Mindfucked by gal

[BuiKia]

J should know that this is just the beginning.

Baffled by girl's erratic behaviour


DEAR THELMA

I STUDIED in a boys' school and spent most of my time on books. I feel shy when with girls. I would say I'm not straight. Perhaps lack of love while growing up has made me this way. Also, I have five brothers.

Recently I got to know K, my junior in college. We chatted daily through Facebook and SMS. I soon found myself obsessed with her.

I confessed my feelings for her but she said she was not suitable for me and asked me to find someone else. Then she SMS-ed to ask why I had fallen for her. I explained that my feelings are genuine but I couldn't be sure if it was really love. She didn't reply.

Then we got back to chatting again via Facebook. After my exam, I told K my love for her was still strong. Immediately after that, she returned to her hometown and we lost touch again as she couldn't access the Net.

I rang her daily. Her mum picked up my calls and said that she looked forward to meeting me. But some days later, she told me K didn't want to meet me. Her mum even said I had rushed into the relationship.

Then K messaged and scolded me for my second confession. She'd had an argument with her mother because of me. I apologised, cried for a few nights and decided not to call her again.

Two weeks later, K SMS-ed to apologise for being rude. I replied, "I ok", but we rarely chat anymore. She posted videos about broken hearts from YouTube and wrote in her Facebook that guys are bad. I invited her for dinner a few times but she declined. Yesterday, she SMS-ed to wish me goodnight.

Do all girls behave in this manner? Or is it I can't get her message because I rarely chat with girls?

I have completely lost interest in girls, and guys. I even wonder if I love her because I'm jealous that all my brothers have, or had been in, relationships.

J

UNFORTUNATELY, matters of the heart have baffled even the wisest of people. Rest easy in the thought that you're not the only one who has gone through such an experience. There is no guide as to how best to approach your first love. But you have done well by talking to her and confessing your feelings.

You say you were "obsessed" with her. Without making light of your feelings for this girl, be clear about how you think and feel. Obsession is quite different from how people would describe love. While it is common to have obsessive thoughts of the person you are in love with, obsession alone is not love.

She has been really honest about her feelings for you; you will have to respect that. However, you can still maintain a friendship with her. But if you feel that you cannot maintain a purely platonic friendship, you may need to gain some distance from her. This means you would have to either minimise, or cease altogether, communication with her. This includes checking her status on Facebook.

Only she can explain her behaviour. When you feel up to it, talk to her about your confusion arising from her behaviour towards you. Be sure, though, not to pressure her into thinking you are pursuing a relationship again, unless she is ready to go down that route.

At this point, the best you can do is to learn more about how to approach girls and talk to them. Make friends and get to know people. You will find that girls are no different from you and that only time will tell how you feel about someone special. You will, by then, be more confident and be able to approach the matter appropriately.

As for your sexuality, understand that just because someone grows up in a predominantly male environment, it does not make him gay. Neither does growing up in a family without love lead to homosexuality.

Sexuality is complex and is influenced by various factors. If you suspect that you may be gay, or are curious to find out more about sexuality, learn more about it. But seek reliable sources of information. You may also want to talk to a counsellor.

Is something bothering you? Do you need a listening ear or a shoulder to lean on? Thelma is here to help. E-mail [email protected]. The Star does not give any warranty on accuracy, completeness, usefulness, fitness for any particular purpose or other assurances as to the opinions and views expressed in this column. The Star disclaims all responsibility for any losses suffered directly or indirectly arising from reliance on such opinions and views.

 

[Scrooball (clone)]

These type of gals are common. They don't like you, but keep you on a leash nearby. When they quarrel with their bfs, they call you or chat with you. Having guys by the side makes them feel wanted and attractive.

 

[Raiders]

A good percentage of sinkie girls are like this. However, I recently come across one PRC chick who is like this. Im taking on the challenge to mind fuck her to leave her bf and open her legs for me.

 

[BuiKia]

Another one...

DEAR THELMA

LATE last year, my husband found an old teenage crush on Facebook. My children and I saw her too and we all joked about it. But what happened after that was a form of betrayal that was very hurtful.

My husband actually got in touch with her and they starting communicating via phone calls and SMS-es. This went on for over two months without my knowledge.

I then found, unintentionally, an SMS message (with terms of endearment) on his handphone. That led to fights, tears and heartache on my part. The SMS-es continued every day, even when he was at home with me and the kids. I was baffled as I've always trusted my husband.

He maintained that he was just catching up with his "good friend", whom he had not spoken to since they were teenagers. I was not convinced and even confronted the other party on the phone. She also reassured me that they had only spoken to and messaged each other and had not met.

