See everyone? Filthy Malaysians believe others to be filthy because they are filthy themselves.true, and I also believe that the earth is flat - and i'm not deranged
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Serious Sinkie Couple With 7 Kids Need $3000 A Month! Guess Race And Religion!
- Thread starter JohnTan
- Start date
See everyone? Pretentious Malaysians think others like to pretend because they are pretentious themselves.
I love to die a virgin just like Tesla and Newton.
virginity used to be a prized possession. no longer. it's now a liability and must be disposed of like properties in jb.
See everyone? That’s how fake Malaysian dogs are say he believes but have been harassing me slut whore mistress non stop.Same here. Hence her weirdo temperament and bipolar extremities with cognitive dissonance affliction made worse by her Targeted Individual syndrome from her Johore experience
Ya I wish to get rid of jb property too. In fact I wish I have never stepped into jb! Virginity is of course not a prized possession for old people.
See everyone? Lie busted so fast. Say one thing and act another that is Malaysian.
no worry and anxiety for jb property if can't sell. can live there during elderly years to keep virginity intact until dying days. just have to put up with firecrackers as jiuhukia celebrate and keep their precious jobs as cooks and hawkers.
Hey not just cooks and hawkers, lorry drivers also another job reserved for Malaysians only. I read that in their Malaysian newspapers last time. So any errant lorry driver on JB road or Singapore roads means MALAYSIAN as long as Malaysian plate lorry!
gin(ni) should have an sextra, oops sorry extra, room in jb.
I do not intend to sow wild oats....I am gay, gay as a lark!.
This is a self masturbation article on the wonders of having a big family,,trying to sugar coat shit instead of calling a spade a spade whereby its nothing but irresponsible breeding.
Commentary: Raising 7 children on S$3,000 a month in Singapore, and a tale of constructive parenting
The Hengs’ story offer us a rare glimpse into what family life with more children looks like – but the story isn’t one of irresponsible parenting, says one psychotherapist.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Trying to organise everyone for a family outing is a feat in itself, in the big-sized Heng family.
By Foo Koong Hean
27 Jun 2018 06:29AM (Updated: 27 Jun 2018 06:30AM)
Share this content
SINGAPORE: Bringing up a family of seven children in Singapore on a budget of S$3,000 a month is scary and unthinkable for many.
It’s no wonder many view this choice the Hengs have made with sceptism and as irresponsible parenting.
Why? In general, most Singaporean households gun for a small family size of three children or fewer to ensure maximum parental effort and optimal growth in each of their children given rising costs of living.
Just as lower student-to-teacher ratios are often cited as ingredients to a successful education system, conventional wisdom suggests that smaller families lead to greater resources and more parental support being devoted to each child, with less sibling rivalry as a result.
If parents dedicate effort to developing each of their children, to help them understand themselves, the people around them and the world better, and nurture strong values and virtues that put them in good stead to lead a fulfilling life, having less makes sense.
But in a competitive country like Singapore, the problem is that most couples have less kids because they do not believe their children can succeed in a hyper-competitive society without constant intervention and frequent tending to.
Advertisement
Helicopter parenting creates a larger vicious cycle for it produces a population of sheltered adults dependent on someone else swooping in to save them when they meet with new challenges.
They may become self-centred people who put themselves first, and live with a sense of entitlement.
READ: Smaller families in Singapore, leading to unhealthy parenting styles, a commentary.
h
When 1 or 2 kids is enough for most couples today - imagine raising 7, as the Hengs are doing. On The Red Dot looks at life in Singapore's rare big families, in the series Full House.
WHY DO WE WANT CHILDREN?
Perhaps it all boils down to the reasons why couples want children.
Gone are the days when a bigger family size means more help with the business but many still see children as a natural milestone in life’s passage.
Worse are those who have a child and flaunt every event and occurrence of their growth on social media, suggesting that they had some part to play and achieved something great as a parent.
