I Like This CPF Propaganda! Honest!

[AhMeng]

12 Jun 2019
SOURCE: CPF Board

One couple, Hock Chuan and Jenny*, learnt a harsh lesson about overspending on their wedding and the pain it caused after their big day.

(Photo: Mediacorp Pte Ltd.)

“When my wife Jenny and I decided to get married five years ago, it was like a dream come true for us. We had been dating for over seven years, and couldn’t wait to start our lifelong journey together. As such, we were eager to make our wedding a memorable event where we could share our joy with our families and closest friends.

Looking back, this mindset was what got us into trouble later on. As we planned for the wedding, the costs started to pile up: $4,000 for a solemnisation ceremony and reception, $5,000 for a gown, $2,500 for the wedding day videography and photography. The biggest cost, of course, was the wedding banquet. Wanting to find the perfect location, we dithered on the decision. By the time we chose a ballroom at a popular five-star hotel, the cost had ballooned to almost $50,000.

Yet, while we were aware that things were getting expensive, at no time did we think that the money was not worth it. After all, this was a major milestone in our lives and a once-in-a-lifetime event. It had to be spectacular! We had put aside $30,000 of our own savings for the wedding, but this was clearly not going to be enough.

So we drew on personal credit lines and our credit cards to make up the shortfall. We were young and had plenty of time to repay the debt. So we thought. This was our second major mistake – not realising the impact of taking on large amounts of debt.


A Harsh Reality

The big day finally came and, for the most part, we got the wedding that we had hoped (and paid) for. But as we settled down into married life, reality bit. We had applied for an HDB BTO flat before the wedding, hoping to have a home we could move into soon after we were married. Having run out of money at this point, paying for the renovation cost was going to be a real struggle.

The only bright spot was that we could use our CPF savings to pay for the down payment and subsequent monthly housing loan. Thank goodness for that, or we might still be camping at our parents’ place today!

We looked at other ways to keep a lid on our debt. We decided to scale down our home renovation plans, focusing only on the essentials. We could always do further renovations in the future if we wanted to, but the priority then was to work towards paying off our outstanding loans.

(Photo: Mediacorp Pte Ltd.)

For the first few years of our married life, a big chunk of our income was going towards servicing our loans rather than chasing our dreams. This caused undue stress and arguments over money, at a time when we should have been enjoying our “honeymoon” period. Embarrassingly, we had to turn to our parents to help us with our cash flow from time to time. It was not a good start to our married lives.

Lessons learnt

On hindsight, there were many things we should have done differently when we planned for our wedding.

• We should have sought cheaper options for the banquet venue. Rather than a swanky five-star hotel, we could have held it a restaurant or club, which would have been more affordable.
• Taking our time to find a venue also meant we paid more than we should have, as prices at popular venues tend to increase every year. Ideally, we should have secured a location a year in advance. So starting the planning process early would have helped a great deal.
• For other expenses, we should have had a strict budget and categorised the items into “must-haves” and “good-to-haves”. By drawing up a budget based on our savings and sticking to it, we would not have needed to borrow money in the first place.
• With a bit of effort, we could also have found cheaper alternatives or scaled down for many items and services — whether it was asking friends to help with the decorations or simply not having that expensive photobooth and dessert table – all these would have allowed us to keep to our budget.
• Perhaps our biggest lesson, however, was realising that there were far more important things in life that we could have spent our money on; such as saving for our home or to start a family. After all, the wedding was just one day in the many that we would be spending together.

It was a painful lesson but one that has helped us to manage our finances better. Five years on, I’m happy to report that with some belt tightening, help from family and a pay raise or two, we have been able to pay off all the debt we incurred for our ‘big day’.

(Photo: Mediacorp Pte Ltd.)

Today, we are far more careful with our money. We save regularly and have a strict budget that we stick to faithfully. We also have a new appreciation for something we’ve never even thought of before – our CPF! This “forced savings” that we set aside every month is now helping us with our housing needs.

Being smart with our money is now even more important as we are expecting our first child! Hopefully, the next few years will be the true honeymoon period that we never had.”

* Not their real names

 

[AhMeng]

5 years to clear wedding day DEBT! Lol

At least the Malays are humble and smarter not to waste this kind of money on Wedding day. Lol

 

[po2wq]

me got ze message ...

spend all u wan on ur wedding ... den later slog 2 clear ur debts ... use cpf 2 pay 4 ur hausing ...

 

[AhMeng]

me got ze message ...

spend all u wan on ur wedding ... den later slog 2 clear ur debts ... use cpf 2 pay 4 ur hausing ...

Sounds liddat to me too. Lol

 

[Valium]

The wife can use skills future credits to learn 抓根 and earn some income. Her experience with 根s will make the husband a happy man while paying for the loan.

