- Joined
- Aug 8, 2008
- Messages
- 3,619
- Points
- 48
http://edvantage.com.sg/edvantage/features/people/491040/I_always_lived_in_fear_and_danger.html
I always lived in fear and danger
Veena Bharwani | The New Paper | Mon Nov 8 2010
Gangster who once slashed rival till his head 'split open' gets changed by mother's love and a university dean's faith in him.
A DECADE ago, he was carrying choppers and spending his evenings fighting in gangs.
Twice, he stabbed men from rival gangs.
Both times, he paid for it - with hefty prison sentences and multiple strokes of the cane.
Today, Mr David Thorairajan Manickam, 29, can only look back with deep remorse over his violent past.
He is now on the cusp of graduating with a degree in Psychology and Organisational Behaviour and Human Resource at the Singapore Management University (SMU).
But all this would likely not have happened and he would have continued on his path of destruction if not for the one person who turned him around - his mother.
Mr Thorairajan, who still sports tattoos all over his body and has the Tamil words "I am not a good guy but a bad guy" tattooed on the back of his right hand as a searing reminder of his dark past, told The New Paper on Sunday: "When she came to see me in jail the last time in 2002, I just burst out crying.
We were separated by a glass panel and I couldn't even touch her.
"I realised then I had caused her and my family a lot of pain and I had to change.
"Her love supported me when I was in darkness and isolation in prison."
The ex-offender, who has traversed a long and painful road since his gang fighting days, spoke to us in light of the recent death of polytechnic student Darren Ng, 19, who was allegedly hacked with parangs by a group of young men after a staring incident at DowntownEast.
Recalling his past, Mr Thorairajan said that he was lured into the violent and seductive world of gangs when he was just 15.
Once in, his life became a blur of fight after fight.
His schoolwork suffered - he repeated his Secondary 3 year twice.
His mother, who wanted to be known only as Mrs Manickam, 64, a school attendant, was so traumatised by the episode she declined to talk about her son's past for this article, saying it was too painful.
His father, 65, and brother, 30, also declined to talk to The New Paper on Sunday.
But in an interview for a 12-minute video commissioned by the Ministry of Education to educate youths in secondary schools about gangs, his mother said: "When he was in primary school, he was the most innocent and very good boy.
"But after his N levels, there was sometime when he wasn't occupied. That is time when he started to go out a lot. He was very defiant and he just doesn't listen to me."
By then, Mr Thorairajan had been in numerous fights beating up rival gang members using such weapons as golf clubs, umbrellas and even hockey sticks.
The first time he stabbed a rival gang member was in 1999.
Added Mrs Manickam in the video: "Whenever the CID (officers) come to my house, I cry, once they leave I cry... because I really don't know what to do."
Mr Thorairajan first went to jail for gang-related offences in April 2000.
But barely two months after he was released in December 2001, his violence took another nasty turn - he again stabbed someone from a rival gang in February 2002.
Recalling that incident, which he describes as his lowest point, he said he had spent the 18 months in jail plotting the attack.
His best friend had been stabbed to death by a rival gang member before he landed in jail and all Mr Thorairajan could think about in jail was revenge.
Said Mr Thorairajan: "When you are in a gang, your loyalty is to your other brothers in the gang. I just wanted someone to pay for what happened to my friend."
Armed with choppers, Mr Thorairajan, along with 20 other gang members, boarded a lorry to look for his enemy from a rival gang who was drinking in a club in Bishan.
Anger was the only thing he felt as they waited outside the club.
"As a gangster, you always have enemies. Either the police is your enemy or someone from another gang. We lived in fear and that is why we always went out with a chopper or an axe. It was like a wallet for me."
He said they got access to choppers from other gangmembers.
Hidden under pants
"We concealed it in our thigh area under our pants or jeans."
When the target came out of the club, he and his gang friends charged at him mercilessly with the choppers.
He said: "We just started slashing him all over. I slashed his left ear off and his head was split open.
"You don't think about what you are doing. I was only 22 and was completely controlled by emotions."