It seems clear that the Hengs wanted more kids than most because they love bringing up their children - why is this any less virtuous of a reason to have children?
It seems to me unfair for netizens to criticise the Hengs and label their very personal decision as a couple to have more children as a bane on society, after the Hengs revealed that they rely on help from the grandparents and a bit of government assistance.
It is also unfortunate that readers see having many children as evidence of a conspicuous lack of self-control where the couple has taken huge steps to look after their children and make family their priority.
Just a few decades earlier, having many children was the norm. Many of my parent’s generation come from big families and when asked how they coped, would shrug and say they had help from neighbours, friends and the government.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
A family walking in Singapore. (Photo: Gaya Chandramohan)
HAVING MORE CHILDREN HAS INHERENT BENEFITS
In my study of large families as a psychotherapist, raising large families is not as expensive as one imagines – because of the economies of scale as each child helps out their parents and each other in their later ages. Clothes, toys and school books are handed down. Admission into the same primary school helps with the logistics.
In turn, huge families like the Hengs themselves benefit because they and their children practise good values like saving on food and necessities, learning to ask for help from others, and growing a sense of independence while nurturing relationships with each other.
Much as having more children might not allow you to hover around your child to produce that outstanding but solitary genius, being in a bigger family can teach us all the value of sharing, of delayed gratification, the impact of the choices we make and to think outside the box.
Studies have also shown that having more siblings lead to children who have stronger soft skills and higher emotional intelligence. They are also more active, less obese and enjoy better mental health.
All this is not to say the Hengs don’t have their daily dose of family soap operas. Challenges will remain as the Hengs figure out how to iron issues out as they arise, help their children cope with each of life’s varied challenges as they grow older, and coach their older children to care for their younger siblings.
One certainly hopes that the Heng have long-term employment that allows them to feed their family and spend time with their children but there isn’t a need to focus solely on parenting even in a big family.
My view is that the Hengs’ approach to let their children grow up on their own with necessary but minimal support from parents is a constructive form of parenting. Parents need to provide basic food and shelter, finance and coaching for basic education but the rest should be left up to our children themselves to find their way through life.
What is more important than the amount of time and effort that a parent can devote to a child is how they raise their children.
Do they allow each child to grow and encourage them to define themselves as individuals who live by their own standards in life? Do they encourage independence early and the value of working with others as they get older?
Do they imbue in their kids a set of family rituals and virtues that puts them in good stead for the future?
Do they help their children see value in building strong, healthy relationships with their brothers and sisters instead of shutting off and engaging in social media, computer games and other forms of materialism?
The Hengs’ story offers us a rare glimpse into what family life with more children looks like – but it isn’t one of irresponsible parenting.
Dr Foo Koong Hean is an adjunct senior lecturer at James Cook University. His book Negotiation Parenting: Or how not to Raise a Brat in Today’s Complex World was published in 2015.
Read more at https://www.channelnewsasia.com/new...ven-children-healthy-happy-parenting-10470786
Commentary: Raising 7 children on S$3,000 a month in Singapore, and a tale of constructive parenting
The Hengs’ story offer us a rare glimpse into what family life with more children looks like – but the story isn’t one of irresponsible parenting, says one psychotherapist.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Trying to organise everyone for a family outing is a feat in itself, in the big-sized Heng family.
By Foo Koong Hean
27 Jun 2018 06:29AM (Updated: 27 Jun 2018 06:30AM)
Share this content
SINGAPORE: Bringing up a family of seven children in Singapore on a budget of S$3,000 a month is scary and unthinkable for many.
It’s no wonder many view this choice the Hengs have made with sceptism and as irresponsible parenting.
Why? In general, most Singaporean households gun for a small family size of three children or fewer to ensure maximum parental effort and optimal growth in each of their children given rising costs of living.
