“I thought I was sacrificing myself for the world,” she said. “It wasn’t voices, but I thought it was real.”
Warning: Her description of what she did to herself and her injuries is graphic and disturbing.
I got on my hands and knees, pounding the ground and praying, “Why me? Why do I have to do this?” I later realized this wasn’t a personal religious calling — it was something anyone on drugs could have experienced.
Next, a man I’d been staying with, who happened to have a Biblical name, drove by and called out the window, ‘I locked up the house. Do you have the other key?’ A sign, I thought, that my sacrifice is the key to saving the world.
So I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye. I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket — it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Because I could no longer see, I don’t know if there was blood. But I know the drugs numbed the pain. I’m pretty sure I would have tried to claw right into my brain if a pastor hadn’t heard me screaming, ‘I want to see the light!’ — which I don’t recall saying — and restrained me.
He later said, when he found me, that I was holding my eyeballs in my hands. I had squished them, although they were somehow still attached to my head.
In the five weeks since, Muthart has started dealing with the repercussions of her self-inflicted disability. That included drug rehab and time at a psychiatric facility, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She said the diagnosis was a relief.
super happy, and when I felt down, I felt deeply depressed. The turbulence left me especially susceptible to drug abuse, my doctors later told me,” she wrote in Cosmopolitan.
Muthart is already learning Braille, and can be seen playing the guitar and singing in the video above.
More at https://sg.news.yahoo.com/teen-gouged-her-eyes-explains-174937473.html
Warning: Her description of what she did to herself and her injuries is graphic and disturbing.
I got on my hands and knees, pounding the ground and praying, “Why me? Why do I have to do this?” I later realized this wasn’t a personal religious calling — it was something anyone on drugs could have experienced.
Next, a man I’d been staying with, who happened to have a Biblical name, drove by and called out the window, ‘I locked up the house. Do you have the other key?’ A sign, I thought, that my sacrifice is the key to saving the world.
So I pushed my thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each eye. I gripped each eyeball, twisted, and pulled until each eye popped out of the socket — it felt like a massive struggle, the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Because I could no longer see, I don’t know if there was blood. But I know the drugs numbed the pain. I’m pretty sure I would have tried to claw right into my brain if a pastor hadn’t heard me screaming, ‘I want to see the light!’ — which I don’t recall saying — and restrained me.
He later said, when he found me, that I was holding my eyeballs in my hands. I had squished them, although they were somehow still attached to my head.
In the five weeks since, Muthart has started dealing with the repercussions of her self-inflicted disability. That included drug rehab and time at a psychiatric facility, where she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. She said the diagnosis was a relief.
super happy, and when I felt down, I felt deeply depressed. The turbulence left me especially susceptible to drug abuse, my doctors later told me,” she wrote in Cosmopolitan.
Muthart is already learning Braille, and can be seen playing the guitar and singing in the video above.
More at https://sg.news.yahoo.com/teen-gouged-her-eyes-explains-174937473.html
