Transmodified from hxxp://www.channelnewsasia.com/stories/singaporelocalnews/view/1254230/1/.html
PEASANTPORE: SMRT hapless Chief Lackey Desperate Quack wants to achieve a "zero defect" attitude to regain public trust in the company.
He however frankly admitted mishaps, cockups and breakdowns refused to slow down despite parachuting his former Mindef lackeys as train baboons.
He laments the company is still in a "fire-fighting mode" and he is spinning a "zero defect" attitude to fool stupid peasants.
He gave the public transport cartel a F grade in reliability and availability. He knows it is impossible to bring this to an A grade as soon as possible.
Compared with other international transport operators, he gave SMRT a D+ in carrying capacity as he believes he needs to learns from Nehs and Nihons who used sardine packing for their trains.
Laying out his lies to fool local peasants since he stupidly accepted the CEO job four months ago, Desperate Quack said on Thursday that SMRT is suffering from Lebsian Saw's past mistakes and he cannot be blamed for that Lebsian's gabras.
Desperate Quack said: "KNNCCB, fuck that Lebsian Saw for her incompetence, now I am fucked daily by No Porn Lui whenever SMRT makes it to the news for its gabras. How come my pastor never advise me never to accept any transport sector management role? I should have watch the lumpar 'Yes Minister' comedy. Transport sector boss job, sounds nice huh, its a fucking shit job, whatever you do, sure step on someone's toes.
"But I must tell stupid peasants and lumpar Netizens hor, you can slam or flame me as much as you want hor, but in contrast to regional basket case transport system, we not that bad ok. Of course, cannot be compared against Hongkis or Nihons ok. But I just want to say, we are definitely ahead of the Viets or Cambodians in terms of public transport. Huh, Northern Matland and Southern Indoland got public transport meh? They probably be declaring Jihad soon."
Desperate Quack aims to place profits first and commuters last since he knows it is a fruitless job to make everyone happy. He will enhance their travelling experience for foreigners by investing in more foreign (read Pinoy) service ambassadors to crack dirty jokes during hotline calls. He will continue to improve retail space at station and interchange infrastructure as they are major money spinners.
The least priority is boosting operational performance by ensuring the system remains unsafe and unreliable with lesser maintenance as it costs money, cash that is better off in Ho Jinx's pot.
The bus cartel has political support since Tarman will allocate more taxpayers' dollars as bailouts disguised as state funded bus purchases.
For example, new trains will be bought with Tarman's 1 billion peanuts Red Packet while older ones dismantled as scrap metal in the coming years. By 2016, the train fleet for the ageing North-South and East-West Lines will be increased to 163 trains with chums' setting up shell companies as middlemen.
Wayang work to improve on the signalling system will begin in June this year but a team has been dispatched to learn from Nehs and Nihons to study sardine packing.
4,000 to 5,000 timber sleepers that are wrongly blamed will be changed by shell companies headed by grassroot lackeys. A technical advisory panel will also be set up to take the blame on future breakdowns. Wise peasants will understand this trick if they realise LTA is the whipping boy for the Ministry of Transport.
As for customer service, Desperate Quack said every full moon, SMRT lackeys send to itself about 1,000 sham compliments, compared to 100 complaints from local peasants.
One way to improve will be to empower service ambassadors to ignore complaints.
As for staff welfare, there are plans to benchmark stipends to third world standards for the rank and file but fat cats like himself will be exempted. Their pay will be pegged to regime Minions.
The headcount of serfs working with buses and trains will also grow by about 10 per cent this year since the White Lies calls for hiring more foreign serfs.
As such, Desperate Quack hinted since fare hikes are getting harder with Erection losses, SMRT will rely on regular bailouts from the Finance Ministry.
Despite criticism for pursuing retail opportunities, Desperate Quack said the cartel will up the ante for commercial business to generate more simple profits.
Quack said the commercial arm of the cartel is similar to Ang Pais in KTV joints. Ang Pais makes up less than two per cent of the headcount in KTV lounges but they generate more than 50 per cent of the sleazy KTV sector's profits.
He said SMRT will learn from dodgy KTV lounges and keep reward its retail arm like the way Mamasans piles favours on Ang Pais.
Desperate Quack said: "You go to any KTV lounge, you see shrewd Mamasan without MBAs can take home 6 figure income annually if they have the correct number of Ang Pais. Similarly we need to retain expertise at rent extraction from our retail arm.
"It is no brainer that a listed company go after growth and profits. I rather please our majority shareholder, Ho Jinx ok. Fuck the local peasants, if necessary..."
Desperate Quack said SMRT is currently discussing with regime lackeys on regular bailouts annually from the budget cake. He proposed to adopt Yankee Earmarks Model to ensure taxpayers' help pay for additional buses and trains.