Just as lower student-to-teacher ratios are often cited as ingredients to a successful education system, conventional wisdom suggests that smaller families lead to greater resources and more parental support being devoted to each child, with less sibling rivalry as a result.
If parents dedicate effort to developing each of their children, to help them understand themselves, the people around them and the world better, and nurture strong values and virtues that put them in good stead to lead a fulfilling life, having less makes sense.
But in a competitive country like Singapore, the problem is that most couples have less kids because they do not believe their children can succeed in a hyper-competitive society without constant intervention and frequent tending to.
Advertisement
Helicopter parenting creates a larger vicious cycle for it produces a population of sheltered adults dependent on someone else swooping in to save them when they meet with new challenges.
They may become self-centred people who put themselves first, and live with a sense of entitlement.
READ: Smaller families in Singapore, leading to unhealthy parenting styles, a commentary.
h
When 1 or 2 kids is enough for most couples today - imagine raising 7, as the Hengs are doing. On The Red Dot looks at life in Singapore's rare big families, in the series Full House.
WHY DO WE WANT CHILDREN?
Perhaps it all boils down to the reasons why couples want children.
Gone are the days when a bigger family size means more help with the business but many still see children as a natural milestone in life’s passage.
Worse are those who have a child and flaunt every event and occurrence of their growth on social media, suggesting that they had some part to play and achieved something great as a parent.
It seems clear that the Hengs wanted more kids than most because they love bringing up their children - why is this any less virtuous of a reason to have children?
It seems to me unfair for netizens to criticise the Hengs and label their very personal decision as a couple to have more children as a bane on society, after the Hengs revealed that they rely on help from the grandparents and a bit of government assistance.
It is also unfortunate that readers see having many children as evidence of a conspicuous lack of self-control where the couple has taken huge steps to look after their children and make family their priority.
Just a few decades earlier, having many children was the norm. Many of my parent’s generation come from big families and when asked how they coped, would shrug and say they had help from neighbours, friends and the government.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
A family walking in Singapore. (Photo: Gaya Chandramohan)
HAVING MORE CHILDREN HAS INHERENT BENEFITS
In my study of large families as a psychotherapist, raising large families is not as expensive as one imagines – because of the economies of scale as each child helps out their parents and each other in their later ages. Clothes, toys and school books are handed down. Admission into the same primary school helps with the logistics.
In turn, huge families like the Hengs themselves benefit because they and their children practise good values like saving on food and necessities, learning to ask for help from others, and growing a sense of independence while nurturing relationships with each other.
Much as having more children might not allow you to hover around your child to produce that outstanding but solitary genius, being in a bigger family can teach us all the value of sharing, of delayed gratification, the impact of the choices we make and to think outside the box.
Studies have also shown that having more siblings lead to children who have stronger soft skills and higher emotional intelligence. They are also more active, less obese and enjoy better mental health.
All this is not to say the Hengs don’t have their daily dose of family soap operas. Challenges will remain as the Hengs figure out how to iron issues out as they arise, help their children cope with each of life’s varied challenges as they grow older, and coach their older children to care for their younger siblings.
One certainly hopes that the Heng have long-term employment that allows them to feed their family and spend time with their children but there isn’t a need to focus solely on parenting even in a big family.
My view is that the Hengs’ approach to let their children grow up on their own with necessary but minimal support from parents is a constructive form of parenting. Parents need to provide basic food and shelter, finance and coaching for basic education but the rest should be left up to our children themselves to find their way through life.
What is more important than the amount of time and effort that a parent can devote to a child is how they raise their children.
Do they allow each child to grow and encourage them to define themselves as individuals who live by their own standards in life? Do they encourage independence early and the value of working with others as they get older?
Do they imbue in their kids a set of family rituals and virtues that puts them in good stead for the future?
Do they help their children see value in building strong, healthy relationships with their brothers and sisters instead of shutting off and engaging in social media, computer games and other forms of materialism?
