Is this the right way to handle bullying? Discuss.

[MisterGuard]

[video=youtube_share;RRm6RWVWoGU]https://youtu.be/RRm6RWVWoGU[/video]


Speaking as someone who was bullied at school and in the army, I say Rika’s way is the best way to handle bullying. Give them a beat down as soon as they start something, like what Rika did.

Some of you may think, “But that’s just over a book!” Over kill, right?

Not really. When I was being bullied in secondary school, the bullying started with badmouthing and sometimes slaps to the back of my head. Now, at that point, with the slapping for example, I could have retaliated with a few slaps of my own. No biggie, right? Someone throws a slap, you return with a harder one and that’s that.

BUT, I didn’t do anything. Because I was brought up by parents and teachers who taught that violence was wrong. One teacher in primary school liked to tell us stories of people who befriended their bullies through ignoring beatings. Like if you pretend the beatings weren’t happening, then in some way it never did and eventually bullies will be shamed by your goodness.

Later someone told me she was being abused by her husband at home.

Anyway, so I took the “adult” way. I tolerated the verbal put-downs and slapping. Then one day, the bullies graduated to snatching my bag and throwing it into the rubbish bin. Not the one in the classroom where there was just paper waste, but the one in the canteen with food waste. After that came the requests for protection money because word got around that I was “mentally slow” because I wouldn’t retaliate to any of the bullying.

By then, when the students who belonged to gangs came up with their protection money requests, the situation was too far gone to be solved with just a return slap from me. To stop them, I would probably have to smack someone’s head with a chair or something. Blood would have to be drawn.

Before, there were just some individual assholes who could probably be stopped by slaps and punches. No need for weapons. See where I am getting with this? Prevention is better than cure. Far better for me to have stopped some low-ranking bullies right from the get go with slaps than for the situation to develop into a full-scale protection money racket where blood would have to be drawn with weapons.

Well, inflicting close-to-fatal wounds on another human being was beyond me. So the bullying continued and I coughed up money for the extortionists until they got tired of their games. One silver lining in my dark clouds was that there were too many factions around. I think after a year or so, quarrels between their respective groups got more interesting than picking on a timid victim so in my last 2 years of secondary school, I was left alone.

Even if you disagree with my anti-bullying strategy, please do share your opinions here.

 

[yellowarse]

I agree with Rika's method.

Bullies are cowards. Like all cowards, they feed on timidity. They only dare bully those who're afraid of them. If they could feel shame, they wouldn't have picked on someone weaker than themselves in the first place.

If you respond with a adequate measure of force, they'll cower and whimper in fear, like all cowards. Or report the bullying to the teacher, and take it up to the school principal if necessary. Never suffer in silence.

 

[Narong Wongwan]

They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. *That’s* the *Chicago* way!

Bullies pick on the weak. If you show you're weak then you become the target.
And most bullies only understand the power of the fist....so you must talk in their langauge.
You can't win every fight and with bullies most times you'll likely be outnumbered.....but still you must fight because win or lose you got to show them you are not weak and willing to fight. Only then will bullies leave you alone and find a weaker target. That's the law of nature/the jungle

 

[Agoraphobic]

I attended an all-boys secondary school and I don't remember getting bullied. Some of us had "gangs" but we weren't involved in any gangland activities, so I think the word "gang" is inappropriate. But we would back up each other in any confrontation. Anyway, a quiet and timid boy was forced to masturbate in front of a couple of other boys, who found it funny and amused themselves watching the boy perform the act. It happened a few times and I think the boy forced to do it must have enjoyed being watched. I heard this boy later also performed oral sex on others. Is this bullying? It started off probably as a persuasive gag, but later turned into a lifestyle "activity." Those off us who didn't want to get into a situation of being forced/coerced/persuaded into masturbating avoided the bunch of voyeurs, who could be a little intimidating.

Cheers!

 

[MisterGuard]

Or report the bullying to the teacher, and take it up to the school principal if necessary. Never suffer in silence.

Reporting to school authorities can sometimes backfire. Bullies usually operate in groups. So it will be many mouths against your lone voice in the wilderness.

I did report to a teacher back in secondary school. The first time it worked out okay. The teacher did her job and called the offenders into the staff room for a scolding in front of other teachers.

But the bullies retaliated against me. So I went to the teacher a second time. This time though, the bullies prepared their story beforehand. According to them (5 or 6 people), I was the one who started the fight first. Because I wanted revenge. And this time, their individual stories matched and seemed plausible. So the teacher took the easier way out. Go against 5 students or just one unpopular kid? The answer was obvious.

During my counselling session, I was asked questions like "Why were you at that place in the first place" and "Why did you get close to him in the first place?" and "Did you say anything to provoke him?". Victim blaming is so easy.