 

[laksaboy]

If you think this is costly, just wait till the inevitable divorce.

 

[Valium]

5 years to clear wedding day DEBT! Lol

At least the Malays are humble and smarter not to waste this kind of money on Wedding day. Lol

They want also don't have. The baby can't wait. Usually once the period no come, they get married immediately.

 

[Hypocrite-The]

5 years to clear wedding day DEBT! Lol

At least the Malays are humble and smarter not to waste this kind of money on Wedding day. Lol

U sure?
Home
Till debt do us part?
THE NEW PAPER
Zaihan Mohamed Yusof and Maureen Koh
Monday, Jan 06, 2014

SINGAPORE - The couple wanted two separate weddings - one for each side of the family.


Yet, their finances just did not make the maths, recalls financial adviser Helmi Hakim from NTUC Income.

The couple, who had approached Mr Helmi last year, could barely muster $1,000 a month in savings towards their big day in 2015.

The bride-to-be was in her early 20s earning about $2,000 a month while her partner was still doing his national service.

"So naturally, I suggested the couple do a combined wedding to save money," says Mr Helmi, 28, who set up a blog listing the cost of an average Malay wedding in 2012. He estimates it to cost about $32,000.

"What I got instead was an earful from the woman who said that I shouldn't look down on her status. I just wanted to advise her not to go overboard if she can't afford it."

It is natural that couples want their once-in-a-lifetime event to be a day they will grow old and reminiscence happily over, a panel of experts tell The New Paper on Sunday.

But many fall into the trap of not planning prudently, often "led astray" by the ritzy choices, so much so that they do not work out their sums properly.

Ms Pink Cheong, 38, a wedding planner of 10 years, says the trend is fuelled by how TV shows and magazines celebrate glamorous weddings.

"In the past, we get couples coming in for the 'lowest-priced' packages, but now, we are often 'challenged' into topping the last best," she says.

Another wedding consultant, Miss Elisa Koh, 30, describes: "Often, couples will walk in with some samples of past weddings, then ask, 'Can you do something like this or better?'"

Miss Koh says she sometimes points out the costs to couples whom she thinks may be unaware of the rut they could get into.

"This is especially when I can sense apprehension in either one. You know what it is like, one - usually it's the woman - would be going on enthusiastically, while you can virtually see the man's mind trying to catch up with the calculations of how much they'd have to spend."

But it is not always couples who bear the responsibility of splurging on weddings.

Sometimes, it is about "face", says social psychologist Richard Lim.

"I think it is more of an issue with Asians - we are more concerned about impressing relatives and friends," he says.

"And if it's like the eldest or only child - more so, if it involves the son - parents tend to want to flaunt or show off even more."

Madam Nor Tan, 50, a wedding decorator who charges between $2,500 and $3,000 for simple weddings usually held at HDB void decks or community centres, says she has had pretty outlandish requests.

Couples, or rather their parents, ask for extra chandeliers to be hung from multi-purpose hall ceilings.

Others request for colourful pillar wrap-a-rounds and fresh flowers.

Says Madam Tan, who has been in the business for 21 years: "There are costs involved when you ask for extras. Flowers, for example, have a seasonal price. I feel that sometimes couples are pressured especially when their parents get involved."

Then there is the fad of having couples' clothes and weddings designed to follow fairy-tale themes, says Madam Fatimah Mohsin, owner of The Wedding Gallery.

Adds Madam Fatimah, who handles about three Malay weddings a week: "Some couples get into financial trouble when they think they can cover the costs of the wedding through the monetary gifts handed to them. "You just can't make a profit for a Malay wedding. In fact, you can expect to make a loss."

For a wedding that costs between $30,000 and $40,000, couples usually "take back" about $20,000, she adds.

Some hongbaos can be as little as $5; the average being about $20 today for weddings held at void decks. "You just need to manage your expectations," she says.

There are those who face problems when it is time to pay up. Some usually find excuses to delay payment or simply disappear by changing their mobile phone numbers, says Madam Tan.

A few refuse to pay up.

This used to be a problem about five years ago for Madam Fatimah, who handles weddings for personalities and celebrities in the Malay community: "I even get blamed for rainy weather when guests don't show up. Some things are beyond our control."

But she has learnt to deal with such unreasonable demands by asking for most of the payments to be made in advance.

In a previous report, Ms Tan Huey Min, general manager of Credit Counselling Singapore, suggests that couples do their research so they can estimate how much they will spend on their wedding.

For example, rates for a wedding held on a weekday or weekend can differ greatly. Ms Tan also advises that couples should include a 10 to 20 per cent buffer for their estimated budget.

Mr Helmi says that in his experience, most young couples cannot afford the champagne options. This is when they take up loans or approach their parents for financial help.