The Hengs’ story offers us a rare glimpse into what family life with more children looks like – but it isn’t one of irresponsible parenting.
Dr Foo Koong Hean is an adjunct senior lecturer at James Cook University. His book Negotiation Parenting: Or how not to Raise a Brat in Today’s Complex World was published in 2015.
Read more at https://www.channelnewsasia.com/new...ven-children-healthy-happy-parenting-10470786
He is just typical of staunch Christian that thinks that god will provide for them. So they are usually not worried about money. God will provide!
Actually who knows he may strike lottery or good fortune bestow him like his hdb can sell for 1.1m? Ok lah nothing wrong and so good for Singaporean society to have more young children!
Another BS article promoting the glorious mistakes of the trailer park trash and irresponsible breeding.
Starting a family of 7 in Singapore at the age of 21
In the space of seven years, Ethel Lim had all her children, which means mayhem now that they are all in their teens and pre-teens. On The Red Dot explores life in a few of Singapore's rare big families.
h
1 bathroom, 5 kids aged 10 to 16, and only 40 minutes to get them ready for school - perfect ingredients for plenty of chaos, fights and family drama. It may sound like a nightmare to some, but mum Ethel Lee says her children are her "greatest achievement". On The Red Dot looks at life in Singapore's rare big families.
2related media assets (image or videos) available. Click to see the gallery.
By Derrick A Paulo
By and Nurul Amirah Haris
01 Jul 2018 07:30AM (Updated: 01 Jul 2018 02:00PM)
Share this content
SINGAPORE: Weekday mornings have been a battleground in the Lim household, where nine people have been sharing three bedrooms. And mother of five Ethel Lim is the field marshal, waking up and directing her troop of teens and pre-teens.
She has 40 minutes to get her children, aged between 10 and 16, in and out of the toilet they share and out of their apartment in time for school. This means she would need everything to run like clockwork.
What the 37-year-old would usually get is chaos, with lots of knocking on the toilet door.
Her second daughter Bernice attested that the mornings could be “very crazy”. “Each one of us only has five minutes in the bathroom, so we can only brush our teeth, wash our face and change our clothes,” said the 15-year-old.
“Sometimes one of us gets to school late because somebody woke up late, then (got ready) very slowly.”
Mrs Lim would receive complaints from school, usually about 14-year-old Ambrosia, her middle child and “the late one”. Her reply? “I have five kids to ferry.”
Advertisement
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
The Lims getting ready in the morning.
Despite the trend here towards having fewer children, a few families like the Lims have gone against the grain. The programme On The Red Dot spent months filming three large families (by today's standards), to see what it takes to raise a big brood in Singapore today. (Watch the series here.)
MARRIED AT 19
In the case of the Lims, they did not plan specifically for five children; rather, husband Nick wanted a big family, “so we just went ahead”, said Mrs Lim, who was similarly inclined because “maybe the noisier the better”.
She got her wish, with five different personalities – “monsters”, she calls them – fighting for space in the rented condominium penthouse shared with her husband’s sister, a domestic helper and two dogs.
Mrs Lim was 19 years old when she got married after dating for six months, while her husband was 25.
She still gets asked about tying the knot at that age, and her reply is no different from what she said back then to her friends, who had wondered if it was a shotgun marriage. (It was not.)
“I found the right guy; the chemistry’s there, the sparks were there, he’s good. Okay, let’s go for it,” she said, adding that her parents were supportive because he treated her well.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Two years later, she had her first child, Crystal, followed by the next two girls – each of them a year apart. Her son Bryan is now 12, and she had her youngest daughter, Melody, by the time she was 27.
She was a part-time real estate agent previously, and has been a stay-at-home mum since her second pregnancy – a role that has kept her contented as she watched her children grow up.
“My family are my top priority, so they’re my happiness. I don’t think anything is a sacrifice for my family,” she said.
