It is her mate who is now in a quandary. The first time he sees the shoes he suspects they're new, but she has so many, and what if they're not? He really should have commented on them ages ago. Besides, he doesn't know if they look good or not, so what's he going to say anyway. So he says nothing.
Ad Feedback
She's been watching all this of course. Reports it back to the girls the next day. There is much laughter.
Another tactic seems to be to ply the man with alcohol, then, just when he needs ONE more drink, she alerts him to some expensive item she's had her eye on for ages. Seems to work apparently.
Another is to buy the expensive thing, and then hide where the money may have come from. They go to some lengths to achieve this.
Asking for extra cash on the supermarket bill is one, and then throwing away the part of the docket where this is recorded. Another is writing out a few cash cheques, and cashing them with women they know who run businesses. This comes with an instruction of exactly when to cash them – the day after pay day usually.
I overhear a story of how one woman spent up large on the credit card and her husband was on the phone within hours.
"How did you know?" she asked.
"I've asked the bank to tag your card and email me whenever you use it," he replied.
So next day she was off to the bank to cancel THAT arrangement.
The teller was mystified. "There's no such thing." Brilliant. Small win to the Mars men. And how he actually did know? Well, maybe men have their secrets too.
And then something happens in the office and I don't know what to think.
One of them says she's thinking of buying something for her husband for his birthday, and she's asking me what I think.
Well, the thing she's suggesting is perfect. It's for his man cave. She actually seems to understand man caves.
I immediately get suspicious. Maybe she's the most genuine one of them all. But maybe, just maybe, she's the most dangerous. I should probably warn someone.
I ponder it for a while, and then decide on the best course of action.
I'll find another office.
PS: This article has been vetted by my co-workers. I'm not entirely stupid.
http://www.stuff.co.nz/timaru-heral...ook/4111578/The-secret-lives-of-cunning-women
.
Laugh it off fellas..you got no choice anyway !
.
