THE EX-PAT FILES
http://www.straitstimes.com/Think/Story/STIStory_490357.html
A Valentine to singlehood
By Rupali Karekar
Rupali Karekar
For the second consecutive year, I will be in Singapore during Valentine's Day - alone.
This is the longest I have been unattached. While I do prefer to have someone special to share my life with, my single status is turning out to be an interesting experience. And to my own surprise, I am actually enjoying it.
I had never envisaged spending Valentine's Day by myself. During my college years in Mumbai, I exchanged heart-shaped cards with my Valentine - cards which professed undying love and promised an ever-lasting relationship.
I mistook attraction for love, considered possessiveness to be a sign of deep affection and equated fights and break-ups with apocalyptic tragedies. The beauty of youth lies in its innocence, I guess.
Back then, half of that special day would be spent having lunch with my Valentine, holding his hand and taking long walks on beaches or in gardens and whispering sweet nothings to each other.
But we had to constantly look over our shoulders and watch out for those spoilsports who consider Valentine's Day celebrations an onslaught on 'Indian culture'.
These self-appointed moral police - actually members of right- wing organisations such as Shiv Sena and Bajrang Dal - go on a rampage each Valentine's Day, vandalising shops and setting their collection of Valentine cards and gifts on fire. Their baton-wielding members are also known to target teenage couples, threatening to marry them off.
So far this year, their threats to protest have been low-key, but their attitude continues to be a thorn in Valentine's Day celebrations.
I felt their actions were contradictory to the culture which they were trying to uphold. Indian culture preaches tolerance and patience, not fanaticism. Their actions were also an overreaction, since youngsters soon outgrow the hype surrounding such events.
My craze for Valentine's Day also wore off as I grew older. In fact, when I did find my soulmate, such candy floss expressions of love were unnecessary. During courtship, every day was as good as Valentine's Day.
Anyway, after a painful break-up seven years later, I moved on. I found myself in Singapore, alone and single. Here, even the Government encourages dating. The contrast with Mumbai is stark.
Determined not to be miserable on my first Valentine's Day alone last year, I Googled for tips on how singles could spend the big day in Singapore. Suggestions included cliches like 'pamper yourself' and 'think positive', and even 'chalk out a relationship plan'. The only interesting idea, I thought, was spending time at orphanges/old people's homes. However, I accepted an invitation by friends to visit the East Coast instead.
The beach was full of couples celebrating their love, holding hands, walking on the shore and playing in the waves. Some were sitting outside their tents enjoying the breeze, others were lying down on the sand and enjoying one another's company. A young woman was sitting under a tree and humming as her sweetheart played the guitar.
They were free to express their feelings for each other, sans groups of fanatics threatening to spoil their magical moments.
But the love-struck couples were not the only ones there. Groups of friends were also enjoying a barbecue and beer party; a family was playing in the sea; and a bunch of girls were helping their friend learn to ride a bike.
That's when it struck me. Valentine's Day is not just about lovers declaring their feelings for each other, it is about celebrating relationships, be it with your parents, siblings, friends or even pets. It's about being thankful for the people who love you, who matter to you, and to whom you matter.
I enjoyed my evening with my friends that day. Over the past year, I have also been enjoying my own company. I spend my free time reading at parks or riding my bicycle around the neighbourhood. I watch movies, sometimes with friends, sometimes alone. I pack my bags on a whim and take a vacation.
I am celebrating my singlehood.
Still, if love knocks on my door in the lunar Year of the Dragon, I shall welcome it with open arms.
The writer is an assistant to
the editor on the Straits Times Foreign Desk. She has lived in Singapore for the last 21/2 years.