SPACE CRUNCH
She found her children easier to handle, however, when they were younger. Now they are more vocal and have growing needs. It has proven to be a challenge satisfying one demand in particular.
Said Mrs Lim: “All of them request, 'I want my own personal space.’”
In their maisonette of about five years, Bernice, Bryan and Melody have been sleeping in the master bedroom with their parents, while Crystal and Ambrosia have been sharing a room, with the helper and their aunt in the third bedroom.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Crystal using Ambrosia's bed to study.
But it is not only the sleeping arrangements that have been a squeeze. Finding space to study at home in peace is also not easy when their other siblings are playing noisily, as they often do.
This year, it has been particularly difficult for Crystal, who is taking the N-level examinations and is working hard to qualify for the direct polytechnic admission programme.
“I wish that they give me more privacy and a proper space to study,” said the 16-year-old.
Just last year, there was a comfortable study room in the apartment. But it was filled with boxes packed in November in anticipation of a move to a new, bigger home.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Ambrosia climbing over boxes stacked up for months.
Those plans were then derailed by Mr Lim’s work schedule, to Crystal’s chagrin. “I argued with (my parents) a lot about this,” she said.
WATCH: Space crunch for this family of 9 (Dur 4:27)
‘I WISH HE’D BE THERE’
Mr Lim felt bad about the delay in moving house caused by his work. He is in township development and makes business visits in the region almost every week.
He is gone for about three to five days each time and two weeks at the longest, although he tries to be back for the weekends, and he calls his family every night.
Owing to his increasing workload, “it was harder to find the right house for my family”, he said. But that is not the only reason his children are growing impatient with his absence. He also missed Ambrosia’s and Bernice’s birthdays.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
The family celebrating Crystal's 16th birthday.
“They were very upset,” said Crystal. “Working is important, but then I know that time is also very valuable, and what you miss you can’t get back. Sometimes I wish that he’d be more fatherly, that he’d actually be there.”
But this “can’t be helped”, said Mr Lim, whose pay depends on his commission and who earns S$10,000 to S$20,000 a month to support his family and give them a “better future”.
“As long as a parent isn’t around, like me, there’d definitely be this (feeling of neglecting them),” he admitted. “But as of now, my family environment still allows me to go out (of Singapore) to work.
“The market is larger outside … Wherever gives me better development, I’d go. I was never worried about going to places others don’t want to go to – I’m only worried about having no work.”
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Mr Lim on a business call.
To make up for lost time, whenever he is in Singapore, he drives his children to school. It is the best way for him to spend time with them.
‘MY GREATEST WORRY’
Mrs Lim knows that her husband is “a caring dad”, but he is inexpressive and quiet. “So most of the time, I’m the one doing all the talking with the kids,” she said.
Her husband’s absence or his relationship with their children, however, is not her biggest concern. “My greatest worry is Bryan. His PSLE,” she declared.
Her Primary 6 son seems to be more interested in playing – or fighting – with his siblings than in his coming examinations.
Said his mother: “He doesn’t really bother about his studies, but I can’t push him … because the more you push him, the more he doesn’t want (to listen).”
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Mr and Mrs Lim talking to Bryan about his PSLE.
Growing up dyslexic and recently diagnosed with hearing difficulties, Bryan has been struggling in school. And in a family of seven, it has been hard to devote attention and resources to just one child.
“We did try giving them tuition. It did help, but it’s quite costly, so we cut down,” Mrs Lim said. “Nick and I are still … working out with teachers – taking (their) advice – how to handle him.
“But he’s a very stubborn boy, and he keeps everything to himself, so it’s kind of hard to get him to open up.”
His parents only want him to pass his subjects, but in his recent report card, he passed only his English out of three subjects.
“I did try, but … I always end up with only a few more marks (needed) to pass,” said the 12-year-old, who had to then promise his parents that he would do better or else they would take away his phone.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
PARENTING ISSUES
While Mrs Lim hopes that her son will now strive to do better this term, that ultimatum to him is the nearest approach to being a discipline mistress that her children would see from her.
