N.J. diner manager accused of harassing trans customer after bathroom dispute
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A transgender woman has accused a New Jersey diner manager of discrimination and transphobia, citing a recent argument over which bathroom the woman used.
Erin Kinahan, 63, from Jersey City, told NJ Advance Media she was harassed at the Edison Diner in Edison Sunday evening by the restaurant’s night manager. Kinahan said the man followed her into the women’s restroom before approaching her table to say she could no longer use that bathroom.
Kinahan said Wednesday the man invaded her personal space before saying, “from now on, I want you to use the men’s room.” When Kinahan told him she was a woman, he responded, “you’re a woman in your dreams,” and later, “I don’t know what you are.”
“I was just totally shocked,” Kinahan said. “I was just just blown away by his aggressive nature and his combative stance ... people were looking, he was making a scene.”
Kinahan said she and her group of friends are regular customers at the diner due to its proximity to the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, where she attends meetings and volunteers to work with LGBTQ preteens every other Saturday. They love the diner but have noticed the employee who harassed Kinahan giving dirty looks to the group in recent weeks.
“We’re very polite, we take good care of everyone, we tip well and we always have a grand time,” Kinahan said. “But lately, I’ve noticed a lot of what seems like animosity on the part of of the management, not the wait staff.”
Rachel Clapsis, 26, of Edison, was with Kinahan Sunday and said the man “reminded (them) of a shark,” pacing and glancing at Kinahan after she used the bathroom.
“I knew something was off,” Clapsis said
The group of seven or eight people at the table, who witnessed the harassment against Kinahan, eventually got up to leave in unison.
“I said, ‘you need to relax,’ because he looked like he had daggers in his eyes,” Clapsis said. “He was really heated. And he said, ‘I’m not relaxed. I’m not relaxed.’”
As the party left the diner, Clapsis asked to speak to the manager and was told the man harassing them was indeed the manager on duty.
Edison Diner owner Evan Kalambakas told NJ Advance Media Thursday the incident was spurred by a male customer, who complained to the manager about Kinahan using the women’s room. Kalambakas said the manager was unaware Kinahan was a woman.
“He was more in disbelief than anything else,” Kalambakas said, regarding Kinahan’s gender identity. “He thought it was kind of like a wise guy telling him, ‘I’m a woman. So I can go in here if I want.’”
But Kalambakas said the confusion does not excuse the manager’s behavior.
“He shouldn’t have said any of that,” Kalambakas said. “If he went over to her and told her, ‘going forward you can’t use the ladies room,’ at that point, if she said, ‘I’m a woman,’ he should have just said, ‘sorry.’ That should have been that.”
Kalambakas, whose family has owned the diner for 50 years, said the manager, a man in his 70s, has not been fired over the incident.
“We can remediate and review and learn from this, which is our approach,” Kalambakas said. “I don’t fire people because they made a mistake. Never did. We try to fix it.”
Fixing things, Kalambakas said, included having a meeting with all the diner’s managers to discuss transgender rights and how they must allow customers to use whichever bathroom they choose.
“If another customer gets upset about it, now we know how to handle it,” Kalambakas said.
Kinahan’s harassment is hardly an isolated incident. In 2016, North Carolina passed a bill that compelled schools, as well as state and local government facilities, to only allow people to use restrooms that corresponded with the gender on their birth certificate. A national controversy and conversation followed. When boycotts from corporations and groups were projected to cost the state billions, the law was repealed.
Even though there has never been such a law in New Jersey, the state’s trans community clearly still fights regular battles for simple tolerance.
Kinahan did not file a police report, but said she has been in contact with a lawyer about potential legal action against the diner. The incident came days before she was scheduled to have gender-affirming surgery.