He adds: "Therein lies the problem because most parents want grand weddings. They'll invite more people. And this will incur more spending."

Wedding costs can escalate by as much 50 per cent when couples ask for extras in terms of decorations and bridal costumes, or double the number of invited guests, says Madam Fatimah.

TNPS asked several couples on their budgets and thoughts of splurging on a wedding.

Mr Yang Zhimin, 35, a technician, who spent $10,000 on his wedding, says: "I did it only for my wife because my in-laws wanted it. I also didn't want them to look down on me since my wife (a website content producer) earns more than me."

Mr Jacob Lai, 43, an IT provisional director, says: "A marriage is between two people and their families. A wedding is just a performance for that marriage."

He spent $100,000 for his wedding three years ago. He says: "It was money that I could afford since I had saved up for it... but guess what, my wife and I are separated."

[email protected]

Get The New Paper for more stories.



SPH DIGITAL NEWS / ASIAONE GROUP / Copyright © 2019. Singapore Press Holdings Ltd . Co. Regn. No. 198402868E.
Terms & Conditions | Personal Data Protection Statement

 

[Hypocrite-The]

5 years to clear wedding day DEBT! Lol

At least the Malays are humble and smarter not to waste this kind of money on Wedding day. Lol

U sure? Part 2...


Search
The Online Citizen

Why Malay weddings are held in void decks
The Online Citizen 2013-11-18 Community

By Terry Xu/Jamal Ismail

One reader dropped us a screenshot on Facebook, asking if it was too much for the person in the screenshot to have written such a comment. Frankly it seems that people has not learnt from the Amy Cheong saga, earlier this year.

malaywedding

Though we might say this is an awfully uncalled for comment and while the screenshot might have been spreading around, we don’t believe that we can improve our society by lynching those who utter hurting comments. Instead we should believe that we can learn from such incidents by educating the uninformed and that they should make comments with more substance in them.

Therefore we have attached the blurred screenshot and a write up by our friend, Jamal Ismail, explaining why Malay weddings are held in void decks.

Why are Malay weddings in Singapore usually held under a HDB block?


Image from http://www.kampungnet.com.sg/
It is common for Malay weddings to have a guest list of at least 1,000 guests per venue.

The reason for this is cultural as well as historical. In Malay culture, a wedding is a grand celebration hosted by usually the parents of the bride and groom. The bride and groom will usually hold separate wedding receptions, so if you are friends with both, you might have to attend both events!

In the past, a Malay wedding is hosted at the home or in a tent near the house compound. But as the size of a HDB unit is insufficient to accommodate so many guests, the next best thing is to host it as close to the home as possible, which is at the void deck or in a large tent in an open field.

Another reason why it is usually held in a HDB void deck is the astronomical cost of a Malay wedding prohibits many, except for a privileged few, to hold it at an immense hotel ballroom or a restaurant that is able to fit more than 1,000 guests.

The Malays believe that the bride and groom are the ‘King and Queen’ for a day, and are literally treated like royalty. The elaborate wedding rituals and décor affirm this tradition. At the front of the dining guests, you will invariably find a decorated ‘throne’ for the King and Queen.

The ceremony where the bride and groom sits on the throne (‘Pelamin’) is called the ‘Bersanding,’ It is to show that the two are united before all, and their union is held in high regard. Guests are then invited to come on stage to greet the royal couple. In more traditional Malay weddings, a ceremonial protocol is enforced for guests coming on stage to greet the bride and groom – which is too elaborate to be listed here.

The union of two persons in marriage is symbolic of an alliance between two families, and by extension, village communities. In a Malay wedding, the whole community is involved. Traditionally, everyone in the village is expected to help with organizing the event. It is an exhausting marathon of ceremonies, covering the whole weekend.

On the morning of the wedding day, the groom and entourage comprising of family members and friends, will visit the bride’s home, bearing lavish gifts on gilded trays for her and family. The bride’s family is expected to welcome the groom’s entourage with an elaborate ceremony and set of gifts in return.

At the void deck of the bride’s HDB unit, the first ‘Bersanding’ ceremony will take place, for guests of the bride’s family. This also explains why if you have been invited by the groom to his wedding, you will not see him until much later in the afternoon. After the first ‘Bersanding’ at the bride’s home, the bride and groom will make their way to the groom’s wedding reception to participate in a second ‘Bersanding.’ In Singapore today, it is still uncommon to have a combined wedding reception for the couple.

With such elaborate pomp and ceremony, it is no wonder that the Malay community consider not being invited to such an event a firm rejection, amounting to an insult. It is with this assumption of community that non-Malay friends are also invited to attend a Malay wedding. To be invited to a Malay wedding is acceptance that you are regarded as a member of their ‘village’ community.