Although the rival gang member was seriously injured and suffered slash wounds all over his body, he survived.
But Mr Thorairajan claimed that while he wanted some blood to spill that night, he had no intention to kill his enemy.
Talking about the psyche of a gang member going into a fight, he said: "Usually, we just want to fight and spill some blood to teach the other a lesson.
"I was in control that night although I was angry. I actually had to restrain the others as they were getting too violent. I told them we don't want to kill him, just seriously injure him to teach him a lesson.
"I know it is hard to understand but gangmembers do this under peer pressure. We cannot back down from a fight as our peers are watching us."
Days after the attack, Mr Thorairajan was arrested.
This time, he was jailed for 6 1/2 years for gang-related offences.
He also got 18 strokes of the cane.
"The cane is not like the school cane... with every stroke your skin will fly and you shiver," he said.
His jail term took a serious emotional and financial toll on his family.
In the video, his mother said: "I sold my house as I had to pay more than $20,000 for lawyers."
She added: "(When he was in jail) those days I used all my vacation leave to visit him in jail."
Said Mr Thorairajan: "It was because of her I changed. I really broke her heart and I wanted to make amends."
He started studying hard in prison.
His efforts paid off.
During his prison years, he did well in his N levels in 2005 and scored five distinctions for his O levels a year later and went on to do his A levels, scoring five Bs.
While serving his sentence at Kaki Bukit Centre (Prison School), he became a student leader for the Rotary Community Corps in 2007, spearheading a group of students in planning and organising events for the inmates.
In one of Mr Thorairajan's more memorable moments in 2008, the then interim dean of the School of Social Sciences at SMU David Chan paid him a visit in prison, to assess if he was a suitable candidate to join SMU.
In the two years that Mr Thorairajan has been out of prison, he has been involved with the Architects of Life programme which works with youths at risk and conducts motivational and educational programmes for schools.
He added: "I use my life as an ex-offender to tell young people that they can turn their lives around too. I want to inspire others to realise that if I can do this, they can do it too.
"I want to tell them that whatever they do affects not only themselves, but their loved ones."
This article was first published in The New Paper.
I always lived in fear and danger
Veena Bharwani | The New Paper | Mon Nov 8 2010
Gangster who once slashed rival till his head 'split open' gets changed by mother's love and a university dean's faith in him.
A DECADE ago, he was carrying choppers and spending his evenings fighting in gangs.
Twice, he stabbed men from rival gangs.
Both times, he paid for it - with hefty prison sentences and multiple strokes of the cane.
Today, Mr David Thorairajan Manickam, 29, can only look back with deep remorse over his violent past.
He is now on the cusp of graduating with a degree in Psychology and Organisational Behaviour and Human Resource at the Singapore Management University (SMU).
But all this would likely not have happened and he would have continued on his path of destruction if not for the one person who turned him around - his mother.
Mr Thorairajan, who still sports tattoos all over his body and has the Tamil words "I am not a good guy but a bad guy" tattooed on the back of his right hand as a searing reminder of his dark past, told The New Paper on Sunday: "When she came to see me in jail the last time in 2002, I just burst out crying.
We were separated by a glass panel and I couldn't even touch her.
"I realised then I had caused her and my family a lot of pain and I had to change.
"Her love supported me when I was in darkness and isolation in prison."
The ex-offender, who has traversed a long and painful road since his gang fighting days, spoke to us in light of the recent death of polytechnic student Darren Ng, 19, who was allegedly hacked with parangs by a group of young men after a staring incident at DowntownEast.
Recalling his past, Mr Thorairajan said that he was lured into the violent and seductive world of gangs when he was just 15.
Once in, his life became a blur of fight after fight.
His schoolwork suffered - he repeated his Secondary 3 year twice.
His mother, who wanted to be known only as Mrs Manickam, 64, a school attendant, was so traumatised by the episode she declined to talk about her son's past for this article, saying it was too painful.
His father, 65, and brother, 30, also declined to talk to The New Paper on Sunday.
