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Share your jokes and insult for religious ppl ;)
- Thread starter drifter
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One zen student said, “My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”
The second said, “My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleep.”
The third said, “My teacher is so wise that he eats when he’s hungry and sleeps when he’s tired.”
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Four monks were meditating in a monastery. All of a sudden the prayer flag on the roof started flapping.
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: “Flag is flapping”
A more experienced monk said: “Wind is flapping”
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: “Mind is flapping.”
The fourth monk who was the eldest said: “Mouths are flapping!”
The younger monk came out of his meditation and said: “Flag is flapping”
A more experienced monk said: “Wind is flapping”
A third monk who had been there for more than 20 years said: “Mind is flapping.”
The fourth monk who was the eldest said: “Mouths are flapping!”
A Buddhist phones the monastery and asks the monk “Can you come to do a blessing for my new house?”
The monk replies “Sorry, I’m busy.”
“What are you doing? Can I help?”
“I’m doing nothing”, replied the monk, “Doing nothing is a monk’s core business and you can’t help me with that.”
So the next day the Buddhist phones again, “Can you please come to my house for a blessing?”
“Sorry,” said the monk, “I’m busy.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing nothing,” replied the monk.
“But that was what you were doing yesterday!”, said the Buddhist.
“Correct”, replied the monk, “I’m not finished yet!”
The monk replies “Sorry, I’m busy.”
“What are you doing? Can I help?”
“I’m doing nothing”, replied the monk, “Doing nothing is a monk’s core business and you can’t help me with that.”
So the next day the Buddhist phones again, “Can you please come to my house for a blessing?”
“Sorry,” said the monk, “I’m busy.”
“What are you doing?”
“I’m doing nothing,” replied the monk.
“But that was what you were doing yesterday!”, said the Buddhist.
“Correct”, replied the monk, “I’m not finished yet!”
Buddhist monks of the Theravada sect (in Sri Lanka, Myanmar, Thailand) are supposed not to take meals after 12 noon.
Some Sri Lankans in Singapore hosted a dhana (meal) for a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk in transit. However, the flight got late and the monk arrived only at 12:30 pm.
"You could not make it before noon, so it seems that we are not supposed to offer you food", lamented one of the hosts.
"No problem," replied the priest. "I am following Sri Lankan time, so it is still 10:00 am."
Some Sri Lankans in Singapore hosted a dhana (meal) for a Sri Lankan Buddhist monk in transit. However, the flight got late and the monk arrived only at 12:30 pm.
"You could not make it before noon, so it seems that we are not supposed to offer you food", lamented one of the hosts.
"No problem," replied the priest. "I am following Sri Lankan time, so it is still 10:00 am."
True Incident: The incident took place in South Asia. A man was offering salah in his house. He was praying as fast as he could as many of us do. All of a sudden, he heard the door behind him open. Since, someone entered the room, he started making his ruku and sujud longer. Upon completion of the salah, he looked back to see who it was. To his amazement, it was a dog!
Two men were on a plane on a business trip when a Muslim couple boarded the plane and were seated right in front of them. The two men, eager to have some fun, started talking loudly. "My boss is sending me to Saudi Arabia", the one said, "But I don't want to go...too many Muslims there!" The Muslim couple noticeably heard and grew uncomfortable. The other guy laughed, "Oh, yeah, my boss wanted to send me to Pakistan but I refused...WAY too many Muslims!" Smiling, the first man said, "One time I was in Iran but I HATED the fact that there were so many Muslims!" The couple fidgeted. The other guy responded, "Oh, yeah...you can't go ANYWHERE to get away from them...the last time I was in FRANCE I ran into a bunch of them too!" The first guy was laughing hysterically as he added, "That is why you'll never see me in Indonesia...WAY too many Muslims!" At this, the Muslim man turned around and responded politely, "Why don't you go to Hell?", he asked, "I hear there's not very many Muslims THERE!"
An Englishman, Frenchman, American and a Saudi on a plane going to the U.N. in New York when all of a sudden there’s engine trouble!
The pilot says over the P.A. system that there’s only one parachute onboard.
The Englishman, ever the gentleman steps up, opens the door, shouts “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!” And jumps.
The Frenchman, always the effin copycat steps up, goes to the door and shouts “VIVE LA FRANCE” and jumps into the abyss.
The yank then steps up, looks out the door at the two bodies gathering speed toward the ground, takes a step back then shouts “REMEMBER 9/11″ and throws the Arab out the door!
The pilot says over the P.A. system that there’s only one parachute onboard.
The Englishman, ever the gentleman steps up, opens the door, shouts “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!” And jumps.
The Frenchman, always the effin copycat steps up, goes to the door and shouts “VIVE LA FRANCE” and jumps into the abyss.
The yank then steps up, looks out the door at the two bodies gathering speed toward the ground, takes a step back then shouts “REMEMBER 9/11″ and throws the Arab out the door!
A young Arab asks his father “What is this weird hat that we are wearing?”
“Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun,” says the father.
Then asks the son “And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
The father is Obliged to reply: “It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!”
The boy gets even more curious: “And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?”
Again the father lovingly explains: “These are ‘babouches,’ which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!”
Finally the son says, “Tell me Abba?”
“Yes my son?”
“Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?”
“Why, it’s a ‘chechia’ because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun,” says the father.
Then asks the son “And what is this type of clothing that we are wearing?”
The father is Obliged to reply: “It’s a ‘djbellah’ because in the desert it is very hot and it protects your body!”
The boy gets even more curious: “And what are these ugly shoes that we have on our feet?”
Again the father lovingly explains: “These are ‘babouches,’ which keep us from burning our feet when in the desert!”
Finally the son says, “Tell me Abba?”
“Yes my son?”
“Why the f*ck are we living in Detroit and still wearing all this shit?”
A Muslim walks into his local mosque with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"
"By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"
Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."
"What are you so happy about, Abdul?" Asks the Imam.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies Abdul. "I live by the railroad tracks and on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the rails, like in the American movies. I cut her free and took her back to my humble abode. Allah be praised - we made love all night, all around the tent. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position permitted by Mohammed, Peace Be Upon Him!"
"By the most Merciful," exclaimed the Imam, "you have been blessed. Was she as beautiful as a desert flower?"
Abdul grimaced, "By the Jinn, I do not know - I never found her head."
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