Points To Ponder

[groober2011]

1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like...... night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. Remember, half the people you know are below average.
5. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
6. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
7. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.
8. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
9. How many of you believe in psycho kinesis?... Raise my hand.
10. OK... so what's the speed of dark?
11. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
12. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
13. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?
14. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
15. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
16. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
17. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.
18. Just remember---if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.
19. Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
20. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

 

[erection2015]

* Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake
up every two hours?
* If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
* Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
are flat?
* Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know
there is not enough?
* Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
* Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
* Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
* Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you
throw a revolver at him?
* Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
* Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
* What is the speed of darkness?
* Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at
the Special Olympics?
* If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice
as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
* If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others
doing here?
* Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem
longer?
* Do you cry under water?
* How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would
be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
* Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?
* Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll
squeeze these pink dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
* Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there... I'm gonna
eat the next thing that comes outta its butt."
* Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the
toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
* Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
* Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but
don't point to their butt when they ask where the bathroom is?
* Why does your Obstetrician, Gynaecologist leave the room when you get
undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
* Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're
both dogs!
* Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
* If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
* If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
* If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
* Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the
same tune?
Stop singing and read on . . . . . .. . . . .
* Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
* Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad
at you but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the
window?
* Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?