Having had her children at a young age, she prefers to be more of a friend than a mother. And she doubts that caning them really works, since she herself became “more rebellious” when she was caned in the past. She reasoned:
“They should show her more respect and care instead of just arguing all the way without a valid point.”
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Mrs Lim running with Melody.
Indeed, there are some things about having a family of seven that do drive Mrs Lim crazy. “Sometimes they’d argue non-stop for a few days or throw tantrums,” she said. “Mostly it’s the children fighting.”
That is when she needs a break from them – and a chance to catch up with her best friend Kristine Khoo, whom she has known for about five to six years.
“Talking to Kristine makes me more relaxed because she’s a mum herself, and our kids of the same age. So we understand each other more,” said Mrs Lim.
MOVING HOUSE
One of her biggest reliefs, however, came recently when her husband found a new home for them after months of house-hunting: A three-storey terrace house with five rooms.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
At the new house.
And it has been an exciting time for the family as they went about cleaning their rooms before the big move. “My husband did a very good job finding this place,” said a happy Mrs Lim.
Their children must still share a room, but there is now an adjoining toilet for each. “I don’t have to queue up! I don’t need to wait for all them!” exclaimed Crystal.
On the other hand, one of the reasons her mother is thankful they have their own space is that, for the first time since the birth of her first child, she and husband may just be left "very peaceful” at night.
“It’s no more noise at night, no more calling them to sleep,” she said with a laugh – even if waking them up in the morning may be no less difficult.
The Lims are one of three large Singaporean families who share their stories on On The Red Dot. Read about another family raising 7 children on under S$3,000 a month.
New episodes air on Mediacorp Channel 5 on Fridays at 9.30pm.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
A photo of the Lims when they were younger.
Source: CNA/dp
Tagged Topics
Read more at https://www.channelnewsasia.com/new...ily-young-singapore-teenage-children-10487628
Starting a family of 7 in Singapore at the age of 21
In the space of seven years, Ethel Lim had all her children, which means mayhem now that they are all in their teens and pre-teens. On The Red Dot explores life in a few of Singapore's rare big families.
h
1 bathroom, 5 kids aged 10 to 16, and only 40 minutes to get them ready for school - perfect ingredients for plenty of chaos, fights and family drama. It may sound like a nightmare to some, but mum Ethel Lee says her children are her "greatest achievement". On The Red Dot looks at life in Singapore's rare big families.
2related media assets (image or videos) available. Click to see the gallery.
By Derrick A Paulo
By and Nurul Amirah Haris
01 Jul 2018 07:30AM (Updated: 01 Jul 2018 02:00PM)
Share this content
SINGAPORE: Weekday mornings have been a battleground in the Lim household, where nine people have been sharing three bedrooms. And mother of five Ethel Lim is the field marshal, waking up and directing her troop of teens and pre-teens.
She has 40 minutes to get her children, aged between 10 and 16, in and out of the toilet they share and out of their apartment in time for school. This means she would need everything to run like clockwork.
What the 37-year-old would usually get is chaos, with lots of knocking on the toilet door.
Her second daughter Bernice attested that the mornings could be “very crazy”. “Each one of us only has five minutes in the bathroom, so we can only brush our teeth, wash our face and change our clothes,” said the 15-year-old.
“Sometimes one of us gets to school late because somebody woke up late, then (got ready) very slowly.”
Mrs Lim would receive complaints from school, usually about 14-year-old Ambrosia, her middle child and “the late one”. Her reply? “I have five kids to ferry.”
Advertisement
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
The Lims getting ready in the morning.
Despite the trend here towards having fewer children, a few families like the Lims have gone against the grain. The programme On The Red Dot spent months filming three large families (by today's standards), to see what it takes to raise a big brood in Singapore today. (Watch the series here.)