But in an interview for a 12-minute video commissioned by the Ministry of Education to educate youths in secondary schools about gangs, his mother said: "When he was in primary school, he was the most innocent and very good boy.
"But after his N levels, there was sometime when he wasn't occupied. That is time when he started to go out a lot. He was very defiant and he just doesn't listen to me."
By then, Mr Thorairajan had been in numerous fights beating up rival gang members using such weapons as golf clubs, umbrellas and even hockey sticks.
The first time he stabbed a rival gang member was in 1999.
Added Mrs Manickam in the video: "Whenever the CID (officers) come to my house, I cry, once they leave I cry... because I really don't know what to do."
Mr Thorairajan first went to jail for gang-related offences in April 2000.
But barely two months after he was released in December 2001, his violence took another nasty turn - he again stabbed someone from a rival gang in February 2002.
Recalling that incident, which he describes as his lowest point, he said he had spent the 18 months in jail plotting the attack.
His best friend had been stabbed to death by a rival gang member before he landed in jail and all Mr Thorairajan could think about in jail was revenge.
Said Mr Thorairajan: "When you are in a gang, your loyalty is to your other brothers in the gang. I just wanted someone to pay for what happened to my friend."
Armed with choppers, Mr Thorairajan, along with 20 other gang members, boarded a lorry to look for his enemy from a rival gang who was drinking in a club in Bishan.
Anger was the only thing he felt as they waited outside the club.
"As a gangster, you always have enemies. Either the police is your enemy or someone from another gang. We lived in fear and that is why we always went out with a chopper or an axe. It was like a wallet for me."
He said they got access to choppers from other gangmembers.
Hidden under pants
"We concealed it in our thigh area under our pants or jeans."
When the target came out of the club, he and his gang friends charged at him mercilessly with the choppers.
He said: "We just started slashing him all over. I slashed his left ear off and his head was split open.
"You don't think about what you are doing. I was only 22 and was completely controlled by emotions."
Although the rival gang member was seriously injured and suffered slash wounds all over his body, he survived.
But Mr Thorairajan claimed that while he wanted some blood to spill that night, he had no intention to kill his enemy.
Talking about the psyche of a gang member going into a fight, he said: "Usually, we just want to fight and spill some blood to teach the other a lesson.
"I was in control that night although I was angry. I actually had to restrain the others as they were getting too violent. I told them we don't want to kill him, just seriously injure him to teach him a lesson.
"I know it is hard to understand but gangmembers do this under peer pressure. We cannot back down from a fight as our peers are watching us."
Days after the attack, Mr Thorairajan was arrested.
This time, he was jailed for 6 1/2 years for gang-related offences.
He also got 18 strokes of the cane.
"The cane is not like the school cane... with every stroke your skin will fly and you shiver," he said.
His jail term took a serious emotional and financial toll on his family.
In the video, his mother said: "I sold my house as I had to pay more than $20,000 for lawyers."
She added: "(When he was in jail) those days I used all my vacation leave to visit him in jail."
Said Mr Thorairajan: "It was because of her I changed. I really broke her heart and I wanted to make amends."
He started studying hard in prison.
His efforts paid off.
During his prison years, he did well in his N levels in 2005 and scored five distinctions for his O levels a year later and went on to do his A levels, scoring five Bs.
While serving his sentence at Kaki Bukit Centre (Prison School), he became a student leader for the Rotary Community Corps in 2007, spearheading a group of students in planning and organising events for the inmates.
In one of Mr Thorairajan's more memorable moments in 2008, the then interim dean of the School of Social Sciences at SMU David Chan paid him a visit in prison, to assess if he was a suitable candidate to join SMU.
In the two years that Mr Thorairajan has been out of prison, he has been involved with the Architects of Life programme which works with youths at risk and conducts motivational and educational programmes for schools.
He added: "I use my life as an ex-offender to tell young people that they can turn their lives around too. I want to inspire others to realise that if I can do this, they can do it too.
"I want to tell them that whatever they do affects not only themselves, but their loved ones."
This article was first published in The New Paper.