Because I was so unhappy about the whole episode, they then stopped all forms of communication. After many fights and long talks, my husband and I both agreed that we were taking each other for granted and communication was breaking down between us.

He has since changed his job and his exercise schedule so that we can go to church together, and spend quality time with the children, together. He calls or texts me every day and even drove 35km to my office to send me a bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day.

I appreciate his efforts to regain my trust and "woo" me all over again, but sometimes I will think about the whole episode and break down again.

This cycle is very trying for my husband and our daughter, who is in secondary school. She was in the middle of all the fights and is very affected by the whole thing. I wonder if the pain will ever go away as it is also hurting my family.

Betrayed Spouse


ALTHOUGH your husband has been in contact with this friend and they have been using terms of endearment for each other, you have no evidence that he has cheated on you.

He has told you as much, and so has the friend. You have interpreted his doing this in secret - while he has been at home with you and your family - as a betrayal of your trust in him.

From the information you have provided, he seems to be earnest in gaining your trust again. He has stopped being in touch with this friend. He has even changed aspects of his life.

He is paying attention to you and your family. And, he has thrown some romance in as well. To someone from the outside, it looks like he is sincere in his efforts.

Do you now have reason to doubt his intentions? If not, all that can be said here is that you probably need time to let go of the memories of his past actions.

You probably will not forget them, but that does not mean you have to let them haunt you.

Over time, the meaning of past events will change and you will be able to look back upon that differently. In the meantime, you would have to learn to trust him again and focus on what he is doing now and where your relationship is going.

Try and provide reassurance to your daughter and remind her that you both love her and you want the best for her.

 

[KNNBCCB]

Moral of the story : FACEBOOK kills .

 

[streetsmart73]

hi there


1. what a loser?
2. just pay for the sex thing & finished!
3. what relationship!
4. daft sheep.

 

[Raiders]

hi there


1. what a loser?
2. just pay for the sex thing & finished!
3. what relationship!
4. daft sheep.

Hi there,

1. today you are not chowka?
2. LOL!

 

[streetsmart73]

Hi there,

1. today you are not chowka?
2. LOL!

hi there


1. aiyoh! bro.
2. me ok today.
3. but my boss, face black as charcoal!
4. honest, cannot be bother too.

 

[Alamaking]

Hi there,

1. today you are not chowka?
2. LOL!

Mai pecah lobang lah you, whats inside TCSS, stays inside TCSS, LOL

 

[Raiders]

Mai pecah lobang lah you, whats inside TCSS, stays inside TCSS, LOL

You still dare to come and busybody. Because of you, then we quarrel one. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. So true

 

[rectmobile]

the problem with J is he only do it with only 1 girl.

Do it with about 10 girls and sure he can get one to be his gf.

 

[BuiKia]

It is because of experiences like this that J will probably turn to gay.

the problem with J is he only do it with only 1 girl.

Do it with about 10 girls and sure he can get one to be his gf.

 

[rectmobile]

It is because of experiences like this that J will probably turn to gay.

J do not have much experience with girls. That is the reason the girl dun like him.

If that experience alone will pull him down, then it is not the girls fault but his own.

Those Ah beng are an expert with girls... that is why they are hot in the eyes of girls and the ah bengs treat them badly too.

 

[no_faith]

It is because of experiences like this that J will probably turn to gay.

if he turn into gay, he can visit tanjong pagar. LOL

 

[BuiKia]

The place is flooed with gays. Just go maxwell market.

if he turn into gay, he can visit tanjong pagar. LOL

 

[Alamaking]

You still dare to come and busybody. Because of you, then we quarrel one. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. So true

Knn, i just say nia, i where got blow horn and say who is who, LOL

 

[laksaboy]

These type of gals are common. They don't like you, but keep you on a leash nearby. When they quarrel with their bfs, they call you or chat with you. Having guys by the side makes them feel wanted and attractive.

There's a term for that: being an emotional tampon.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Emotional Tampon

And no, they do 'like' you, but in a friend-friend way that won't lead to sex. Which begs the question: What's the point?
If I want to hang out with platonic friends, I'd rather hang out with guy friends. More common hobbies, more common things to talk about.

This is the truth I will share with everyone:
Nice guys don't get laid. However, nice guys get married... after the woman is past her prime, has had her fun with exciting Alpha bad boys before opting to 'settle down' with the nice guy who can provide for her.

The axiom 男人不坏，女人不爱 is more true than you think.

 

[glockman]

go to church together, and spend quality time with the children, together. He calls or texts me every day and even drove 35km to my office to send me a bouquet of flowers on Valentine's Day.

Done out of guilt. He's already started fucking his childhood friend.

 

[Raiders]

Done out of guilt. He's already started fucking his childhood friend.

When a man tastes the forbidden fruit outside, it will be hard to look back