MARRIED AT 19
In the case of the Lims, they did not plan specifically for five children; rather, husband Nick wanted a big family, “so we just went ahead”, said Mrs Lim, who was similarly inclined because “maybe the noisier the better”.
She got her wish, with five different personalities – “monsters”, she calls them – fighting for space in the rented condominium penthouse shared with her husband’s sister, a domestic helper and two dogs.
Mrs Lim was 19 years old when she got married after dating for six months, while her husband was 25.
She still gets asked about tying the knot at that age, and her reply is no different from what she said back then to her friends, who had wondered if it was a shotgun marriage. (It was not.)
“I found the right guy; the chemistry’s there, the sparks were there, he’s good. Okay, let’s go for it,” she said, adding that her parents were supportive because he treated her well.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Two years later, she had her first child, Crystal, followed by the next two girls – each of them a year apart. Her son Bryan is now 12, and she had her youngest daughter, Melody, by the time she was 27.
She was a part-time real estate agent previously, and has been a stay-at-home mum since her second pregnancy – a role that has kept her contented as she watched her children grow up.
“My family are my top priority, so they’re my happiness. I don’t think anything is a sacrifice for my family,” she said.
SPACE CRUNCH
She found her children easier to handle, however, when they were younger. Now they are more vocal and have growing needs. It has proven to be a challenge satisfying one demand in particular.
Said Mrs Lim: “All of them request, 'I want my own personal space.’”
In their maisonette of about five years, Bernice, Bryan and Melody have been sleeping in the master bedroom with their parents, while Crystal and Ambrosia have been sharing a room, with the helper and their aunt in the third bedroom.
image: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==
Crystal using Ambrosia's bed to study.
But it is not only the sleeping arrangements that have been a squeeze. Finding space to study at home in peace is also not easy when their other siblings are playing noisily, as they often do.
This year, it has been particularly difficult for Crystal, who is taking the N-level examinations and is working hard to qualify for the direct polytechnic admission programme.
“I wish that they give me more privacy and a proper space to study,” said the 16-year-old.
Just last year, there was a comfortable study room in the apartment. But it was filled with boxes packed in November in anticipation of a move to a new, bigger home.
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Ambrosia climbing over boxes stacked up for months.
Those plans were then derailed by Mr Lim’s work schedule, to Crystal’s chagrin. “I argued with (my parents) a lot about this,” she said.
I don’t want anything to affect my N-level results, which are very important to me.
That focus of hers has meant that she has been spending more time with her friends instead. “When I go out with them, I get to study, so in a sense, I get to do stuff that’s more productive,” she explained.WATCH: Space crunch for this family of 9 (Dur 4:27)
‘I WISH HE’D BE THERE’
Mr Lim felt bad about the delay in moving house caused by his work. He is in township development and makes business visits in the region almost every week.
He is gone for about three to five days each time and two weeks at the longest, although he tries to be back for the weekends, and he calls his family every night.
Owing to his increasing workload, “it was harder to find the right house for my family”, he said. But that is not the only reason his children are growing impatient with his absence. He also missed Ambrosia’s and Bernice’s birthdays.
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The family celebrating Crystal's 16th birthday.
“They were very upset,” said Crystal. “Working is important, but then I know that time is also very valuable, and what you miss you can’t get back. Sometimes I wish that he’d be more fatherly, that he’d actually be there.”
But this “can’t be helped”, said Mr Lim, whose pay depends on his commission and who earns S$10,000 to S$20,000 a month to support his family and give them a “better future”.
“As long as a parent isn’t around, like me, there’d definitely be this (feeling of neglecting them),” he admitted. “But as of now, my family environment still allows me to go out (of Singapore) to work.
“The market is larger outside … Wherever gives me better development, I’d go. I was never worried about going to places others don’t want to go to – I’m only worried about having no work.”
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Mr Lim on a business call.