“Sometimes you think, ‘Well, you know, I’ll get through this.’ But it really has been devastating,” Kinahan said. “I’m taking this major step with this surgery, something that is that is gender-affirming. To have this deranged, sick individual discriminate against me publicly, here in a public place, it was very degrading and really has upset me.”
www.nj.com
Erin Kinahan, 63, from Jersey City, told NJ Advance Media she was harassed at the Edison Diner in Edison Sunday evening by the restaurant’s night manager. Kinahan said the man followed her into the women’s restroom before approaching her table to say she could no longer use that bathroom.
Kinahan said Wednesday the man invaded her personal space before saying, “from now on, I want you to use the men’s room.” When Kinahan told him she was a woman, he responded, “you’re a woman in your dreams,” and later, “I don’t know what you are.”
“I was just totally shocked,” Kinahan said. “I was just just blown away by his aggressive nature and his combative stance ... people were looking, he was making a scene.”
Kinahan said she and her group of friends are regular customers at the diner due to its proximity to the Pride Center of New Jersey in Highland Park, where she attends meetings and volunteers to work with LGBTQ preteens every other Saturday. They love the diner but have noticed the employee who harassed Kinahan giving dirty looks to the group in recent weeks.
“We’re very polite, we take good care of everyone, we tip well and we always have a grand time,” Kinahan said. “But lately, I’ve noticed a lot of what seems like animosity on the part of of the management, not the wait staff.”
Rachel Clapsis, 26, of Edison, was with Kinahan Sunday and said the man “reminded (them) of a shark,” pacing and glancing at Kinahan after she used the bathroom.
“I knew something was off,” Clapsis said
The group of seven or eight people at the table, who witnessed the harassment against Kinahan, eventually got up to leave in unison.
“I said, ‘you need to relax,’ because he looked like he had daggers in his eyes,” Clapsis said. “He was really heated. And he said, ‘I’m not relaxed. I’m not relaxed.’”
As the party left the diner, Clapsis asked to speak to the manager and was told the man harassing them was indeed the manager on duty.
Edison Diner owner Evan Kalambakas told NJ Advance Media Thursday the incident was spurred by a male customer, who complained to the manager about Kinahan using the women’s room. Kalambakas said the manager was unaware Kinahan was a woman.
“He was more in disbelief than anything else,” Kalambakas said, regarding Kinahan’s gender identity. “He thought it was kind of like a wise guy telling him, ‘I’m a woman. So I can go in here if I want.’”
But Kalambakas said the confusion does not excuse the manager’s behavior.
“He shouldn’t have said any of that,” Kalambakas said. “If he went over to her and told her, ‘going forward you can’t use the ladies room,’ at that point, if she said, ‘I’m a woman,’ he should have just said, ‘sorry.’ That should have been that.”
Kalambakas, whose family has owned the diner for 50 years, said the manager, a man in his 70s, has not been fired over the incident.
“We can remediate and review and learn from this, which is our approach,” Kalambakas said. “I don’t fire people because they made a mistake. Never did. We try to fix it.”
Fixing things, Kalambakas said, included having a meeting with all the diner’s managers to discuss transgender rights and how they must allow customers to use whichever bathroom they choose.
“If another customer gets upset about it, now we know how to handle it,” Kalambakas said.
Kinahan’s harassment is hardly an isolated incident. In 2016, North Carolina passed a bill that compelled schools, as well as state and local government facilities, to only allow people to use restrooms that corresponded with the gender on their birth certificate. A national controversy and conversation followed. When boycotts from corporations and groups were projected to cost the state billions, the law was repealed.
Even though there has never been such a law in New Jersey, the state’s trans community clearly still fights regular battles for simple tolerance.
Kinahan did not file a police report, but said she has been in contact with a lawyer about potential legal action against the diner. The incident came days before she was scheduled to have gender-affirming surgery.
“Sometimes you think, ‘Well, you know, I’ll get through this.’ But it really has been devastating,” Kinahan said. “I’m taking this major step with this surgery, something that is that is gender-affirming. To have this deranged, sick individual discriminate against me publicly, here in a public place, it was very degrading and really has upset me.”