The costs involved in staging a Malay wedding are astounding; decorations, elaborate costumes, entertainment, photography, lavish gifts, dowry, table seating and a feast for at least 1,000 guests per venue. Hence, it is customary for guests to present a gift of cash in a green envelope.

Here are just 2 simple tips if you are invited to attend a Malay wedding daytime reception:

Dress conservatively – For men, a batik shirt is always appreciated as respect for the Malay culture but a proper shirt will do. For women, long dress or pants covering below the knee and shoulders.
Do not be alarmed if you are unable to spot the bride or groom when you are there. Enter the reception, find the parents who are the hosts, locate an empty seat and help yourselves to the food served. When you are done feasting, present your gift to the parents of the bride or groom, remember to thank them and leave after collecting your door gift – which is traditionally a wrapped hard-boiled egg.
Lastly, remember to immerse yourself in the delicious foods and enjoy being part of the community.

[spacer style=”1" icon=”none”] We hope this has been educational to the other races on the wedding culture of our fellow Malay Singaporeans. The more we learn about one another, the better it is for society as harmony between the races can only be achieved by understanding and not just mere tolerance.

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Copyright - The Online Citizen 2019
The Online Citizen -- Singapore’s longest-running independent online media platform.

 

[Hypocrite-The]

5 years to clear wedding day DEBT! Lol

At least the Malays are humble and smarter not to waste this kind of money on Wedding day. Lol

U sure or not? Part 3.
Beyond The Hijab
The Price of Love

beyondhijabsg
2 years ago

by Zubaida Ali

My son has found his one true love at the age of 28. She is a delightful young university graduate, who is the perfect match for him. There is talk of marriage and the traditional ‘masuk meminang’ event that has become part of our Malay culture. With it, is the inevitable discussion of the hantaran that is the amount that we, the groom’s side is willing to set as the dowry for her. Her family decided that $10,000 is a good sum that goes with the prevailing market rate as she is, after all, a graduate. As the mother of the groom I find the concept of ‘paying’ for a daughter-in-law disturbing and against my values of equality and feminism. While the young woman in the center of this is inclined to agree with these values, she is caught in the filial piety she has for her parents. She will not broach the subject of breaking away from such norms.

What is the dowry meant for anyway? To compensate for the expenses that the parents have invested in the person we are marrying into our family? To give the couple a positive head start in life? If that is the case, then the couple should get to keep the hantaran but that is unheard of. Usually the hantaran goes into a black abyss and is pocketed by the bride’s parents. Apart from the hantaran or dowry, there is the mahar or maskahwin, in the form of a piece of gold, like a ring or chain, as a symbol of their marriage. This is sunnah, just like what the Prophet has encouraged Ibn Ali to give to his daughter Fatima before marrying her. And finally the wedding expenses itself, that the wedding couple is supposed to bear. Since the bride has only recently graduated and is jobless, the task of coming up with the wedding expenses falls on the groom, a bill that comes up to $40,000 for a typical Malay void deck wedding.

So far this is what the costs look like:

Wedding expenses

Dowry/Hantaran: $10,000
Mahar/Maskahwin: $2,000 (est.)
Wedding expenses: $40,000
Mak Andam (makeup artist) and costumes: $5,000

Total: $57,000

This does not include the romantic honeymoon that the soon-to-be-wedded pair would like to go to after their wedding ceremony, another bill that could come up to $5,000. Neither does it include the token sum to the kadhi for performing the nikah ceremony. Gifts in the form of money to the ‘pengapit’, groomsmen or wedding party before getting on the pelamin or wedding dias and so on.

A financial output of between $50,000 to $60,000, three times the cost of a degree education is what it needs just to get married in Singapore.

Of course, the couple need not go through such financial hoops to get married. A simple nikah ceremony in a mosque with a modest reception for family members, with a mahar of a few recitations of the Al Quran will do too. However, the family my son is marrying to, is one steeped in local Malay culture and “it is what we are used to” has been set up front during the wedding negotiations attended by delegations of aunts and uncles from both sides.

My heart goes out to the young people from our society today faced with these challenges in order to start a family. This pressure is worrying and has the element of ‘keeping up with the Joneses’ that has become prevalent in our culture today. It is time for members of our society to speak out against such trends and emphasise what really matters — the overall readiness and wellbeing of couples intending to set off on this marital journey together and the support that the community could give. Now that will be a wedding gift worth giving.

__

Zubaida Ali is a community worker, mother of four grown up children and activist on social issues. She occasionally writes on relevant issues pertaining to the Muslim community.

Illustration by Ishibashi Chiharu

Categories: Blog Series, Filial Piety, Relationship, Stories
Tags: family, islam, muslim, religion, singapore, weddings
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