To make up for lost time, whenever he is in Singapore, he drives his children to school. It is the best way for him to spend time with them.
‘MY GREATEST WORRY’
Mrs Lim knows that her husband is “a caring dad”, but he is inexpressive and quiet. “So most of the time, I’m the one doing all the talking with the kids,” she said.
Her husband’s absence or his relationship with their children, however, is not her biggest concern. “My greatest worry is Bryan. His PSLE,” she declared.
Her Primary 6 son seems to be more interested in playing – or fighting – with his siblings than in his coming examinations.
Said his mother: “He doesn’t really bother about his studies, but I can’t push him … because the more you push him, the more he doesn’t want (to listen).”
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Mr and Mrs Lim talking to Bryan about his PSLE.
Growing up dyslexic and recently diagnosed with hearing difficulties, Bryan has been struggling in school. And in a family of seven, it has been hard to devote attention and resources to just one child.
“We did try giving them tuition. It did help, but it’s quite costly, so we cut down,” Mrs Lim said. “Nick and I are still … working out with teachers – taking (their) advice – how to handle him.
“But he’s a very stubborn boy, and he keeps everything to himself, so it’s kind of hard to get him to open up.”
His parents only want him to pass his subjects, but in his recent report card, he passed only his English out of three subjects.
“I did try, but … I always end up with only a few more marks (needed) to pass,” said the 12-year-old, who had to then promise his parents that he would do better or else they would take away his phone.
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PARENTING ISSUES
While Mrs Lim hopes that her son will now strive to do better this term, that ultimatum to him is the nearest approach to being a discipline mistress that her children would see from her.
Having had her children at a young age, she prefers to be more of a friend than a mother. And she doubts that caning them really works, since she herself became “more rebellious” when she was caned in the past. She reasoned:
If you’re doing the ‘mother’ role, (children) won’t tell you a lot of things. Rather, when you’re friends with them, they can tell you a lot of things.
But her lenient parenting approach does not always work, thinks Crystal. “(My siblings) talk back to her without any consideration of the situation,” said the girl.“They should show her more respect and care instead of just arguing all the way without a valid point.”
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Mrs Lim running with Melody.
Indeed, there are some things about having a family of seven that do drive Mrs Lim crazy. “Sometimes they’d argue non-stop for a few days or throw tantrums,” she said. “Mostly it’s the children fighting.”
That is when she needs a break from them – and a chance to catch up with her best friend Kristine Khoo, whom she has known for about five to six years.
“Talking to Kristine makes me more relaxed because she’s a mum herself, and our kids of the same age. So we understand each other more,” said Mrs Lim.
MOVING HOUSE
One of her biggest reliefs, however, came recently when her husband found a new home for them after months of house-hunting: A three-storey terrace house with five rooms.
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At the new house.
And it has been an exciting time for the family as they went about cleaning their rooms before the big move. “My husband did a very good job finding this place,” said a happy Mrs Lim.
Their children must still share a room, but there is now an adjoining toilet for each. “I don’t have to queue up! I don’t need to wait for all them!” exclaimed Crystal.
On the other hand, one of the reasons her mother is thankful they have their own space is that, for the first time since the birth of her first child, she and husband may just be left "very peaceful” at night.
“It’s no more noise at night, no more calling them to sleep,” she said with a laugh – even if waking them up in the morning may be no less difficult.
The Lims are one of three large Singaporean families who share their stories on On The Red Dot. Read about another family raising 7 children on under S$3,000 a month.
New episodes air on Mediacorp Channel 5 on Fridays at 9.30pm.
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A photo of the Lims when they were younger.
Source: CNA/dp
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Read more at https://www.channelnewsasia.com/new...ily-young-singapore-teenage-children-10487628
"One of her biggest reliefs, however, came recently when her husband found a new home for them after months of house-hunting: A three-storey terrace house with five rooms."
who paid for their 3 storey terrace house?
who paid for their 3 storey terrace house?
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