PEASANTPORE: SMRT hapless Chief Lackey Desperate Quack wants to achieve a "zero defect" attitude to regain public trust in the company.
He however frankly admitted mishaps, cockups and breakdowns refused to slow down despite parachuting his former Mindef lackeys as train baboons.
He laments the company is still in a "fire-fighting mode" and he is spinning a "zero defect" attitude to fool stupid peasants.
He gave the public transport cartel a F grade in reliability and availability. He knows it is impossible to bring this to an A grade as soon as possible.
Compared with other international transport operators, he gave SMRT a D+ in carrying capacity as he believes he needs to learns from Nehs and Nihons who used sardine packing for their trains.
Laying out his lies to fool local peasants since he stupidly accepted the CEO job four months ago, Desperate Quack said on Thursday that SMRT is suffering from Lebsian Saw's past mistakes and he cannot be blamed for that Lebsian's gabras.
Desperate Quack said: "KNNCCB, fuck that Lebsian Saw for her incompetence, now I am fucked daily by No Porn Lui whenever SMRT makes it to the news for its gabras. How come my pastor never advise me never to accept any transport sector management role? I should have watch the lumpar 'Yes Minister' comedy. Transport sector boss job, sounds nice huh, its a fucking shit job, whatever you do, sure step on someone's toes.
"But I must tell stupid peasants and lumpar Netizens hor, you can slam or flame me as much as you want hor, but in contrast to regional basket case transport system, we not that bad ok. Of course, cannot be compared against Hongkis or Nihons ok. But I just want to say, we are definitely ahead of the Viets or Cambodians in terms of public transport. Huh, Northern Matland and Southern Indoland got public transport meh? They probably be declaring Jihad soon."
Desperate Quack aims to place profits first and commuters last since he knows it is a fruitless job to make everyone happy. He will enhance their travelling experience for foreigners by investing in more foreign (read Pinoy) service ambassadors to crack dirty jokes during hotline calls. He will continue to improve retail space at station and interchange infrastructure as they are major money spinners.
The least priority is boosting operational performance by ensuring the system remains unsafe and unreliable with lesser maintenance as it costs money, cash that is better off in Ho Jinx's pot.
The bus cartel has political support since Tarman will allocate more taxpayers' dollars as bailouts disguised as state funded bus purchases.
For example, new trains will be bought with Tarman's 1 billion peanuts Red Packet while older ones dismantled as scrap metal in the coming years. By 2016, the train fleet for the ageing North-South and East-West Lines will be increased to 163 trains with chums' setting up shell companies as middlemen.
Wayang work to improve on the signalling system will begin in June this year but a team has been dispatched to learn from Nehs and Nihons to study sardine packing.
4,000 to 5,000 timber sleepers that are wrongly blamed will be changed by shell companies headed by grassroot lackeys. A technical advisory panel will also be set up to take the blame on future breakdowns. Wise peasants will understand this trick if they realise LTA is the whipping boy for the Ministry of Transport.
As for customer service, Desperate Quack said every full moon, SMRT lackeys send to itself about 1,000 sham compliments, compared to 100 complaints from local peasants.
One way to improve will be to empower service ambassadors to ignore complaints.
As for staff welfare, there are plans to benchmark stipends to third world standards for the rank and file but fat cats like himself will be exempted. Their pay will be pegged to regime Minions.
The headcount of serfs working with buses and trains will also grow by about 10 per cent this year since the White Lies calls for hiring more foreign serfs.
As such, Desperate Quack hinted since fare hikes are getting harder with Erection losses, SMRT will rely on regular bailouts from the Finance Ministry.
Despite criticism for pursuing retail opportunities, Desperate Quack said the cartel will up the ante for commercial business to generate more simple profits.
Quack said the commercial arm of the cartel is similar to Ang Pais in KTV joints. Ang Pais makes up less than two per cent of the headcount in KTV lounges but they generate more than 50 per cent of the sleazy KTV sector's profits.
He said SMRT will learn from dodgy KTV lounges and keep reward its retail arm like the way Mamasans piles favours on Ang Pais.
Desperate Quack said: "You go to any KTV lounge, you see shrewd Mamasan without MBAs can take home 6 figure income annually if they have the correct number of Ang Pais. Similarly we need to retain expertise at rent extraction from our retail arm.
"It is no brainer that a listed company go after growth and profits. I rather please our majority shareholder, Ho Jinx ok. Fuck the local peasants, if necessary..."
Desperate Quack said SMRT is currently discussing with regime lackeys on regular bailouts annually from the budget cake. He proposed to adopt Yankee Earmarks Model to ensure taxpayers' help pay for additional buses and trains.
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