 

[mojito]

See what happens when you have no NS?

 

[MisterGuard]

See what happens when you have no NS?

What has NS got to do with my secondary school experience? That took place before I was eligible for NS.

Anyway, NS doesn't make you strong as an individual. There's very little focus on unarmed combat training. 99.99% of the time, you are trained to operate as part of a group. So without a large group backing you up, the "combat" tactics you learned are pretty much useless in Civilian Land. They don't really care about individuals in the army, except during SOC runs and IPPT tests.

So NS just means your fitness is above average when you pass out. But if 5 or 6 Bengs attack you on Orchard Road, you are still powerless to defend yourself if the rest of your platoon are not supporting you with their rifles.

 

[yellowarse]

During my counselling session, I was asked questions like "Why were you at that place in the first place" and "Why did you get close to him in the first place?" and "Did you say anything to provoke him?". Victim blaming is so easy.

I can only say your teacher was guilty of victim-blaming and not equal to the task, much like police officers in India blaming rape victims instead of rapists for rape. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't report to authorities (are you also saying rape victims should keep quiet?) but you should escalate it to a higher level – the principal, or if need be, MOE.

I know about bullying because my son was the victim of schoolyard bullying. I got the form teacher involved, roped in the principal, and even insisted on meeting the parents of the bully myself. I even gave the bully a good tongue-lashing and told him that if this happened again, I'd make a police report and an official complaint to MOE. Trust me – my son was left alone after that.

There should be zero tolerance for bullying in schools. Too many needless suicides have occurred in Japan and Korea for this to be swept under the carpet. Do you want to wait for a victim to take his life before calling in the authorities?

 

[mojito]

What has NS got to do with my secondary school experience? That took place before I was eligible for NS.

Anyway, NS doesn't make you strong as an individual. There's very little focus on unarmed combat training. 99.99% of the time, you are trained to operate as part of a group. So without a large group backing you up, the "combat" tactics you learned are pretty much useless in Civilian Land. They don't really care about individuals in the army, except during SOC runs and IPPT tests.

So NS just means your fitness is above average when you passed out. But if 5 or 6 Bengs attack you on Orchard Road, you are still powerless to defend yourself if the rest of your platoon are not supporting you with their rifles.

Thanks to NS, nobody dare to bully little red dot! How you were bullied as a schoolboy is not relevant. During NS, assuming you were assigned a combat vocation, you learn the only suitable response to force is more force. Else no choice but to offer the other (butt?) cheek, as our xtian friends would say. We sinkies are a very practical people. The path of least resistance (with some lubrication) is always best.

 

[Dark Knight]

When talking about bullying others, generally we often link it to Guy vs Guy or Gals vs Gals.
Now what if it's the Gal who bully the Guy?
There's many typical example of Bitchy Gal especially those shorties who always think that they are the Princess.
Minor issues also complain and they way they talk to those guys who they don't favor much can be quite rude and demanding at times.
Guys (we often think they are weaklings) who are often gentle and timid in nature usually won't bother to retaliate back and suffer in silence.

 

[ginfreely]

Reporting to school authorities can sometimes backfire. Bullies usually operate in groups. So it will be many mouths against your lone voice in the wilderness.

I did report to a teacher back in secondary school. The first time it worked out okay. The teacher did her job and called the offenders into the staff room for a scolding in front of other teachers.

But the bullies retaliated against me. So I went to the teacher a second time. This time though, the bullies prepared their story beforehand. According to them (5 or 6 people), I was the one who started the fight first. Because I wanted revenge. And this time, their individual stories matched and seemed plausible. So the teacher took the easier way out. Go against 5 students or just one unpopular kid? The answer was obvious.

During my counselling session, I was asked questions like "Why were you at that place in the first place" and "Why did you get close to him in the first place?" and "Did you say anything to provoke him?". Victim blaming is so easy.

Yes this is exactly the same as the office bully in my work place last time. First time round the boss got her to apologise to me. But few years later, with the change in boss and victim blaming, the bully got her way. The retaliation was well thought out and schemed with group backing indeed.

 

[kryonlight]

What's there to discuss? Rika's way is the only Way. All bullies are trash.

 

[mojito]

Remember lame sinkies, the going rate is $500 per punch judging from FT convictions. A small price to pay to dislodge some unsightly teeth.

 

[MisterGuard]

When talking about bullying others, generally we often link it to Guy vs Guy or Gals vs Gals.
Now what if it's the Gal who bully the Guy?
There's many typical example of Bitchy Gal especially those shorties who always think that they are the Princess.
Minor issues also complain and they way they talk to those guys who they don't favor much can be quite rude and demanding at times.
Guys (we often think they are weaklings) who are often gentle and timid in nature usually won't bother to retaliate back and suffer in silence.

