Dating Downwards, what it is really like
(Inspired by a tiktok I watched of a guy mentioning that “Men are more likely to date down than women”)Dating down generally means dating someone of lesser “caliber” than you. In this day and age, it generally means lesser earning power or less educated (since social status isn’t a thing anymore…right?).
First of all, I am not dissing my boyfriend, it is a fact that I dated downwards since we are talking about earning power, education. I won’t explicitly comment on him but laying it all out - I am of a “better standing” I guess.
Here is my experience from dating down.
Growing up in an average family who wanted a good life for me, I was taught I needed a good husband who goes to the big 3 university and has XX or YY and whatever in between, earn at least above XX amount, be ambitious enough and wtv.
Instead of going along with whatever my parents wanted me to have; I came up with just 1 trait I wanted my man to have.
He needs to WANT to be a provider. Its that simple.
To me a provider signals a few things :
He is generous
He is responsible
He values family
Ultimately, you have someone who WANTS to take care of you
Girl friends around me dated sales, doctors, big firm accountants and some are happy. Among them, many looked at me with squinted eyes of “are you sure you want to date him?”.
( Read: Persistence in chasing the girl - to understand how much work he put to chase me)
When we officially started the relationship he was upfront about his income and I lied about mine (I earn almost double of his, btw my pay is average for uni, and I didn’t want him to feel emasculated - my worries were for nothing cause he didn’t…lol). He assured me that although for now - all he can provide is caipng with occasional Genki sushi and dates, he will work harder to give me that good life he envisioned me to have.
I like the sound of that and he makes me laugh so we begin our relationship.
I took him to a few fancy places on occasion because I could afford it but he still end up swallowing the bill even though by this time he already knew how much I am earning (secretly paying while I am away, transferring me the sum I have transferred him etc).
I would always assure him that it is ok and that I could get the bill and he just need to treat me to fancy places next time but this man - refused. In fact, him getting the bill made him more motivated to do better in life because he needs to keep up with the “new standard of living”.
It took him 1 year to reach the same standing as me. 1 year to double his earning power. Its amazing what this man can do.
On top of being able to provide for me today, he is still humble, down to earth and extremely kind to my mother (my mother hated him initially because she believe I could do so much better, today she realise he is really the best there could ever be).
Heres the thing ladies, just because you are dating upwards doesn’t mean that he will be willing to give you the world. The best example I have heard of was this quote:
“You picked him because he gave you $20 and I gave you $10. But $10 was all I had and he had more than $20”.
And its true, he has $100 he gives me $100, he has $10,000 he gives me $10,000. He truly gives his all.
It doesn’t matter if you are dating a lawyer or a doctor or someone with no degree - what really matters (imo) is the mindset, character and attitude. I hate to say this but really - find someone who loves you, someone who is dedicated, persistent and…funny.
You could have this entire list of requirements ie. The guy needs to be from a rich family, having a car, a minimum income wtv - but will you really be happy?
So what if I am not dating someone from a big MNCs, he truly gave me everything - he set his eyes on me and went with it, I liked that and I have honestly never been happier.
Dating downwards? In my experience, it was and still is better than when I dated laterally (lol)
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REAL TALK THOUGH: Money is still important ok, love can’t buy you caipng or chicken rice - so if you are dating a loving but crusty guy who can’t and don’t want to make a living, I am calling that a bull…unless you earn enough for both???