Yeah, I know what you mean. Nowadays, it is very easy for girls to bully guys because feminism is considered correct. Not just politically but morally too.

Let me give you one example. I don't know if you have heard about this but, in 2011, an American Chinese soldier (Danny Chen) committed suicide due to bullying in the US army.

I was very interested in the case and the trial of Private Danny's tormentors so, during one meeting with some friends, I brought up this issue. I was hoping that we could pool our resources together and raise awareness of military suicides in general and Danny Chen's plight in particular.

But several feminists also came down to the informal gathering. One was a girlfriend of a friend and she brought along her buddy.

The following is a rough transcript of the short-lived meeting.

ME: So anyway, I think you have received my emails regarding Danny Chen's case in the United States. I know this took place in the USA, but all of us here have served NS so I think you too understand the pains of military training and bullying...

GIRL 1 (the girlfriend): Are you trying to say something? Why not have the balls to say it?

ME: Huh?

GIRL 1: You are trying to say girls here never serve NS, right? So we are not equal to men? Is that what you are saying?

ME: Huh? No, no. I was talking about Danny Chen's suicide in the US army. We guys here have served in the army, some in the same unit, so...

GIRL 1: So nothing! Please don't make a big deal out of nothing, okay? So emo... Why must all men talk about NS all the time?

ME: No, the NS thing has nothing to do with what I want to say. About Danny Chen's suicide in America...

GIRL 1: What suicide? Men don't commit suicide often okay? So don't make such a big deal out of it.

GIRL 2 (girlfriend's buddy): In other parts of the world, women and girls are getting raped, you know?

GIRL 1: Right right. Men don't commit suicide so often. One or two cases not a big deal. Don't get all emo with us okay? Think about the women getting raped because you want to talk about suicide.

And the meeting broke up soon after. And we ended up not discussing one bit of detail about Danny Chen's suicide.

 

[MisterGuard]

Yes this is exactly the same as the office bully in my work place last time. First time round the boss got her to apologise to me. But few years later, with the change in boss and victim blaming, the bully got her way. The retaliation was well thought out and schemed with group backing indeed.

Regarding office bullies, I think their bullying must be met with overwhelming force also. Not necessarily physical force, but you may have to blow up the matter until your tormentor sinks so low that she/he cannot recover.

Like what poster yellowarse said earlier, go all the way to the top.

When I was working at a certain department store as a security guard, one of the in-house supervisors threatened me with a pen knife. I didn't know what to do then so I went around for advice. A blogger friend of mine suggested a 3-fold strategy. That I first draft a letter with the help of a lawyer from the Pro-bono Legal Clinic, get a copy of my prescription (for anti-depressants) from IMH and finally go to news sites like Temasek Review and expose what happened at the department store along with the name of the supervisor.

But I didn't want to go all the way. so I went with a toned-down version of the plan. I went to the legal clinic and, with the help of a lawyer, drafted a letter (with legal jargon here and there). And I submitted the letter to my Chief Security Officer, who in turn submitted it to the in-house team at the store. So anyway, an investigation was carried out. Both supervisor and I were questioned. In the end, the security manager agreed that his subordinated did threaten me with a knife. But in the end, the supervisor was given a token punishment and remained on the team.

My friend told me then that I made a serious error. Because I did not go all the way with his plan, the department store could afford not to fire this knife-wielding supervisor. So he's still a supervisor and I was in trouble. I didn't believe him. I told my friend that an investigation was carried out and he was found guilty after all. So no worries, okay?

A few weeks later, I made a "mistake" at work. A few days after that "mistake", I received a phone call telling me that I need not return to the store. My friend was right after all.

The whole incident, including the investigation and my "mistake", is just too long to be posted here, so I will not write a blow-by-blow account. In my book, it took me two whole chapters to tell the story.

 

[sleaguepunter]

I dunno simi rika way.(never watch video)

I only know the way to stop bullying is to return the violence. bullies are normally cowards and operate in a group. Just beat the shit out of one of them can liao and they will move on to the next target. I seen first hand school bullying did to their victim and I also seen first hand how bullying was stopped when the victim beat the shit out of the bullies. I also seen how a school bully victim in secondary school became a bully himself in JC.

like yellowarse, my kid was bullied in school but I told him to punch the bully in the face irregardless of what the bully did which could be just a simple push. If the bully try to play punk during PE games, also just kick him till he fall. I will handle the school authority if the bully complain. I told the school VP in the face that since the school teachers cannot protect my kid, then my kid will protect himself with appropriate force. of course I told my kid to steer clear of the bully in the first place and only hit back upon kenna bully. I wont say complain teachers useless but most of the time the punishment so minor and the bully will strike again. Only when the bully suffer pain then he will move on to somebody else.